He said he wanted to come over but never showed or called. Should I just leave him alone (I have only wrote him once and called a few times He knows I love him and I am not mad.) for a while or should I continue to try and contact him? I think his mother is briawashing him against me. She is getting child support after 14 years. Before this he lived with me every other week since he was 1 year old!!!
2007-04-20 01:57:30 · 11 answers · asked by wils81crue 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would call him regularly, like once a week to see how he is and if he wants to ignore that or not call himself or visit then dont worry about it. He is 14 and that age is volatile.
My advice to you though is to be consistent and keep calling once a week to inquire about him and hopefully talk to him. That way when he finally does grow up he will know you didnt give up on him and that you truly care. Its your job to be the parent and not give up on him.
2007-04-20 06:38:11 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Action speaks louder than words. Because your son is a teenager, he needs lots of attention and have people constantly remind him that he's a great kid and that you love him. Even though he is able to take care of his basic needs, he still needs his parents.
I would encourage you to call him at least once a week. It doesn't matter what you talk about. If you stop calling or barely ever call, he may second guess your relationship and wonder if you really cared. (teenagers think that way)
Even if his mother is brainwashing him or not, you need to take charge and pull him out of that situation and spend one on one time with him. You need to continue having a relationship with your son. She is his mother, but she will never have the same relationship you have with him. He will know the difference and he is old enough to make up his mind.
Next few years are could be rough on everyone anyways. My parents were divorced and I spent time with both my parents. Lived with mom and spent every other weekend and vacations with my dad. Now as an adult, both of my parents and I are in contact with each other at least once a week. Our relationships were carried over into my adult hood.
2007-04-20 02:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep trying! Don't give up...a son needs his father no matter what. He's probably going through that teenage phase in life where he wants to do things his way and maybe something about his mom or where his mom lives is cooler than you right now (no offense). If you just stop and let it go then in the future you'll regret not making those efforts and he may even get upset with you that you didn't try hard enough for him. I'm sure its emotionally exhausting but don't give up on him and keep trying. Offer to take him on a vacation or something with you...go camping or to a theme park...maybe even let him have a friend tag along just so you can at least spend some time with him. Best of luck!
2007-04-20 02:05:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a parents JOB to make a continuing effort with there children. Especially in the case of a divorce. Set your pride aside and it makes no difference what his mother is saying as when he is older he will understand. I am sure something had to happen for him to not want contact with you. Talk to your son even if you need to call 5 times a day till you get him.
Be assured if you lay back and do nothing this will snow ball and you both will regret the time you lost. Good Luck.
2007-04-20 02:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is "brainwashing" him, and maybe shes not
At 14 years old, kids need influence from both their mom and dad. Maybe your son just wants to get to know his mom a little better, since he spent a majority of his life with you
Keep trying to contact him as much as the court will allow you, just to let him know you still think about him and love him and you care about how he's doing.
Don't worry too much about him unless the mother is mistreating him, in which case, since your son is 14 years old Im sure he can judge on whether or not he's being treated properly. Just be patient and he'll want to come back home soon enough
And when you say that he's lived with you "every other week since he was 1 year old" thats pretty hectic of a schedule, dont you think?
Maybe your son is TIRED of going back and forth and back and forth between you and he's deciding that he wants to stay in 1 place for an extended period of time. I don't blame him.
Just think on how you would feel after 14 years of being tossed back and forth between 2 parents! Maybe he just wants to know what its like to stay in ONE SPOT for an extended period of time
2007-04-20 02:03:45 · answer #5 · answered by Starlight*Angel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Continue to keep in contact with him, afterall at the age of 14 you are still a child and he needs both of his parents. If you back off now that could be exactly what she wants and then he might think that you no longer care. I have seen stuff like this happen. A friend of mine decided to listen to his ex and leave the kids alone to let them cool down b/c they were upset with him and that little bit of time turned into 3 years of his kids not wanting to talk to him and thinking that he did not love them anymore. STAY in contact with your son. If need be seek legal counsel to be able to see him. Best of luck
2007-04-20 02:09:01 · answer #6 · answered by vixenangel_ia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her do that to him. I've got 2 brothers and when my parents split we all went with my mother. She brainwashed us to the point where I wanted nothing to do with my dad. I didn't have a choice one weekend and actually spent time with him and ended up moving in with him because I realized that 99% of what my mother told me was a bunch of hooey. But, I never would have had that weekend with my dad if he hadn't kept trying.
He was at the point of giving up on my brothers (this is after I moved in with him) and basically he did for a while. He let my mom take them to a different state and rarely spoke to them. One brother now lives in Colorado and won't even speak to me because I moved in with "the evil father" and the other one is so confused now between everything that happened that he's landed himself in more trouble than 5 people put together could get themselves into.
My point is, if you give up on him, he will know it. Maybe not now, but he will realize it. Don't give up, I think you would regret it for the rest of your life. You are his father and need to be there for him, no matter what his mother is telling him. You can't control her but you can try and run damage control on the truth vs. the lies he gets fed about you. Sorry it's so lengthy but I sure hope that this helps you a little!
2007-04-20 02:57:16 · answer #7 · answered by Bakken 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with "KAT" completely!
Another thing - don't you have visitation? You said "he wanted to come over but never showed or called" Why is it his choice? Not that you would want to, but as a parent - you could force the issue!? Not so much as a control thing, but as a concerned thing.
At least keep writing him letters...not only for him - but for you!
2007-04-20 02:41:23 · answer #8 · answered by ImUrMan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
please do call and show interest i am in the exact same position but the thing is my dad wont call me so i just feel he doesnt care need to try even though he doesnt show interest he needs to know you tryed no matter what in that way as he grows up he will know he can see you and also that he pushed you away not you pushing him away so my advice try as hard to see him its crucial at this young stage
2007-04-20 02:04:40 · answer #9 · answered by TARA A 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no keep trying, dont let your ex turn him against u, try an write again or ring an tell him how much u love him goodluck
2007-04-20 02:01:20 · answer #10 · answered by lizjess2000 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋