I am 25 years old and still have an unbearable relationship with my oldest sister. Help?

Question

We were never close growing up. She is 5 years older and married and stuff. We didnt fight that much, just never acknowledged each other. Now, she is unbearable. She parades around saying how great she is and how she's more successful and thinner and prettier, ugh. I'm not jealous, I just find it really immature and aggravating. Every family get together ends up with me leaving in tears. My other sister undertsands a little but anytime I try to talk about it with my mother, she refuses to see my side, so it affects my relationship with my mother as well. How can I remedy this? By avoiding everyone in my immediate family except the sister I get along with? I am 25. This should not still be happening. Help. Please.

Answer 1

My sister and I were like that until our younger brother died, and shortly thereafter we were both hit by hurricanes within one year of each other. She lives in Pensacola and was hit by Ivan. I live in Louisiana and was hit by Katrina. It was then that my sister realized that we were both human and vunerable to the same problems, no matter how different we are. We are still very different, but we get along a lot better now.

My suggestion to you is to write a letter to your sister. Tell her how much you admire her successes in life. Tell her that the reason you are always getting hurt is because you feel that she thinks of you as a lesser person than she is. Tell her that you truly want to be proud of her, when she announces her accomplishments, but you feel that she is putting you down. Tell her that she is your family and you would like to be closer to her. Ask her if there is some way that the two of you can work this situation out. Tell her that maybe both of you could try to understand each other better. Tell her that you realize that it is not all her fault, and you are willing to do your part to improve the relationship. Tell her that the two of you are sisters, and family should always stand by each other. Then tell her how important it is to you that the two of you become closer.

This is what my sister and I realized. When all is said and done, family means the most.

Whatever you do, do not bring up specific incidents in this letter. Those things are past history. Try for the new beginning.

I wish you and your sister all of the luck in the world. Your mom will be a happier person too.

Answer 2

I think that you need to relax about the situation, family relationships like this happen all the time. I have 2 sisters so I know the score. Maybe you should try to zoom out for a little while and look at it from their perspective. I know this sounds difficult and that you don't believe it is you in the wrong, but maybe if you see it from your sisters' perspective then you will be able to handle future situations better. You will know what gets her going and what keeps you both happy.

You could even try and talk with your older sister when she is alone sometime, although it sounds as though she is very arrogant so it probably wont be of use. I'm sorry to say that if you are not close now, you probably never will be. The truth is, she probably has some jealousy over you too, which complicates things much further.

Just take things as they come and try to simply blow things off that are offensive and even laugh along -- then she loses her ammunition.

I hope this helps, let me know how it goes.

Answer 3

This sounds like my best friend's family except that it's the youngest sister that behaves like your older sister. They are 5 sisters and my friend is the one right before the nasty sister. She is in her 30's and STILL acts like a conceited brat --and her mom is ALWAYS on her side and doesn't like for anyone to say anything against her even when she's being a witch with everyone!
I know it's easier said than done but once my friend started ignoring her she felt a lot less stressed. It still pisses her off and it doesn't stop her sister from her ugly behavior but my friend just doesn't waste her time or her energy. Sometimes she even leaves wherever they're at -even if it's her mother's house, she just gathers her family and says "good-bye" and doesn't say another word about anything, and if the other sisters want stick around and go on putting up with the younger sister's crap, that's their problem, she doesn't try to convince other people to leave.
But I don't think you're being sensitive. Every family dynamic is different, just keep in mind that your sister is never going to change for you and if anything your reactions only give her more fuel.
Best of luck!

Answer 4

I believe that older sisters were sent on this earth to make our lives miserable... well all that aside I think that your sister is the one with internal problems and since I dont know you or know really what the whole story is then Im gonna just say that from the looks of things shes the one with the problem and it shouldnt effect you because your 25. dont deal with her especially if shes already married, if she picks a fight with you that just means shes got issues not you. believe me, shes gonna need you for something sooner or later. I have a sister that was the same way, I would go to the mall with her and she would buy my cousin some shoes before she bought me some and one day I told her everything, I told her how I felt and that if she wanted our relationship to be like that then I dont want any part of her I'll just act like she wasnt my sis... so as years went on we got over all that and she matured up and noticed I was the only one who cared for her so now were best friends so with time and you telling her off it will help. hope this helped a bit... good luck.

Answer 5

this is a doozey, but it is manageable. first you have to accept that a relationship is between 2 people and you cant have the relationship you desire with her coz she is not willing at the moment. secondly you need to accept her for who and how she is. honestly it is the only way. i love my sister sooo much but she goes out of her way to hurt me often and i have come to realise that i need to let what she says go in one ear and out of the other!! or i would be constantly arguing with her. love her faults and all, but if she really crosses the line then let her know. as for your mum well she obviously has her reasons even though it is not fair. love you, love her and love your mum. sisters seem to have the love/hate thing quite often. it is not uncommon. learn to laugh wheshe is prancing around like a show pony. maybe not out loud! maybe you could use a bit of reverse psychology and compliment her b4 she gets the chance to ring her own bell. you know there is obviously room for growth in this relationship and if you sit back and observe her more from a neutral point of view you will gain more of an understanding of why she is as she is and this will help you to better understand how to handle her. also observe how others in the family interact with her. i know how frustrating this is and this may sound like you are giving into her but you are not. it would simply be taking the higher ground and giving yourself a more productive relationship with your big sister. mine loves being the center of attention too. infact if i start to talk about myself she blatently cuts me off! that is an issue she has and do not let it be mine anymore. you sound more emotionally evolved than your sister, so i am sure you can work out a solution. best wishes.

Answer 6

Consult a psychiatrist and deliver her a few medical professional's precribed medicines in order that she can also be cool right down to traditional state. There have to be legitimate motive of she being so. So, uncover that element with a well psychiatrist and medical professional. Then she shall be handled good and the entire happiness which you will have already misplaced, shall be again once more. I am one hundred% definite. My expensive Saki, my individual suggest to you, your father and your sister, you all must train day-to-day Yoga for a million hour. This will support you to get relieve from the beyond unlucky happenings. Try to avert minor matters and opt for worship in your devout god.:-)

Answer 7

hey i have 6 sisters and 2 brothers
i know family i will be 21 at the end of the year so i am in your age group i think
well my sister the one under me jods pisses me off treats me like **** i am a size 16 she is a size 8 and she says i am fat and the first 6 times it hurt but then i learnt to ignore her dont get into a conversation that is too deeep because she is tooo vain also the sister under her i dont speak to her at all when we get together we dont speak you have to learn they are your FAMILY you did not get to PICK them they are given to you so if you would not pick them as your FRIENDS dont try and be buddy buddy with them but let it be say hello be polite but when they start walk away leave them they will get the picture bt dont leave thats what they wan t

Answer 8

You know what, you are not the one with the problem, you are just being sensitive and letting her get to you.....she is insecure, underneath that immature way that she acts, she needs to pretend she is better than you....so if anything, I would just let her talk, and actually, feel sorry for her, for she is in more pain, than you....she is probably jealous of you, so she flaunts what she thinks will hurt you....just ignore the charade..its not worth it. Good Luck to you.

Answer 9

At 25 you should be able to remove yourself emotionally from her displays of immaturity. If you're crying over what she says then it means you're still emotionally invested in it. Practice ignoring her and you'll feel better.

Answer 10

Try having an honest talk.