Is it so important for the men the beauty of a woman or it`s something else?

Question

Almost everybody tells me that I`m beautiful. Especially my smile :). I have never been very sure about that. And I have never use my appearence to gain a man`s heart. I always try to act the friendly way, and not the flirty one. The result - I have never had a serious relationship - one that lasts more than four months. So there is a big discrepancy in my life - how can I believe to what people say if there is no proof. I don`t think that I am a bad person. Is it just bad luck or there are some women`s tricks that I am not aware of??? :)

I would appreciate any answer. Even the not-very-flattering one. I`m trying to find the mistake in me

Answer 1

My sister is gorgeous. She definitely intimidates men, I know by my own male friends reactions. The result is that the only men that approach her are the cocky arrogant ones and they are usually jerks. I have been telling her for so long that if she likes a guy she needs to make the first move because most guys are too afraid. She is somewhat shy and is very critical of herself, so she always waited for men to take the first step, but again, the men that approach her are usually very full of themselves. She is now 32/33 and is getting married in a month to the nicest guy. My advice, you have the upper hand, you chose who you want to date. Don't wait for someone to ask you out, because he is going to have to think very highly of himself to approach you.
Another issue is that because my sister has always been noticed for her looks, despite that she is also brilliant and artistic, she has learned that appearance is what is valued by others. This has made her very concerned about living up to other people's standards. I have to constantly remind her that she has so many wonderful qualities and that looks is just one of them. Low self esteem definitely affects relationships. Lacking in confidence often leads to interdependence and seeking approval. My suggestion, if this is really getting you down, see a counselor. He or she will help you with building your strengths and having more positive sense of self. Relationships can certainly be affected by how you view yourself.What I have noticed is that women who have a strong support of friends and recognize their strengths, come to a relationship with positive thoughts about how it will turn out, focusing less on the negatives and more on the positives. Being overly sensitive and reading into things can cause great problems. Early on, a relationship doesn't have the stability to withstand this. Don't read into things. Believe that your partner will talk things out with you and let the relationship have a chance. My sister's fiance is very understanding and gives her the emotional support that she needs, but in the past she has dated men that didn't have the patience for her. She always reads into body language and tone of voice. I always tried to explain this to her, "Not everything is about you". Sometimes people are having a bad day or are feeling down. She would always automatically think that he didn't like her anymore or he was having doubts. This leads to self-defeating behaviors, so if the realtionship wasn't over, it will be once the self-defeating behaviors start. In a sense, she made her realtionships go sour. I don't know if this fits you are not. If it does, remember to give your partner a chance to understand his feelings and develop his thoughts. Focus on all of the parts of your life so that you don't become consumed in the realtionship. This can be overbearing and a turn off to men.

Answer 2

You may be beautiful and that is a plus but remember lasting beauty comes from within. Most people go through many relationships until they meet the right person. If you are concerned about not being able to have a lasting relationship you first have to see why it is the relationships you get into end. Is it usually because you break up or they break up? Once you see the reason for prior relationships ending, and if you see a similar pattern, then maybe you should see what it is you are doing wrong. Many guys approach a girl and are interested in getting to know her, but once they do get to know her find there is no commonalty between her and him so they break up. In other words, your beauty attracted them, but something made them go away. Although I will say, if there has not been a steady stream of guys breaking up and just a few, then I go back to what I originally said, we all go through many relationships until we find the right one.

Answer 3

My sister is very attractive, I used to have guys coming up to me at school all the time asking about her or paying complitments. She always had people offering her modellig work and miss universe contests but still she lived in doubt.
I have always had women chasing me, some being obsessed yet rarely had any relationships for much the same reason as you. Its probably a self defense thing to stop you getting hooked up with the wrong person. In the end I found the right person that I knew for months before starting anything even though it was love at first sight for both of us.
Dont be in a rush otherwise you will get stuck with the wrong person and in the process the right one may get away because you are with someone else, or else you feel guilty to leave them.

Answer 4

If you think beauty is what attracts, you are right. That is why advertisers spend millions on packaging, it's the eye appeal that will have you "buying and trying" a product. It what's on the inside that will keep the purchaser coming back. The most important thing is to love yourself, if you are physically beautiful that is a blessing. That being said, I believe true beauty should come from the inside-out, not the outside-in. Beauty can be gone in an instant, your personality is forever.

Answer 5

If you're thinking about tricks then you are thinking in the wrong way. Everyone can look for a relationship but to think, 'What trick shall I use to make this relationship work?' is the wrong way to go about it.

In a successful relationship neither party uses 'tricks'. Things work out naturally. All you need is to learn to be compromising as long as it doesn't result in you becoming exploited. It's not a trick.

Some people might tell you 'tricks' that they use. But if they are holding their relationship together using a trick then their relationship will ultimately be a bad relationship.

If you feel you have done all you can in your past relationships then it really is just bad luck. Keep at it and you'll meet someone right for you.

Answer 6

there are mistakes in everyone-we're all flawed somewhere. Some people are very superficial. I have a friend that is gorgeous and men fall all over her. She hasn't had a healthy or sucessful relationship either. The men she hooks up w/ are superficial and when they get to know her, they try to change her into what they think someone that looks like her should be. That's the fantasy they set up in their mind. You probably aren't a bad person. My suggestion is always be true to who you are and if they stick around thru the good, the bad, and the ugly, they're probably a keeper.

Answer 7

Four months? Four months is almost a magic number in adult relationships; it is an unwritten rule that few men will go longer than that without good sex in a relationship. They will hold out for four months, but no longer. When you say "friendly way, and not the flirty one," it makes me think that you are not a very sexual person.

Answer 8

sweety, you'd be surprised to find that there are lots of people in the same boat as you! Millions of people are out there looking for love just like you. Let's face it, it's not that easy. I definitely don't believe there's anything wrong with you, you just haven't found the right person yet. And yes, looks do matter ( and you know that too) but not that much. Ultimately it's your personality that makes you who you are and will find you a suitable match...someday. Have patience, it will happen when you least expect it!

Answer 9

There's no such thing as "perfect", so there's no mistakes in anyone. We are who we are and that's what you have to do...just be yourself and not try to change yourself to get a guy.

Would you rather have a guy stay with you longer just for sex or would you rather he leave if that's what his motive/objective is in the first place. It's about quality, not quantity. A lot of girls go through the dating mill getting screwed and discarded. The fact that you haven't proves that you're smart. But you're making me doubt that with the questions you're now asking.

Answer 10

I don't think there are any tricks to getting a man to like you. I have a girlfriend who I rate in beauty 7 out of 10 just cause I like her but in reality I didn't fall in love with her just by looking at her. I love her more from the inside than the outside. So don't lose hope there are men out there who value women's inside beauty more than their outside. Plus the times have chaged. In our life sex and beauty is more involved then it ever used to be.