its my husbands birthday on sun,i told him 2wks ago that id booked a meal so not to make other arrangements?

Question

his mother as asked him 4 lunch so hes chosen to go there instead.He goes on hol with his parents,spends xmas with them and now birthdays,iv been with him 9yrs and its been like this all the time,im an outsider.Hes 45 and acts like 10

Answer 1

Phone his mother and tell her you had already booked a meal for his birthday and as his wife you expect him to be with you on his birthday. You will call on them on the way to your meal. tell him what you have done.
If he chooses to go to his parents and lets them treat you as an outsider i suggest you sne all his things there in a taxi 30 minutes after he leaves.
At the same time get the locks changed on the doors
Go and see a solicitor and stasrt divorce proceddings.
if he cannot see that his wife comes first , and that he can still have a relationship with his biological family then he does not deserve you.

Answer 2

Well if it's any consolation you've made me feel better. My husband was insisting on going to his mum's for Sunday lunch every week until I put my foot down and said that was too often. It's fine for him as he can relax back at home but for me it was just becoming a chore. In the end we compromised and now go every 3 weeks or so and spend the rest of the time together. I can understand why he likes to see his family but I think you need to do what I did and take the mickey out of him telling him he's a big boy now with his own family ie me and it's about time he stopped relying on mummy to feed him. Tell him it's fine if he wants to see his family at Christmas as long as he spends an equal amount of time with you but at 45, he's far too old to be going on holiday with mummy and daddy. If he won't change then I think you have to realise that you may need a grown up and cut your losses. Good luck.

Answer 3

You are an outsider, perhaps by choice. Why don't you go to the luncheon at his parents with him? When he goes, why don't you go? After the luncheon you can go back home and still go out for dinner. All you have to do is change the time of the meal you booked. Boom everyone gets what they want and all you had to do was bend a little bit.

While you are there for his birthday, perhaps you could make plans for them to come to your house for Thanksgiving. It is time after 9 years to start mending fences. They are his family and you are his wife.

Answer 4

Why don't you invite his mum and dads to the restaurant with you I'm sure 2 extra seats carn't hurt.Then you can have the best of both worlds just drop the hint you'll be leaving early to have alone time together.If you go to there house get pissed then enjoy yourself.You think your mother in laws bad mines like cruella

Answer 5

I can understand how you'd be angry about this, and I sympathise. Perhaps though, at 45, he realises that his mum isn't going to be around forever, and is putting her feelings before yours on this occasion (not that this makes it right, of course). Since it's his birthday, could you let it go and organise a romantic meal for just the two of you on another night? With a bit of luck, he'll realise that he prefers your company after all.

Answer 6

Did you tell him it was for dinner or lunch? Forget about it it's his birthday. Ask him if he wants to to go and if he does go and be civil. Don't get angry, adjust. It may hurt you and you can talk to him about it later and set up a compromise. It's his family a side effect of love... they helped make him the person he is ( that you love) surely you can find a lil good in them... sometimes ya gotta play nice. Say a prayer and thank God you can afford your own house :)!

Answer 7

SO take a female friend (or a close friend) out to the meal you arranged. It is nice that his mom asked him to lunch, you already made reservations. If he isn't willing to use them with you, use them yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself, recognize his ties to his family and start having fun with friends. You know he is going to be with his family at Christmas, so book a ski trip for yourself.
Let him know you are feeling left out, but that it is okay. You know it is your issue (this is what you say to him) and you will deal with it. Then start enjoying the times you know you will get to spend apart. Hey, book a cruise for your birthday. And just make sure you have a wrapped present for his...

You see, it is a competition with family and you can't win. You are the newcomer here. So stop competing. Treat it as his right to be with his family, and start using it to your advantage dear. Otherwise it will just be a burr in your saddle! Go to Mexico for a weekend without him, let him know in advance.

(Oh, your mom has plans for that time? Oh, okay. Well I think Diane will go with me. That's okay, I can make it a girls weekend and your mom can spend that valuable time with you...) and don't say it samrt alecy, say it straight and mean it! Either he will start spending time with you, or you will learn to have fun with that time away. Stop competing and start having fun!

Answer 8

Confront him, I think that's the only way in this situation. Advise him that you told him about this 2 weeks ago and he could at least try and make some arrangements around this 1 event.

Answer 9

Awww you've got yourself a mummy's boy there! She is as much in the wrong as him, she should be checking he hasn't made any other plans with you.

Does she have a problem with you?

I really don't know what to advise here, it seems like you just want to vent so go ahead!

Answer 10

Tell him to go back to his parents...and when he's a mature adult who knows how to treat a wife...then maybe his 2nd marriage will work out. He is disrespectful of you by putting them first...don't spend 9 more years in this relationship