I'm obsessed, should I date him!? I NEED ADVICE!!!?

Question

I'm a 22 year old female. My neighbor, 24 year old male has shown interest in me, off and on, for the past three years. He's sweet, mature and intelligent. He seems insincere sometimes, which is why I'm not dating him now. One week he'll try really hard to get my attention. Another week he'll ignore me or give me the cold shoulder. I have developed a crush over time and I would like to date him, but I still don't trust him. Part of me feels that the smiles and sweet talking is just an act. The other part of me really likes him

I must admit that I'm to blame. When he first expressed interest in me, he did invite me out with him. It wasn't an official date date, but more of a way for us to talk and get to know each other. I turned him down. At the time I didn't see him in a romantic way. We live in the same building but I don't see him often. He works. So I would see him once every 3 months. When he does try to get my attention, he'll go out of his way to talk to me. I've thrown some mixed signals at him. Because we are neighbors I have to be extra careful. Many times when I see him, it's usually on weekends when I'm running errands. I tend to look a mess ( sweat pants, dirty t-shirt, messy hair, and bags under my eyes). When I see him I die of embarrassment, and I try to keep the conversation brief and I literally run away. This is why I'm not completely mad at him.
P.S. He did ask me out a second time, to go dancing. I turned him down because I hate dancing.

Answer 1

jone------surprise him----ask him if he would like to go to the shopping mall with you.

Answer 2

A lot of people think your neighbor is an evil manipulator or emotionally disturbed. I'm male, and I once was 24 and intelligent, and I'd like to think I was sweet and mature. At least I wasn't a chauvinist pig or a party animal. So my inclination is to be less harsh on the guy.

I was shy at that age, and if I got turned down once I'd give up. A lot more guys will give up after two turn-downs. When you've given up, your behavior can be driven by whims. Sometimes you have the energy to be charming, and sometimes you don't want to be bothered.

Another way I'd look at it is that you're playing hard-to-get. Not only did you turn him down twice, you're running away from him sometimes, and other times you're acting like you're interested. It's a normal protective reaction to play hard-to-get in return. Constantly pursuing a woman and getting mixed signals is hard on a guy's ego. The natural way to compensate is to take the attitude of, "OK, if I'm not important to you, then I'm not going to act like you're important to me." I don't think that's evil or unhealthy. So I'd say you should figure out a way to get past these games and try to relate as honest individuals. How to do that is another question.

Answer 3

What you should do is think about other things. Do other things that would take your mind off him. Wait until he asks you out first. You said he's intelligent. Well any intelligent guy knows that the guys are the ones who ask out ladies first. maybe he's insincere sometimes because maybe he's trying too hard. He can't ask you out because most guys think that women will reject them if we ask them out first and say no. It's alot harder for him to ask because he's a guy. And if he didn't want to go out with you then that means he just wants to have sex with you. And the way you talked about him shows that he really does want to get to know you but he doesn't know how to appoarch you. and if you can't date him because he's insincere then you shouldn't even be thinking about him all the time. Just let him make the first move and keep talking to him. Talk to him about anything because he lives next to you so all you need to do is say "hi" and you will get a response. Just talk about anything once you see him around his place.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like he is getting frustrated with the mixed signals he is getting, you seem interested yet when he tries to talk to you, you run away because you are in your sweats or feel you don't look good. My suggestion is to invite him over sometime for lunch or dinner and just chat with, see if it feels like he is still interested. Explain to him your actions, let him know that you don't like dancing but you would be willing to go out sometime. Don't worry about it if he sees you in your sweats or with your hair a mess or what have you, he has lived next to you for 3 years, I am sure he has seen you at your best and at your worst at one point or another. It is better to take the chance now then to spend the rest of your life wondering, "what if..." Good Luck and Have Fun.

Answer 5

Try to date him. No progress it going on now. If your not the best of friends and he hardly speaks then it won't be a lost to you. But I mean if you really like him you'll never know. If he says no and not interested then you may get over him quickly when that pisses you off.
Or better yet if he says yes then take it slow. Don't rush. That way you will be able to see the real him! Then you truly can decide if he's even your type!
Good luck.

Answer 6

it's a bit tricky since he's your neighbour n all but i think you should go for it. go out with him for a drink or whatever, get to know him a little more than you alrealdy do. you say that you think the sweetness could be an act, you'll never really know unless you take a closer look. who knows, you may really kick it off and you may end up liking to dance(",) but if he turns out to not be your type, two tears in a bucket, not really a big deal. at least you'll have gone all out and won't spend your time wondering what could have been when you actually could have done something about it.

Answer 7

If he has asked you out twice already, its your turn to take the initiative. Of course he is sending you mixed signals - no guy wants to face rejection, no matter how much he likes a girl.

Put on something you feel pretty and confident in, knock on his door, and ask him out. I bet he'll say yes, and someday you'll both laugh about the silly games you played when you were trying to feel eachother out. Even if it doesn't work out between the 2 of you, at least you won't be left wondering 'what if?'.

Answer 8

Let me guess, you are more interested in him when he doesn't want you? And you don't want him when he wants you? It seems to me like the two of you will work out just fine, as long as you are chasing eachother. The odd date would be fine, but neither one of you will be happy. Its only interesting when there is a challange (let me know if I am off track) Someone will end up getting hurt, and my bets are on you. All it is going to take is for him to bring another girl home with him and for you to see this.

we will chat
best of luck

Answer 9

He might just be moody. I know I can be. :)

I think what you need to ask yourself is, "if I go out with this guy and it is a COMPLETE disaster, what then?" since he's your neighbor, you'll be running into him, right?

If you can't/won't consider the possibility that it could end badly and you'd have to move, I'd say, don't do it. If you can see a way out if it goes sour, then go ahead. Sweet, mature and intelligent... might be worth the risk. :)

Answer 10

i would say forget it. I was with someone very simular to this guy ur with. The thing is he knows you like him so hes totally playing with ur emotions. He wants to see if he can control ur emotions and if he can then he wont be feeling u because ur not a challenge ur just something to conquer. What u need to do is make ur self the same way he acts towards u. keep ur self occupied and that will work for u trust me it is working for me right now...

Answer 11

Someone with this behavior is not mature. Though he may be occasionally sweet and appear intelligent, his on-again off-again interest is questionable. Why not meet a guy who doesn't play games and is consistently clear with his interest and emotions? It is my opinion that you should keep the neighbor at arms distance, be kind, but nothing more. Good luck.