My BIL is getting married to a girl whose family has more money than my BIL does or anyone in his family. When the bride to be asked to have my daughter as flower girl I told her I was honored & yes as long as things finacially were taken care of after being assured by her we agreed, then hubby asked BIL a few weeks later & he said "don't worry things are taken care of" we are paying for all traveling & lodging expenses (its far away & the rehearsal is a two day before the wedding so we need a hotel room in a expensive city for 3 nights) Now the bride to be is asking hubby & I (through emails) for money to pay for our daughters dress/shoes/hair accs. using the excuse that since they rented a house two months early that they are hard up for extra money. yeah . how do I take care of this without starting family problems (this girl is already on the bad side of most my SIL's) & I have been the one who has been sticking up for her to them since I know how she feels becoming the new SIL.
2007-04-18 10:18:47 · 16 answers · asked by Erin F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't think its inappropriate for the parents of the flower girl to be responsible for the cost of their child's attire and beauty needs. In most cases, this is usually done. I do think it is unfortunate that you are being asked to cover her costs after it was initially discussed that they would provide for everything. But things come up all the time with weddings. Things become a lot more costly than anticipated. But since the dresses have already been purchased I think you should talk with her about splitting the cost for her dress. And maybe you can pick up the cost for hair with the stylist of your choice or do her hair yourself.
2007-04-18 10:44:33 · answer #1 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so, "technically" we all know that you should be paying for your kid's dress.
However that was not the agreement. You probably would not have agreed to have your daughter in the wedding if you knew this would happen.
I would call up the bride ASAP and ask her what's up. Tell her that you and your husband were assured more then once that they would be taking care of this expense. Make her explain to you in detail what the issue is. If she still will not pay for the dress then you have a few options 1. Pull your daughter out - which you know will cause issues 2. offer to split the cost of the dress and other items 3. tell her you simply will not pay for it and it's her issue - see what she says
Hopefully you can do this in a non-argumentative way. Just be the bigger person. She knows she has you in a bind and I am sure she just expects you to roll over and take it. Don't.
2007-04-25 11:07:24 · answer #2 · answered by OohLaLa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you pay. I have never seen a wedding where the bride and groom pay for the attire of their attendants, thats an expense that you aquire when you agree to be in a wedding. Hair and make-up should be paid for by the bride because they are an extra, but attire is paid for by you. You can check all the websites and books, under wedding party obligations the first thing written is that you pay for what you wear.
HOWEVER, this was discussed and agreed upon by both you and the bride and the BIL that they would pay, so you and I mean YOU not your husband, should call the BRIDE and find out whats up. Still be prepared to pay, but dont make it easy on her, make her give you a REALLY good explaination of why she has renegged on your deal. Unfortunately you cant pull your daughter out because it would probably break her heart, but keep this in the back of your mind for future reference, so next time she asks for something you can be aware that it probably wont work out the way she says it will.
2007-04-18 11:11:11 · answer #3 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Most often the cost of the attire of the flower girl is on the parents of the flower girl. However you did have a prior arrangement. I would explain that you cannot afford this additional cost. However as the dress has already been purchased for your daughter you have one of two options either figure out a way to pay for the cost of the dress or they may find someone else to take her place. The other option is they return the dress get the money back and you find a more reasonably priced gown on your own. This way you control the price of the gown and accessories yourself in a way that is affordable to you. I paid for flower girl dresses for my SIL and my kids werent in her wedding but I found them REALLY cheap plus the ring bearers tux on ebay. I am a firm believer in ebay as I have been using it for years and have gotten some really good deals
2007-04-24 11:39:04 · answer #4 · answered by galixcysmagic 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
in Australia the custom is that the bride or the bride's family contributors pay for the flower female. It comes from the idea, that the bride herself needs to make a present to the toddler as a matter of an older lady paying homage in go back for the homage the flower female will provide her formerly, at, and after the ceremony. it truly is suitable with the bride as in grace, or being graceful as all brides are meant to be. it truly is likewise seen that the ritual of marriage motives (previous theory) the upcoming replace of prestige of the bride and the flowergirl is meant to be shown via celebration the readability of a brides household initiatives to the flowergirl and in a further sense to little females frequently. This comes from the older English traditions concerning brides and the ceremony.
2016-12-04 06:40:33 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be direct. Say, "When you to be asked to have my daughter as flower girl I told you I was honored & yes as long as things finacially were taken care of after being assured by you we agreed, then hubby asked your husband to be a few weeks later he said "don't worry things are taken care of". Now you're asking my hubby & I (through emails) for money to pay for our daughters dress/shoes/hair accs. What's going on?"
2007-04-18 10:29:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, good luck. Usually when one is asked to be in a wedding, one is responsible for the financial aspects of his/her part in the wedding. Everytime I've come out in a wedding I've had to pay for my dress, my accessories, everything. You are doing the new couple a favor by being a part of their wedding and you should do them the whole favor. However, if you had already agreed on this you may want to let her know that you have been fending for her with her in-laws and that maybe she should find other places to cut costs so that she can pay for what you guys had originally agreed upon.
2007-04-23 12:23:15 · answer #7 · answered by MariChelita 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just pay for your daughter and be done with it. You new that there would be an expense for her being in the bridal party. Your daughter is going to be very happy being dressed as a little bride. Let it go but use this as a learning experience.
2007-04-25 09:20:57 · answer #8 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Technically, the parents of the flower girl are responsible for the her dress. Perhaps there was a mis-communication when you and they discussed what expenses they would cover. And if they are covering other expenses, they figured you would accept the traditional expenses.
If you can't pay them right now, you'll need to let them know, and try to figure out how to work things out. With honest communication, tact, and sincerity, you'll hopefully be able to resolve this.
2007-04-22 15:07:15 · answer #9 · answered by Tweety 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Often, the parents of the flower girl take care of the expense BUT since' they' changed the rules after telling you they would pay, just say you cant afford it and so they will need to find a different flower girl.
2007-04-18 10:54:11 · answer #10 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋