I have my own studio. A situation has come up @ my familys home: My parents rent the house they live in from my grandparents. My grandparents decided that they want the money from the extra house. They want to sell to my parents or my parents need to move. My dad called me w/ this problem & told me my family cant afford a mortgage. He asked me this: He will turn the garage into an apartment for me & if I would rent it out from them so they can pay the mtg. It would look like a regular apartment w/ my own entrance, kitchen & bathrm, ect…so it would be NICE except it would be in the garage of my parents house! Pros: it’d be cheaper & I’d be helping my family out. Cons: it’d be smaller & I’d be living NEXT TO my parents! My family doent want to leave. I dont know about moving basically, IN w/ my family again. What about my HUGE shopping addiction I keep a secret? Theyll SEE me with shopping bags! What about having GUYS over? What if they could HEAR me, YOU know what I mean! I just turned 21, I want to party! Are they going to be questioning me all the time? I LIKE having my own place. But what if I have to say “Lets hang out at my place, but its in my parents garage…” Will I be loosing my freedom? I dont know! Please help?
2007-04-20 05:55:26 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I currently have a (very nice) studio apartment in the same town as where my family lives. Anyways, I was asked to leave the house because my dad said I was too old to be living at home (19, BTW) and there wasn’t enough room for me and all the others in the house any more. Ok, not THAT big of a deal, so I left. It’s been GREAT living on my own, I’ve been having a really good time being able to do what I want and when I want to, I love it.
And the new “apartment /garage” would be really nice…my dad can build a house from the ground up! He said I could have a skylight, wood floors…maybe a loft for my bed.
But, seriously, living NEXT TO my parents again! …Kind of embarrassing, right?
2007-04-20 06:02:27 · update #1
Oh yea, but just to emphasize my family is VERY important to me; I’m really family oriented. And they DO NOT want to move…they would have to rent probably somewhere far away… I don’t know!
2007-04-20 06:05:49 · update #2
Freedom is relative! Don't know how much time I have to elaborate right this minute but will soon!
Thanks for the add which gives even more insight of the situation at hand... but listen! do you want to spend your life living a lie? Because it will become a part of you, who you are and a reputation can not be bought nor paid for ever... Living next to your parents would not just be a protection for you in many ways... but would mean the respect of your friends... the decent ones anyhow... Nothing wrong with a small "party" as you put it... but if you over-do it with drinking etc., with people you hardly know, the best that can happen is a big mess to clean the next day and the worst is that you could get raped or killed by some unscrupulous character that might want to take advantage of a situation with such a young girl all by herself when the rest are all gone home one of these nights... Not to mention the fact that a shopping addiction, especially secret ones, are not a good sign at all and proves that you need help! in more ways than one... Of course, I'm nothing to you and you don't have to listen to any of what I am telling you but one day, it might well come back to hunt you; especially if your family is under the obligation to move far away... when they could be right there, so that you could mutually help one another... Watch the movie or read the book "An Inconvenient Truth" which shows according to scientists that this planet is under such a crisis right now that very soon, "parties" of any kind will be the last thing on anyone's mind and you'll be glad to be close to anyone who really loves you when the time comes that you can no longer even run to the grocery stores for a loaf of bread or anything else for that matter... Instead of shopping spreas, you'd be so much better off to equip yourself to grow your own vegetables, herbs, etc. how to bake even... What's the use of having an appartment full of "gizmos" if you and your loved ones are starving to death? Remember that love covers a multitude of sins and that no stranger can ever replace the family you might miss terribly should they move away 'cause you preferred "shopping". You might even end up hating all you ever bought and throw it away when you wake up one day and realize the terrible consequences that selfishness can have on a person... In God's image, we were created to love... not to shop, which in spite of the instant gratification it seems to bring, is of no lasting value whatsoever. Whereas love, true love, conquers all.
2007-04-20 06:12:17 · answer #1 · answered by Teri 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This certainly is going to be a huge decision for you! I'd talk to your Dad some more first...obvioulsy you won't give him the details, but he knows you're 21 and already use to living on your own. Just go over some ground rules with him...like will they respect your privacy about having guests over....you love them and want to help them out but are already accustomed to having your own place and enjoy being a young adult and having friends over and such....ask if he would have a problem putting extra insulation in when remodeling the garage....so that you don't "disturb" them if you're up late or have some friends over...you don't have to spell everything out...he'll probably get the idea and will probably never speak it out of his mouth though! As far as your shopping addiction goes....if you're paying your way and helping them out, there's not a lot he can say...they may disapprove, but will not really have the room to speak on it...although you may want to "disguise" it a little by keep some bags in the trunk of your car and bring them in a little at a time or when they are asleep or not home!
To make the garage more like an apartment you can ask to have a bathroom put it....it shouldn't cost too much if you all get some help from friends or do it yourself...and I'm not sure about their house, but most garages are close to the hot water heater or kitchen so running the plumbing shouldn't be too much trouble which will save a lot when putting in the bathroom. To give you more space, I'd share the kitchen and main living areas with them, but set up your room like a suite with defined entertaining and sleeping areas....if you're already living in a loft type apartment, you're probably use to this, but you could build a half wall to help distinguish the areas.
I think it's very admirable that you'd even consider this....it doesn't have to be forever...but hopefully this will buy them some time to arrange for an additonal income to help with their mortgage! I think the love for helping out your parents is worth a little bit of sacrafice of your freedom. With careful planning and some common ground rules concerning privacy, this could work out for all of you!
Good luck! They're blessed to have you as a daughter!
2007-04-20 06:15:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all it was kind of stupid. but whats done is done. first thing is to fix her mental side. invite her to the movies and explain calmly your limits. everything you watch cant have gay things sexual content and nudity. that will only get her to want to kiss again but go deeper if u know what i mean. if you really are a strong christian then you will understand the importance of praying and fasting for her. make sure you have a spiritual rope to pull you out if you have thoughts of lesbian stuff. keep doing this and get a boyfriend. if u never had one this will be a very hard step. hang around a group of boys. she should be with you when your with them. she might start want guys more after that. go in a group date if u must as the safest way. if this dont work then speak to a priest or bishop or whoever lead your church for counseling. you wont go to hell. if you tried thats all that counts. keep doing right. also this is highly recomended that you should check the mormon church. it may be hard to belive but we have an add-on to the bible. go there and ask the person at the front for help. im not trying to be offensive but there are more reccords and commandments that can bless you physically and mentally. its funny but theres a record of how drugs are bad even before scientists found out about it. the leader will help you garenteed if you just ask. i have sinned a few times and he has helped me out of my addictions and bad thoughts. he wont tell anyone because your sins are only between u and god. sorry had to say that. dont offend me everyone.
2016-05-19 22:05:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of other points to consider:
Your dad could rent to someone else.
If he gives you a break on the rent can start saving more for your own future mortgage.
Do you want to do things now that you would be ashamed to tell them about? Character is what you do when no one is watching.
There is no "right" answer, unless you feel quite willing to help our your family and want to sacrifice a little. In that case, move in. Tell them you will do it for a couple of years but they need to know you might be moving and they would need to find another tenant.
2007-04-20 06:10:16 · answer #4 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How about telling your parents to turn the garage into an apartment & rent it out to someone who needs it, through a newspaper ad? Your parents WOULD cramp your space if you moved back there. Dont do it.
2007-04-20 06:04:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard to say no to family, but you need to say no to this. You should be out on your own, and your parent's money situation is not your responsibility. They could find someone else to rent out the apartment, it doesn't really have to be you. You are out on your own living your own life, and it isn't fair for them to ask you to do this and give up a very big portion of your freedom.
2007-04-20 06:15:47 · answer #6 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you lay down some rules of independance in a contract and formalise it, I don't see why not. Your parents would help you if it were you. Make it for a trial period term in the contract and that protects you totally.
2007-04-20 06:05:09 · answer #7 · answered by Unicornrider 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so you're considering moving in to help your family, but you don't want to move in because you're afraid you may lose your freedom. before you move in, you gotta lay it down. you're paying rent, so that space is yours, not there's. they should respect you for what you do when you do things and how you do it. you're 21, you shouldn't be restricted. if they don't like that idea, then don't.
2007-04-20 06:15:07 · answer #8 · answered by Skittles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your intuition, your heart, your gut.
You know your parents better than anyone else (especially us). :) Do what you feel is right. For them and for yourself.
Good luck!
2007-04-20 06:30:03 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ justbnme ♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT do it. Stay independent. They will be criticial of how you live.
2007-04-20 06:02:34 · answer #10 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋