Am I right to kick out my 20 year old daughter and her two kids?

Question

My daughter is 20 (almost 21) and has two kids 2 yrs and 9 mo. We have repeatedly taken her in, bought her a car (which she sold) and have supported her and her kids. She is disrespectful, doesn't pick up after herself, and we are sick of it. Oh and the two kids have different fathers and neither pay child support.

She has no high school diploma, no job, and nowhere else to go and yet she still refuses to do her share. We want to drop her off at the homeless shelter but we're guilty about granchildren.

Answer 1

Sounds like time for tough love. You want to help but you don't want to be taken advantage of too. Figure out what you expect from your daughter (prior to discussing with her of course). Without a diploma or a stable job, chances are she won't be able to move out to a place with the kids and pay daycare so expecting her to do that would be totally unreasonable. I do agree with many of the above post that kicking her out after taking custody of the grandchildren seems a reasonable approach, but maybe not the initial approach. I'll offer the following:

1) Research what needs to happen for you to take custody of the kids. This is important for their well being as your daughter doesn't sound capable.
2) Set reasonable goals for your daughter and state that they are non-negotiable.
- Must obtain a job within the next two weeks
- Must open a checking/savings account within one week of obtaining a job.
- Apply for GED program (without at least a high school education, her future is pretty bleak).
- She will pay a percentage of her paycheck to you as rent. (Take this money and put it into a savings account. If she can establish herself, consider returning it to her to help if she needs downpayment on an appartment or toward a vehicle.)
3) Stick to the rules you lay out.

If your daughter can not live by those rules, take custody of your grandchildren and tell your daughter that you love her but can't help her.

Answer 2

I guess I'm a softie, but I disagree with all the other "kick her out" answers. I think a 20 year old could still be remediated and she does have 2 very young children I would be worried about. I would probably say she could stay with me for short-term (meaning one or 2 years) if she either a) got a full-time job or b) went to full-time school. Otherwise, she would have to leave within say a 2 week period (to enable her to get a decent place to stay for her and her children). If you were talking about someone 25 or 30 then my answer would be the same as all the others.

Answer 3

This is your daughter and I know that you love her, but she need to grow up she had two kids of her own. Give her a time limit of the things the you want her to do make it reasonable. First she need to get a job she needs to learn responsibility make her pay you rent a small amount. And requires that she get a GED. If she want do the things you asked she need to get and be the woman that she wants to be outside of your home. About the kids may you could watch them until she gets herself together if not they need with their mother. Tough Love is tough because it hurts. When you see her making change be there with still show her she is loved by her parents and talk to her about the things in her live. Most importantly pray daily for her and her children.

Answer 4

if you really want her to learn her lesson is say yes but its not those kids fault. somebody has to pick up the slack. it would not be right if you put those kids out to. even though you probably tried talking to her you need to find some type of way to scare her or make her understand the situation. no offense but sound like she has been shelter so long that she feels like she don't have to do nothing. i say beat that a$s.my momma always said you never to old for an a$sbeating. im 23 with 2 kids(5 and 1yrs.) they both have the same father and we are married. its not easy having a child young but it took some time for me to snap out of the kiddie mode and realized im a mother. i had a rude awakening and i think that is what she needs. maybe you putting her out is that

Answer 5

Looking at the circumstances, it is understandable to ask your daughter to leave. Sometimes people need to learn the hard way. She needs to find a job and start fending for herself.
It would be wonderful if you could kick her out but take care of the grandchildren (it's not their fault that their mother is a deadbeat). However, by law the children are hers. Maybe you can look into petitioning to be the children's legal guardian, since their mother is an irresponsible parent. The court would definitely rule in your favor. Good luck.

Answer 6

You would be doing the right thing if you left her. She obviously is not responsible. Advise her to take legal action against the fathers of her children so that she can at least have some sort of income. You may be able to help her by babysitting the children for a small sum of money (so that she doesn't take advantage of you more than she already has) and tell her to get a job. Good luck!

Answer 7

properly, i'm 23 and a guy. And till i grow to be approximately 20, I smoked pot for all time. I truly have self belief that asking or stressful that somebody end, is ineffective. he will end provided that he desires to or if he's have been given no different decision. he's 20 - kick him out. uncomplicated for me to declare, i'm no longer a discern. yet kick him out! hire ain't decrease priced and neither is pot. he will might desire to choose for. Or - in case you have the persistence - enable it pass. I nonetheless smoke it sometimes - yet severely decrease than some years in the past. that's not eating my life. I artwork for the government at a brilliant pastime. yet I stay in Canada - no drug finding out right here! there is an theory, deliver him to Canada! yet heavily. sturdy luck. a minimum of that's in basic terms pot.

Answer 8

Do your daughter a huge favor. Stop bailing her out. She's 20 for good sake. If she's old enough to have those babies and she is the one who made the choice to keep them than she is old enough to get her butt in gear, stand up and support them.

I in no way mean that this is your fault. I for one am tired of hearing it's the parents fault. At what point does the ADULT child take responsibility for his or her own actions. I've known many people that had really crappy childhoods and made something of themselves. So the tired excuse of you made me who I am, is just that, tired.

Give her a deadline. Get your butt up tomorrow and put applications in for a job. Have a job withing X amount of weeks. You'll pay me rent. X amount of dollars. Put half of that rent away to save for her but don't tell her that. And tell her she has X amount of time to find other living arrangements that are safe and healthy for her children. If she wants to act like a child treat her like one.

I would also tell her if this is not done you will throw her butt into the street and file for temporary gaurdianship of your grandchildren.

Tough Love is the hardest to show your children but sometimes it's the only way.

Answer 9

geez.... I have the same issue with my daughter. she also has 2 kids and takes off for days leaving me with the kids. I have no problem with the kids but then she decides to come back and has sold her food stamps to buy drugs and has nothing. I am single with a limited income and can't afford to feed all of them but I will sacrifice what ever I need to for my grandkids. but my daughter needs to go but every time I tell her to leave she says I have to give her a 30 day notice to move. I'm not sure that's true but maybe it is. I just wish she would go and leave us alone. She tried to give the kids to their dad but they refuse to go with him. My house is home for them and they want to be here. I feel for you to have to deal with this. It's hard but it is the right thing for them to get out and make their own way. I will take care of my grandkids til she gets settled. And then I;m not sure they will go with her.

Answer 10

My dad kicked my brother out when he was 18 because he was on drugs. My dad put all of his clothes in a trash bag andmy brother asked: "where am I supposed to go?" My dad pointed to the palm tree out front and said, "See that palm tree, that's a good place to start." Now my brother is a sucessful research and development analyst for a pharmacuetical company. Someimes...it's all you can do. I would keep the grand children and seek an order to get custody. It's not their fault their mother doesn't have a future. They still can have a bright future.