My estranged husband and I have been battling issues for our entire relationship, and it is now definately to the breaking point. Most of the time I feel like an enabler to his bad habits and destructive behavior. But, because I love him, it is difficult for me to say no or be strict with him in any way. He does not have difficulty being tough with me, and it always get's a reaction from me. How can I really toughen up with him, to stop enabling him and envoke a change? I prefer not to "play games" but at this point everyone is telling me to stop enabling him, stop making myself available to him. The nicer and more helpful I am to him, the more distant our relationship gets. Would it really get through to him if I acted the opposite?
2007-04-20 04:47:37 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Simple. Dump him.
Sounds like the two of you are stuck in a pattern where both of your behaviors strengthen his bad habits (and the implications of the phrase, "He does not have difficulty being tough with me" is disturbing, to say the least). He's not going to change as long as he can manipulate you and drag you back to the behavior that supports his problems. Perhaps if he has to deal with things on his own for a while, he will realize that he actually has to change, and distance from him will prevent you from backsliding into more co-dependant behavior.
If both of you are able to make changes during the time apart, you will be able to get back together, stronger, later. If not, then best to be done with it.
(Hey, you asked for tough.)
2007-04-20 04:54:14 · answer #1 · answered by stmichaeldet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all I see that you are very sensitive person that you still loves and enables him after all he's been doing . and I think that he is such a lucky man that has a wife like you . but my advice to you is , don't be tough , it doesn't work . battling will increase and your relationship will totally destroyed and you will get soon to the breaking point . a husband with such a destructive behavior usually takes destructive decisions without realizing the bad sequences that may happen after this until it's too late . and my advice to you is to discuss with him and to say to him that you can't stand this any more and tell him also that you are saying that because you love him, and don't want to get to the breaking point so ask him to try to change his destructive behavior , and also tell him that you know that won't be easy for him to be done , and it comes gradually , a bit by bit . may be when you talk with him like this , he tries to think that he may loose you if he didn't' change , and if he really loves you . he won't let such a sensitive and faithful wife like you to be lost from him . and if he didn't respond ,then you should brake up quietly without fighting , and that's all .
2016-05-19 21:47:04 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously whatever you're doing is not working. You have nothing to lose to experiment with change.
2007-04-20 04:51:15 · answer #3 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him then you will know. If he lets it happen you don't need him.................
2007-04-20 04:51:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋