My boyfriend is considering joining the army. Any advice or words of wisdom?

Question

My boyfriend is considering joining the army. I dont know what to think, or what to expect if he does join. I have dated guys that were already in the military when we started a relationship, but this is the first relationship where he is just joining. I am a strong person and know what to expect, but he is "the one" and I think being without him for long amounts of time will be much harder than in my past relationships because I know I love him with all my heart. Him and I have also talked about getting married even before he talked about the army. I dont know if we should consider marriage before he actually gets deployed or not. I need some advice on how to support him, what to expect, or just any advice in general.

Answer 1

Be supportive of your man. I'm sure he has weighed his options and wants to something positive in his life, for his future, and for the two of you.

You mentioned that you dated guys that were already in the military, but not someone that was just going in. Well, basic training is going to be a really difficult time for him. Besides the pressure of training, the physical strain and the mental stress, he will be going through the stress of missing you.

If you want a few suggestions of what you two can do for each other during this stressful time, here you go.

1) Before he leaves, write 11 love letters. Make sure that each one is original, has an inspirational word or two, and ends with "I love you." Tell him that he is to read the first letter when he gets to boot camp, one letter each Sunday, and the last one on the night before graduation. These letters will give him something strong and definate to look forward to every week.

2) Write him often! And make sure he has stamps to write you back. Remind him that he will not be the only one seperated from the one he loves. But, also remember that army training is hard, and he won't have the opportunity to write every night. Work TOGETHER to keep each others spirits up.

3) Tell him that he needs to be prepared to have every single thing in his life decided by someone else, and that he will not have the right to question those in charge of him, or say "no."

4) Look forward to when he gets to come home to you.

These are the best words of advice I can give you. My girlfriend was the one that taught me these when I enlisted out of high school.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 2

1. Why does he want to join the military? This is important. His reasons are critical. Joining the military might be an excuse or a replacement for something missing from his normal life. If so, thats not a good reason to join. 2. What YOUR life will be like would depend on where he trains and where he's deployed. Certain areas have lousy conditions for spouses, others have better conditions. 3. Everyone is different. Some soldiers remain faithful, others don't. Some spouses do, some don't. It really depends on how that person deals with stress, loneliness, etc. The fact that your boyfriend holds his emotions in is not a great starting point. This means he doesn't have an emotional outlet except for what he finds somewhere else. Think about what that means. People who hold emotion inside do it as means of trying to keep control. This implies a lack of control. The very thing you said is "no excuse".

Answer 3

It really does take a certain person to be a military spouse. You can't be selfish if he joins because the army will be his first priority. Soldier first, then everything else. It's very lonely being a military spouse sometimes. If you decide to get married, you'll have to start preparing yourself for a bunch of new experiences, good or bad.

Answer 4

If he is the "one" then you need to get married before the Army.. Or you are nothing to them, when you are married in the Army its alot easier to find out the info you need from day to day life... As far as him being gone, dont think he wont be at all, with him joining now.. He is going to take a fast paced trip to Iraq, that is not a rumor, that is not just what I think.. That is a fact.. we as Married Army wifes have to be strong, and you said you are that.. But you wont know how strong you are until you lose that first night of sleep because he is on a plane to Iraq.. He is looking at a good life if he joins tho, full medical for both of you and if you have children, a nice pay check, not the best but livable, you are going to get a house onpost or get the money to live offpost.. You are going to join a family, you are not going to have to worry about being alone at all sweetie, when the men deploy we all have to hold each others hands and hearts to make it until the day they come home...On how to support him, just stand behind him and tell him how proud you are of him for doing this.. you will want to write him alot while in basic and AIT and be there for him when he gets home to tell you all the stories that will make no since, but smile and laugh anyway... I want you to get one thing out of what I just said, if you dont take anything else I said in... Please remember when you join the Army you are not going out on your own for a new life and you should not be scared.. You are becoming just a bigger family, we are all here for the new wifes and soldiers... Lots of love from your future Army Sister...

Answer 5

First, worry a bit less if you can...

As a young man, my time in the Army was the turning point in my life...Granted, there was a draft on at the time, but i volunteered at 17 because the boys already in Vietnam needed all the help they could get.
While i went a bit wild for a few years both as a GI and after(in my defense, i was just a child, a streetkid from Baltimore), the military provided the focus and discipline that i needed to come home a matured and productive citizen...and not much crazier than i started.

He won't be able to detail his experiences for you, either during or after, but you'll see the difference in him immediately...The focus, the self-discipline, and the maturity that the better employers want to see in a young man hoping to secure a future for his family.

he may be called on to serve overseas, but despite the media's hype and fear-mongering it's actually safer to ride a hummer in Iraq than to ride the subway in NewYork...More people are killed on 2-lane roads in the US every month, than have been hurt since the start of this war.

A few years in the Army will secure a solid foundation for starting and supporting a family in the near future, and you will both be stronger for having lived through the ordeal...while the result of refusing to support his decision could be disasterous for both of you.

Don't listen to the communist-flavored liberals who cry morals and profiteering...Truth is, most wars are about money once they get rolling and we're all aware of the US war-machine that profits enormously by supplying weapons, planes, ammo, candybars, beer, and the like...but Budweiser didn't initiate this war, and the eco-political issues mean nothing to the grunts in the field.
Your country asks you to step up, and you man-up to the call and go serve proudly...not for money, but for Mom and Dad...for your kid brother...for your neighbors and loved ones...and even for the whining protestor who hides his fear behind his big mouth.

Some men (and women) feel the need to answer that call to serve the land they love and call home, and some don't...Your future husband wants to answer that call because he's one of the few who can hear it.
He's proud to be in that group of Americans who can swallow their fear to face the challenges presented by such a massive responsibility...and you should feel just as proud to be his better half.

Answer 6

wait until he gets settled at his permanent assignment before you consider marriage. the military changes people, especially if they go to war. given the situation these days, he'll mostly likely end up there. take your time, stay connected anyway you can and busy yourself with your own hobbies, work and interests while he's gone.

advice for him: only go in the army if you're absolutely sure you can handle going to war. it's not glamourous. it's dangerous, dirty, smelling, boring, irritating, and lifechanging. if you want to go into the military but not to war, join the air force.

good luck and God bless both of you.

Answer 7

Take it one day at a time. If you have a strong relationship the decisions will be easy ones to make. Just make sure you think about this long and hard. Being a Military spouse takes a special type of person and a lot of sacrifice. If you are ready you will have a great life.

Answer 8

Eh-hem, "Are you NUTS! Do you really want to go to some hot Godforsaken country to fight for someone else's oil at the president's whim for almost no money?"

You mean, words like THAT?

If it's for college, get a student loan, get a scholarship, get a JOB, do ANYTHING but that.

"Do you really want to enter a village, see children that your sargeant can't see, receive the order to fire, and then have a pistol at the back of your own head if you disobey? Can you live with yourself, assuming that they let you live at all?"

How about those words? Are those words good?

If you're sure about this, join the Coast Guard - they are now technically a part of the military, join the reserves - maybe he won't have to go, or join the Navy and get a carrier if you can - that's the safest place to be in a war, because a carrier is in the center of a large fleet, with subs protecting its underside.

Answer 9

Here is some advice: Go to college. Get have the scare of your life trying to pay rent.

Answer 10

Good for him!!! He needs to be very smart when he picks his MOS (JOB). If he is the one and you two get married , they are large bonuses that can make a great nest egg right from the start.