Trying to understand women's thinking?

Question

I would like a woman's opinion on why women talk about wanting men to open up more, be more upfront, show or of a caring side even as just friends yet almost always it seems when a guy tries to do that it changes things, makes things different, becomes complicated, he's after something, or there's suddenly pressure? I have female friend I admit I care for whom I haven't seen often & a while back was going through some rough times. She'd talk about being unhappy, off track for sometime, not herself, missing me, our friendship, thinking of me even when in a " happy committed" relation let alone when that relationship didnt work yet how alone she feels even as busy as she claimed to be or around all these friends she supposeably had yet thank me for caring, complaint about my needing to learn to open up, tell me while she's going through all these things & feeling alone how nice it is to know someone cares yet as much as she claims to want to hangout or miss a friend she's know for years

calls a great friend & opens up to yet at times gets frustrated with or upset at the guy for trying to be a friend let alone open up or just share her time. But as much as he tries to understand & work with her busy chaotic schedule just to have a drink with an old friend suddenly he's after something or pressuring or whatever & even if true & the guy has feelings but hasnt tried to push them on her or control her he's still left the bad guy even if he tries for a year or so just to share some of her time & also respect her space.... At some point after a year or so of the the somedays or when the time is right especially when she continues to talk about feeling alone or it just being her & her kids soon why is he suddenly the bad guy or pressuring or after something other then her time when he just askes to talk or understand why if she wants to be friends again & calls him such a great friend he's the last she tries to find time for.

Who said anything about dating that's just my point. She'll talk about hanging out but then never follows through & yet she's still always unhappy & always telling how much she wants to be friends gain. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship either especially with her. I'm not against one but it's not like we've been much like friends the last few years. She's 29 I'm 30 & we've known each other for like 11 years.

Answer 1

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. When you go out, is it as a "just friends" setting? It sounds like although you have known each other for 11 years, you have recently been starting to become good friends.
You can confront her about the mixed signals she has been sending and make it clear to her that you are there for her as a friend and nothing but a friend. That should allay her fears and paranoia that you might have a hidden agenda. Particularly if you aren't THAT close to begin with. Since she is getting over a bad relationship, you can expect her to be a little bit paranoid. She may date other men, but she isn't ready for a serious relationship yet and that may be her way of telling you to back off.
In any case, wait for her to call you to hang out. If you keep calling her and asking her out, that may be what triggers her to wonder if you are being friendly with her so you can ask her out for a romantic fling later on. Let her call the shots. But don't go bending yourself backwards to please her. Else she will just make you her sounding board when depressed and discard you when she is having fun with others.

Answer 2

not to be mean, but it sounds like she likes having you around for "insurance". Like a back up if things go wrong with the current person she is dating. She is not interested at all in you opening up, she is just pointing out your short comings. In a way that might make her feel better to put you down. Only going on what you have stated, it sounds like she only needs you to listen to her problems and maybe feed her ego.
Not sure if this will help, but it might give you some insight on the relationship. Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds like you just need to stop trying with her because she sounds like she just using you to vent or for emotional support and don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with having a friend to talk to but she already knows how you feel about her but it's obvious that she doesn't feel the same way about you and she's just using you for support and taking advantage of you because she knows whatever she chooses to do your gonna always be there for her. You need to put your foot down and show her that your not gonna be taken advantage of and stay away from her for a while and show her what it feels like to be neglected like she's doing you. If you stay away from her for a while it just might make her think about what kind of friend you really are and all that time she's looking else where what she really needed was in her face all that time. So distance yourself from her and she might finally see what she's been missing. Best of luck to you because you sound like you deserve someone who can love you for you.

Answer 4

Whats her age and yours? If she's over 40 and single, she's got ALOT on her mind. She may like spending time with several men because shes NOT really ready for a one man commitment yet but she doesn't want to lose either of you as good friends. Hey shes single, NO ring on her finger. She has every right to date as many men as she wants too until she settles for ONE man that she wants to be committed too. Isn't that how its suppose to be ?

Answer 5

Stop trying, it won't work. Men and women are just wired differently and you will never figure them out. That is because they don't think, they react. There is no logic or reasoning in their thought process, just emotion.

They ask, but they really don't want to know. When they say: "just tell me the truth, I won't get mad"...you know the opposite is true. They are just asking so they can tell you what to think and do. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.

Answer 6

Yeh do not attempt. in basic terms if you're saying "i love you" it means that they are adequate for you and that you do not favor yet another lady and also you truly care about them. make positive you recommend it once you're saying it

Answer 7

I understand what you mean & while long I can relate. Even a friendship shouldn't be this complicated or confusing. I see it's twisted you up though & can understand why. Good luck.

Answer 8

don't try to understand

Answer 9

Good Luck.

Answer 10

because if a guy opened up to a girl then she knows that he can trust her and its easier for someone to talk to and they like to know that you will go to them if you ever needed anything.