He made a decision for himself, what should i do now even if i love him?

Question

my boyfriend and i have been together for one year. he's 21 and im 20. im going to university and he is working for his dad's business. he's been saying he wants to to go the army for a few months but he never fully went through with it. i told him if he went that i wouldn't stay with him b/c it would be too hard. we wouldn't even be with each other,and i would worry he was going to die everyday and get mentally/physically hurt. i told him i would do anything for him. he ended up going behind my back and signing up. i love him with all of my heart and i know he wants to do this, but i don't think its fair to me to wait for the next 4 years. i put him before everything, and i feel like he put what he wanted over me. in a month he's leaving for bootcamp anyways. the last few days we broke up he didn't call, and i went over to his house yesterday and he said he will understand my decision, but he really wants me to try b/c he loves me. I don't feel like he really cares if we break up.

Answer 1

Remember, in the army, he is defending our freedom. Women don't get drafted, but they do have to stick by their men while their serve our country. I hope you will consider that in your decision. The Army isn't a death sentence, and he might come back stronger and better. If you love him as much as you say, a little courage might serve your love better.

Answer 2

Well you are going to have to deal with the results of your conditional love. You told him you would leave if he enlisted to try to control him. It didn't work. He made a life choice about something he felt was important to him. You cannot understand his need to serve and that's fine. He can do all of this without you and you said he was going to have to go it alone anyway if he did enlist. Why did you go to his house then if you told him that it was over if he enlisted? Empty threats got you into this situation. He needs a girl friend and then a wife that can support him and have some self esteem herself. You are not that person. He needs someone that doesn't play the me, me, me game. He told you along the way what he wanted and when he did it it shouldn't have been a big surprise. Time to move on like you said so he can get him mind focused on his life, his career and his well being. You gave up any rights to any of that when you told him you were gone if he did this. Don't play games with him, let him go. Find a nice college guy who will do everything you want when you say jump. That will make you happy in the long run and you will never have to worry about him having his own dreams and a mind and duty of his own. The truth hurts, but someone has to tell you.

Answer 3

Im going threw the samething with the whole bf in the army thing and i have thought about how hard it will be and how much i will worry but im just going to have to deal with it because its something he feels like he needs and wants to do and im behind him 100% with everything he does. If you really do mean what you said about doing anything for him you will be with him while hes doing this. Its really up to you and what you want to do in the end if you feel that you really cant deal with it then maybe you shouldnt be together but if you both really love each other then dont give up cause love is something that isnt easy to come by these days.
Good luck with what you decide. :)

Answer 4

I would say that you are being a little selfish. When we love we try to see both sides of the problem and as I see it he feels that this is something he must do. If you really love him you would stand by his decision and suppport him full hearted. The young man sounds like he has a lot going for him and would be worth worrying about and waiting for. Yous don't sound like you talked much about this to share feelings and worries over try now to straighten it out before he leaves if you don't you will live to regret it.

Answer 5

You're boyfriend has made an honorable decision - not a selfish one. I think you are being selfish here. It takes a certain kind of person to answer the phone when Uncle Sam calls and you should be proud of him, instead of worrying about how his enlistment affects YOU. This is not about YOU. This is about him voluntarily choosing to protect this great country, and I applaud his efforts and his courage. There are hundreds of thousands of wives and girlfriends and husbands and boyfriends who all do this and they support them. They don't abandon them. They do their part, they join Family Readiness Groups, and they send care packages, and write letters of encouragement and support every day.

I think you need to rethink your decision of not being able to wait for him. If you truly love him, as you say, then there is no wait too long and there are no circumstances too tough that you can't weather. I'm sure your boyfriend would rather do this with your blessing and with you support, but he's going to do it without you. He loves you enough to want you to try, at least. Like I said, this is NOT about YOU...

Answer 6

He needs you now more than ever. If you really love him you will not act so immaturely. A relationship will work in the military! You won't see each other as much but you still will have a lot of time to spend with each other, after bootcamp it's like a regular job. He'll go to school and then go to work. He cares, believe me he cares, but I'm sure it's hard for him when you say you love him and you're not supporting him. If you really love him it isn't as hard as you think.

Answer 7

What does this have to do with the military perse? There is a relationship forum.

Anyways... why stop someone from wanting to do what they want to do? How would you feel if he denied you your eduaction even though getting a degree means alot to you? Just because he enlists in the Army doesn't mean he'll die automatically, have common sense and faith. He can be in four years and never have to see combat i.e. paper pushers. If he's lucky enough, he might be assigned to a base near his homestate (all deoend on your job though).

I'll put $100 on it that when he leaves for Basic, you'll find yourself messing with another Jodi. "Suzy meet Jodi, Jodi meet Suzy".

Answer 8

Let me tell you what you do. Now you listen very carefully as this is a time-tested, personally experienced course of action.

YOU, go to college, get your degree, live your life, take care of yourself so you can be as independent as you have to be. He obviously is doing what he wants, so you need to be doing what it is that you want, and first and foremost, that is taking care of yourself.

My wife, (been married 35 years), she sacrificed her college career for me when I joined the Marine Corps in 1970, got out of bootcamp and got married and took her with me. Let me tell you, there is not a day that goes by now that I don't hear about it! So follow your dream, if you are really in love, your paths will stay crossed.

Answer 9

Girl, please! The boy is 21 years old. He is a human being and therefore allowed to "make decisions for himself", just like everyone else. He did not "go behind your back and sign up". He made a decision about what he wanted to do with his life and acted on it, and he did not need your permission to do so. On the other hand, you most certainly did not "put him before everything" because you've been off at college and getting started with your life and he's been left behind. You are acting selfish and controlling. He's got a right to make his own career and life choices, just like you do.

Answer 10

I understand your difficulty in understanding his decision to join the Army, but you should try and support him in this very important decision. He must feel very strongly about his country and defending all our freedom. Don't put yourself or your feelings for him first in this instance. Let him enlist without any feelings of guilt or regret. Be proud of him. If you love him as much as you say you do, letting him go is the right thing to do, even if your heart is breaking.