does not...so far I have hid it from him, but I am afraid he will dump me if he finds out...I have smoked for a while, and do not want to give it up, as it is part of me...has any other woman dated a nonsmoker and can it work when he finds out....how should I tell him? Should I just light up in front of him?
I don't want to him to dump me, he is a great guy, but I am not about to stop smoking right now either, what should I do?
2007-04-20 02:21:42 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
time to quit. if you want it to work
2007-04-20 02:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by star 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
While I really don't think it's fair that you've hid it from him thus far (lots of people have definite policies against dating smokers or nonsmokers), the only thing to do now is let him see you smoke, answer any questions he may have, and see his reaction.
I also think it's really sad that you see smoking as a part of you. Do you really want dishonest advertising, tobacco industry lobbyists, health problems, and a rank odor to be "a part of you"?
My boyfriend quit smoking a while after we started dating (but not because I asked him to), and he still occasionally does when he's out drinking or something, but I knew he smoked from the beginning, and am not one of those people who refuses to date smokers.
Good luck.
2007-04-20 10:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by Flamekat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I smoke and my husband doesn't, and he never did. It takes some compromise sometimes, he doesn't like that I smoke, but he loves me, so it really is no huge deal. I never smoke in the car with him, I smoke outside if he asks me to, and I am considerate about it and put out my cigarette if he says it is bothering him. He is also considerate, he knows I smoke and although he wishes I would quit, he will stop on a long trip if I want a cigarette, if something stressful is going on he will tell me go ahead and smoke a cigarette in the car if I want to, etc. If someone loves you smoking is a small thing in the scheme of things.
2007-04-20 09:39:33 · answer #3 · answered by curls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wasn't this a show on Sex in the City? LOL I would say the first thing you would need to do is communicate with him and be open and honest about the situation. Ask him how he feels about you smoking and if he would still care for you if you did. If he does say that he would leave you then you have a huge decision to make. You have to ask yourself if this great guy is worth choosing over a cancer stick that takes 8 minutes off your life every time you smoke it ;-)
2007-04-20 09:33:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My bf hid the nicotine addiction from me until I fell in love with him--then I noticed his best friend "dipping" and totally grossed out--I mean I saw him spit into a coke bottle when I thought he was drinking from it and I just gagged--ugh!! So I called him on it and he says "What? Your boyfriend does it too." I didn't believe him but it was true and here we are 10 years and 3 kids later still in love.--and still dipping--I would have never dated him if I had known he dipped.
Of course dipping is very gross and dirty--spills on carpets etc--but there is no smoke issue--I hate smelling smokey but I think I would have dealt with it. I guess you might not smoke in your house or he would have smelled it by now--who knows maybe he already knows--i can smell cigarette smoke or the residue thereof uncannily well as can a lot of people. Maybe you could have a friend drop the bomb "accidentally" like it's no big deal like--oh, you didn't know she smoked? hm, (nonchalantly like that)
If he loves you then he loves you, not your "alleged" non-smokedness. Remember--the truth will set you free--
good luck to you and have a nice day.
2007-04-20 10:08:03 · answer #5 · answered by TJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've dated smokers before and no matter how much breath spray you use or how often you brush your teeth. One kiss is all you need to know that you're a smoker. Also the smell of smoke is in your clothes, hair, car, house or apt. So it's likely he already knows you smoke and he hasn't gone anywhere.
As others have mentioned if you ever needed a reason to quit now is the time to start.
2007-04-24 02:09:36 · answer #6 · answered by Kainoa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe he doesn't already know. I used to date someone who tried to hide smoking from me and if I kissed them I would know, even if they had one cig, hours previously. There is a rank oder that comes from your lungs. I'm sure it doesn't bother many people, but to me it was the smell of death.
So now you are a smoker and deceitful but he must like you or he would already be backing away. I suggest coming clean with a mix a chagrin and hope. Tell him, with a slight bit of embarrassment, you liked him so much you were just afraid and didn't know quite what to do. Add that you hope to quit if he'd like you to and if the relationship continues. (That's assuming you have this level of comfort for a conversation this serious.)
If the relationship has a chance of becoming a special one, the way forward will be in the middle. He will accept you even if you smoke and you will want to quit for him, even if he accepts you.
It is a horrible habit that really can't be justified. I hope, regardless of what happens with him, that you will quit.
Best of luck to you.
2007-04-20 09:38:48 · answer #7 · answered by Dusty P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I smoke and my husband doesn't but he does dip tobacco, neither of us like the smell of cigarettes so I smoke outside, I actually like smoking outside it gives me a little break from him and the kids even just for a few minutes. He hates cigarettes but he loves me. I do want to quit though, its just taking care of a little kid and quiting smoking doesn't really work out since when I try it puts me on the edge and I don't want to be mean to my kids anyway, I think it will work but I think you should be honest, it would be better if you had been honest from the beginning.
2007-04-20 09:27:30 · answer #8 · answered by not telling you!!! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well hi!
You could actualy go on a walk, thant take a sit on a banch, take his hand and say:
Look I have to tell you something that maybe important for you to know:
I know you don´t smoke and you hate smoeking but I am smoeking for a very long time and it became a part of me so I can stop smoeking when I´m with you but for the moment personaly I do not whant to renounce at cigarets for good.
I hope you cand understand me and steel chiuse to stay by my side as I am.
For you let´s not forget men also have MANY negative points althought they seem to be great, so girl be onest with him and if he is dumping you because of this hi is just stupid, sorry.
2007-04-20 11:20:11 · answer #9 · answered by Raluca 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it's time to quit too. I don't see a lot of people smoking anymore, so if you're really lonely, it will expand your dating choices. Sorry some people arrive with standards, and not smoking is one of them. My mom said kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. Definitely a mood killer.
I think you should tell him and let him support you while you quit. But be aware that a lot of people get irritable when they are in the process of quitting.
2007-04-20 09:30:36 · answer #10 · answered by Alibaster:) 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nicotine is a highly addictive chemical (drug). I am sure he is very aware of the fact that you smoke, a non-smoker can smell smoke. And I once had a man tell me "your beautiful, I really like you" "however, kissing you after a cigarette is like licking an ashtray" Surely he is aware and simply has never mentioned it. This is something between you and him, and it appears you have already made up your mind. So what is the question? God bless, and Good luck. ****
2007-04-20 12:08:17 · answer #11 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋