Should I tell him the baby isn't his and break his heart?

Question

I’ve been married now for almost 2 years to an incredible man who means the world to me. The first time we meet was at a restaurant and it was love at first sight. We dated for 2 years before he proposed. His family was convinced I was a gold digger after his money but never said a thing as he threatened to cut them out of his life completely if they didn’t show me respect. About 6 months into our marriage I started sleeping with my ex-boyfriend who my husband trusted me to spend time with as I insisted we were just friends. This continued for about a year ending about 3 months ago. I was so selfish and self-centred back then not caring how much it would hurt him if he were to find out as long as I got what I wanted never realizing just how lucky I was to be married to someone like that. My husband adores children and has told me time and time again how he couldn’t wait for us to have a baby of our own without ever putting any pressure on me. I found out 2 months ago I was pregnant and my husband was just ecstatic. I’d never seen him so happy before. Problem is the baby isn’t his. The dates don’t match at all so it’s definitely my ex’s baby and considering that my husband trusts me completely he never once doubted the paternity of the baby. Should I tell him and break him heart?

It's definately not his baby.By my calculations the baby would have been conceived some time in the 2 weeks my husband was away on business.

Answer 1

Yes I think you need to spill ur guts!! It isn't fair to your husband. You are living a lie!! Its not fair to ur baby either. You claim that you have seen the light and I'm sure that you may have but I fear that this is all gonna back fire on you someday and you will wish you had confessed. The way that you tell him is the part that needs to be handled very carefully!! He is going to be hurt...and you are going to feel like dirt. However how long do u think u can live with this. He may very well divorce you and if he does than it is your own fault. You did him bad wrong and didn't even take care to make sure this pregnancy didn't happen so yes you were no thinking of anyone but the lust you felt for this other man. Please let you husband make his own decisions. Tell him all of your true feelings..Do not lie about anything..Speak from your heart and be sincere. Also, I would not say that the baby is not his..I would say there is a chance the baby isn't his because maybe it is. Your calculations could be wrong, they probably are not but ther is a chance. The best advice I can give you is to spill your heart out to him. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Hi there! I am so sorry that you are going though this. This has got to be the hardest situation ever. You need to think about the baby now and no one else. You need to show and have your husband to feel the love you have for him. Once he really know and feel your love then sit him down, write a letter, or you both go out of town. Tell him from the beginning what took place and how you got to this point.
Give him some time to think, cuss or whatever. Do listen to how he feel, Don't commit. your commit will only make it worse. Just be there when he come back and pray for your relationship. Know that when he come down from the joy, he will think about when it happen. Just know that he may leave you but at least you would not be holding onto a lie. So, deal with your husband first he may say he still want to be there for you. Then you need to tell your ex because he has a right to know. Then you both have to decide what role he will play in the child life. You now know that you have got to be honest with everyone. Don't worry about what people think or say because they talk all the time anyway. my plans for yourself and your baby now

Answer 3

Tell him the truth. To tell you the truth I completely feel sorry for your husband. He gave you trust, money, his love, and he even stood up for you. He at leasts deserve the truth from you. He obviously deserves someone better, but telling him the truth and giving him the option to decide what to do with your relationship is a smart thing to do. He may decide to have a divorce or may decide to even be with you. Either way you've made a very big mistake, not only will you end up crushing his heart but his trust. And if you actually believe for one second that you can get away with not telling him you are a fool.

Do you honestly think that his family, who wanted to reject you in the first place will automatically think that that child is his? Trust me, he will get a paternity test given if he has enough morale to do so. And your whole world will come crashing down on you. Don't be a fool and tell him the truth, he at least deserves that much.

Answer 4

Ok, this is a tough question...You have to follow your heart on this one. I would tell him but I wouldnt tell him it was I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and we were engaged but we were fighting every single day so we broke up and I started seeing someone else in another state anyways I got pregnant by the other guy and he decided he didnt want me to have the baby so he would kick me in the stomach and wanting me to get an abortion and Never in a million years would I do that so I left him. Well I came home and me and my ex started talking again and we started dating again and we now are married and raising the baby as his! The other guy wants nothing to do with the baby at all he knows nothing about him not even the sex, age, birthdate nothing and all is great! My husband loves HIS son no matter what I did.
Its not the babys fault that you cheated and maybe your guy will see that! If the other guy turns out to be the father then thats something you and your husband will have to deal with when the time comes. But he truly deserves to know its not fair to him or you to have to deal with the burden everytime you look at your child! Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 5

YES! If you don't you are not only cheating yourself, but your husband, and your child. Think about what happens if for some reason they do a DNA test? And you can't say you love him w/ all your heart my dear if you slept around that long! It's one thing if it happened once (which is still awful, my dad did when I was two and they tried to make it for 25 years yet still got divorced in the end but my mom never forgave him and there was always a certain thing she had on him, I didn't find out till they got divorced) I just think girl you are asking for a disaster if you hide it. I know if it was me, I would be devastated and would probably leave, but you never know, if it really is over w/your ex- and you promise to never see him again and mean it in your own heart, not just say it, he may stick w/you! Please girl tell him, or it will hang on you forever eating at you a little at a time. But don't pick me as best answer unless you really appreciate my advice. Feel free to tell me to screw off if you like. It's just me, and honesty is the best cure...god I sound like a freaking parable!

Answer 6

Of course you need to tell him.

Considering the fact that you cheated on him for an entire year, I find it hard to believe that you’re *really* all that worried about breaking his heart (don’t you think it would have broken his heart if he had found out that his wife was sleeping with another man?). I think what you’re really worried about is that he’s going to leave you. And if he does…well, who’s fault is that? I think you just don’t want to face the possible consequences of your actions.

You’ve done the wrong thing for a year…do the right thing now. Do NOT trick him into believing that this child is his if you know without a doubt that it’s not or even suspect that it might not be.

Answer 7

well it is possible that he will find out based on blood type(though a lot of people don't understand this and few guys actually know the blood type of their child.)
I don't know if it is better or worse to tell him. That is up to you.
If you are going to keep it a secret make sure you get a medical history from your ex for the child's medical needs. Your ex may have a family history that will include diseases and conditions that your child and his/her doctors will need to know about.
Jack nicolson grew up thinking his grandmother was his mother and he was raised thinking his mother was his sister!! He didn't find out until it was too late(i think) and i have read that it was very troubling. Your child or husband may find out some day but do you want it to be from you or from your kid's middle school science book stating that your blood type matched with your husband's could never make the child's blood type.
If you are a really really big evil liar you could just have an abortion and tell him it was a miscarriage.
Or lie and have the kid and don't tell the hubby for a few years so he will be attached to and love the kid and be more likely to take care of you and it... then again he might kill you. In fact if you tell him now he might kill you. The leading cause of death in pregnant women in homicide.

Answer 8

For God's sake, get a DNA test before you tell him anything!! Geez, 2 weeks' timing difference is nothing!! What if the child turns out to be your husband's after all, & now you've both broken his heart needlessly & proved to him how untrustworthy you are- add that to your conscience. Tell him about the affair further down the road, but first make certain who is actually the biological father. If it's not your husband's, then fess-up & tell him the truth. If he loves you, maybe he'll forgive you - but it might be a long while before he trusts you again.

Answer 9

why would you do something like that if you did not want to be married then why did you u are a gold digger from what i can tell you married for the money then slept around think hell never know ill get his money and get my ass pounded too well you ever hear of the sayng you cant have your cake and eat it too well looks like you have and thats why people have that saying to describe what you have done you put your self in this situation tell your husband he will no doubt leave you and then your ex can take care of you because it sounds like he has been all along ALWAYS be honest i can understand a one time slip but this went on for over a year what were you thinking Tell him i know your not going to you are just asking people to get there opinions to see if we feel bad for you well we dont u did this not us not ur hubby tell him he has a right to know that that child is not his man i wish i knew him id tell him becuae i can tell by the way ur talking that ur not going to he deserves to know and you dont deserve him he deserves better than a 2 cent whore

Answer 10

Don't tell him until you are absolutely sure. Don't tell the other guy either. Get a DNA test as soon as the baby is born. If it is not his, be prepared for the fallout. He is probably going to kick you out. You had better get your finances in order before the storm, because you will have to pay the price, one way or another. If he tells you to leave, you will need to get the actual father to help you support the baby. If he wants you to stay and raise the baby together, he will never trust you again, and that baby will always be a reminder of that.You have dug yourself a very deep hole. I sure hope that you have learned something from this. If you haven't get, I guarantee that you will!! Men have huge egos, and you have made a fool out of him. Just think how you would feel if he did this to you.