my man has been completly depressed and distant lately. His comments are getting so mean that it is beginning to wear me down and hurt my feelings. he calls into work a lot and then he complains cause his check is short. when he is at home, he just sits there ALL day long and doesnt do anything at ALL.
well the other night we got into a fight. he screamed horrible things at me, told me i was a bad person, cussed at me and said that no one would ever want me. he even pushed me down on the couch.
My passion for him is totally going away, first it was the depressed attitude, but the way he talked to me the other day I cannot tolerate.
its time to move on i think. how do i break up with out putting myself in danger, or risking him doing something crazy cause he is so depressed?
when i try to talk to him, he finds some way to blame me for the issues/.
I am so sad, we had been talking about a life together...he is all i could ever want except for his bad attitude
2007-04-20 03:38:15 · 24 answers · asked by stopit! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
what should I do? please help!!
2007-04-20 03:38:34 · update #1
Wow! Those are big signs of deep depression. He needs professional help. He will continue to blame you and be mean to you, because why would he take the blame? Most depressed people can't accept the fault for their actions because they think the world is out to get them.
If I were you, I would tell him to seek professional help, and if he doesn't you will break up with him. Tell him you love him, but you will NOT be harassed and called names and will NOT take the blame for his depression, and if he really thinks it's your fault, ask him why he is still with you? Don't let him con you into staying, like if he starts crying, begging you to stay, etc. Tell him you will only stay on the condition that he get help, and you will not be held responsible for his actions any longer.
2007-04-20 03:43:44 · answer #1 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, personally, I think you should base that decision on how long the two of you have been together and the trials and tribulations you've already experienced together. If it's love, love is timeless. But also remember that love does not hurt. If he is going through something emotionally (depression) then he probably needs now even if he is pushing you away. Try to find out what is REALLY going on.
2007-04-20 10:49:53 · answer #2 · answered by mrs.jlittle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just answered to your own question. IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON!
A relationship is supposed to make you happy, not to make you feel sad.
It sounds like he doesn't feel about you the same way he did before.
You should respect yourself and care more about yourself. If he is depressed that's not your fault.
Better take some time apart until things sort themselves out.
This will help him see things more clearly, and if he still loves you he will definitely ask you to move back with him.
There are plenty more fish in the sea. If this man doesn't appreciate you, there'll be others who will.
Take care
best of luck
2007-04-20 10:49:58 · answer #3 · answered by atrabel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry. I have been there before. You need to have some separate time alone to think. Maybe you can stay with a friend for a few weeks? Take care of yourself first. Dont let him know where you are staying if he is violent. Remember: This guy is not the best you can do. There is someone who wont make you feel like this. Good luck.
2007-04-20 10:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by Feistychucken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, get out of there and fast! One push could, and probably will, turn into one punch, which will turn into all out beatings.
I take it you two live together. If it is a rental property, just pack up and leave. If you think he will become violent, get some friends to help you pack up while he is at work. Get out as fast as you can and do not leave any forwarding information. Talk to a police officer as to what your options are or talk to a counselor who specializes in helping battered women.
If you do not fear him becoming violent, you could tell him you are leaving him, but I would have a friend waiting outside just in case. Make sure your friend is within earshot so in case he gets angry, your friend can come in and help you.
No matter what you do, keep in mind that there is nothing you could do to a person to justify them pushing, hitting, slapping, punching, or kicking you. You deserve to feel safe and loved.
If nothing else, seek help from a certified counselor. Good luck.
2007-04-20 11:01:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should either try to stick it out and try to help him through this depression...thats only if you are totally in love with him and you know that the way that he is acting is not himself or or need to just leave. He needs to wants to change and help himself before you can help him and the first step to that would be stop blaming you for his depression issues that he has got going on and if he cant stop that then my only suggestion is to move on girl...you are way better off without that mental abuse~Good Luck~
2007-04-20 10:46:03 · answer #6 · answered by dede 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to start looking where you can move to..with a friend..your family...somewhere...then you need to move yourself on out of there.
Being depressed is one thing..but starting to become emotionally , verbally and physically abusive is not to do with "depression" that is to do with being an abuser*~
I would bring someone with you to move your belongings out of there...so if things get out of hand..they're there to call the police and to help*
Do NOT allow him to treat you this way...he will NOT change...EVER!....things will definately get alot worse if you stay. He needs help and you can't give it to him. No Matter What He Says...Begging you to stay.....DO NOT -for your own Safety* and NEVER RETURN* ..if he begins to Harrass you at work or where you're living(try not to disclose that info to him) You Need to get a restaining order against him at your court house. DO NOT LET HIM in your life..do not have any further conversations with him, do not fall for him saying he's soo sorry and will never speak to you like that again, or he was mad but pls forgive him for pushing you..he would never hurt you.......HE ALREADY HAS* You NEED TO MOVE TODAY*~ GOODLUCK and pls do this*
2007-04-20 10:45:41 · answer #7 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in that type of relationship a few years ago.Maybe your boyfriend needs to get on medication. He has a problem or 2 and needs to be treated. My ex was depressed took the FMAL from work and then hung out with his friends but was to depressed to go to work . We lived together and it was rough. He cried alot and I finally had it sicnce we didnt have a good relationship anymore. I told him it was over and that we needed to end it. He took it ok went back to live with his mom.
2007-04-20 10:46:27 · answer #8 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The actions you describe could be a result of the depression. Try to help your man get some help. If he refuses, and isn't ready for help, then get out fast! Look for Domestic Violence resources in your area since that's the direction the relationship is going to head very quickly if he doesn't get help. They will be able to help you get out safely.
God Bless.
2007-04-20 10:43:06 · answer #9 · answered by Ally J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you know the answer to this question already. You are just here wanting reassuance that you are making the right decision. I think that you should break up with him. Do it calmy and just explain to him that it's not going to work out between the two of you. Breaking up is never easy, trust me, I know. But if you don't break up with him you may never find the one person you are really supposed to be with and you won't allow him to find the person he is really meant to be with. After the break up surround yourself with good friends and family for support.
Take Care and remember....Let Go and Let God.
2007-04-20 10:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by Case 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋