What's wrong w/ my mom and what should I do?

Question

She's really stressed out over a bunch of stuff - like work, taking me to my games and practices, taxes, and she just had surgery about a month ago and she still doesn't feel well. But she gets mad over every little thing now. She'll just start yelling at me and saying things that make me wanna cry. Everytime I try to talk to her or suggest someone else drive me to my games and stuff she yells at me even more. I think the best thing might be to stay away from her, but it's kinda hard since I can't drive yet. What can I do?

she's in her 50's, I think she already went through menopause a few years ago.

Answer 1

Sometimes after surgery, people suffer from a bit of depression.

Answer 2

Your mother is overwhelmed and undoubtedly unbalanced. If she is not willing to ease her burden by having someone else drive you to your games, you may need to get another adult to talk to her.

Is there someone the two of you trust? She is unlikely to yell at that person. She needs to be encouraged to nurture herself; find some outlet for her stress whether that is journal writing, counseling, walking (can she do that after her operation?)

She also, definitely, needs to talk to her doctor. Surgery can bring on depression. She may need to be treated for that.

If she continues to be verbally abusive and will not seek any help you'll have to take it a step further and talk to a trusted coach, or even a school counselor. Go with the couch first--you don't want Child Protective Services called in. The stress of the ensuing investigation will only worsen matters.

In the meantime, make sure you are really helping around the house in meaningful ways. Tell her you want to help out more, and ask what she would like you to do.

I feel for you. Know that she loves you. Know that this time difficult time will pass.

Peace.

Answer 3

First, realize that you can't fix your mom. She's going through a difficult time right now -- possibly worried that there's something wrong with her the surgery didn't fix. Also, the physical trauma of surgery makes people irritable to the point of being downright mean. That's just normal. Feeling sick and being afraid she might lose her job and be unable to support herself and her family probably isn't helping either.

You didn't say what type of surgery she had. If it was something that made her feel as if a part of her self was removed, she may be lashing out in anger because of her feelings about that situation. It's also distressing for an adult who's overly responsible to be asked to give up doing something she thinks she ought to do.

If you approach her from a place of love and compassion (rather than taking her anger personally), and say, "I love you, Mom, can we work together to solve this problem and make things better?" rather than saying, "Well, why don't you let someone else drive me!" (which could make her feel as if you are accusing her of being incompetent), you might achieve better results.

The operative word here is "might." I don't know your mother, but when I was in a situation similar to hers, it was hard for me to accept help. If my daughters had been given the skills to overlook my anger and depression and had been able to approach me in the compassionate way I've suggested, I might have been willing to let go of some of my responsibility, along with some of my anger.

Answer 4

Been there / done that!!! Maybe try explaining to her that you understand that she is under a lot of stress lately and you were just wondering if there was anything you can do to help like maybe finding a ride to and from your activities. Reassure her that you love her and you are just trying to help. You are very correct that this may be a hormone thing and then again this just maybe something she can't help right now. Don't let her get you down. You know she has to love you no matter what she says to hurt your feelings. She probably feels like I do at times. What I tell my kids is "I love you with all my heart I just don't happen to like you very much right now." hahaha But guess what........She probably only needs reminding that you love her and you are there no matter what.

Answer 5

Help her with the house and other things as much as you can to ease the regular burden of daily chores. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help because she may have some things that you may not realize that she needs help with.

A month isn't very long to really get over the surgery, yet, as you can tell by her physical (and mental) condition. Give her some more time to heal and even out.

In the meantime, perhaps you can approach her at a time when she is more relaxed and calm and ask her how you can help and tell her how you feel. Be sure to start your sentences with "I feel..." because it's less threatening and provoking.

Answer 6

Sounds like she's going through alot right now and you need to understand that she's going through what seems like a tough time. Be there for her and support her, dont cause her more heartache. You are probably 14 or 15 so you dont understand. Grown up life is very stressful, you will know in about 10 years and you'll feel totally different about what your mom is going through and really learn to appreciate her and everything she does for you

Answer 7

I think you answered your own question, shes probably just stressed out and with so much to do she really hasn't had the time to actually get a proper rest, you should ask someone else to take you to your games and such, tell her your riding with some friends and their mom or something. or find some relatives that live near by that are able to take you. but stay away from her, try to do what you can do by yourself.

Answer 8

Either stay away from her, which might stress her out even more, or try surprising her with something kind. Like make her something to drink, her favorite snack, and bring it to her saying you noticed she was stressed out and you love her and want her to be ok again soon. If she yells at you for doing that, then I'm sorry but she's gone over the edge and you need to stay away from her.

Answer 9

Give her space & I know it will be difficult for you to do but try not to get angry or upset when she is angry, it will only make things worse between the both of you. Don't try to understand her or even talk to her about her situation. When she is ready to talk she will take the first step. Just make sure that she knows you are there for her if she needs you. Just go along with her till she gets back to her usual self and Don't you worry she will get over this phase.

Answer 10

Maybe arrange for some one else to take you to games and tell your mom that it is all taken care of. Ask her if there is anything you can help with around the house like laundry or dinner. Sometimes doing a small task helps in a big way.

Answer 11

I think you should have an honest discussion with your mom. Pick a time that she seems calm and comfortable. Tell your mom how you feel about how she is treating you. Tell her that it pains you to see her feeling this way. Ask her to talk with her doctor and tell her if she doesn't that you will make the cal on her behalf and talk with her doctor for her. You seem to be taking an adult role here so carry it a little farther. Don't be sneeky about it.. tell her up front how you feel and what you plan to do. Tell her you think that she needs help.