How do you do it with 2 or more kids??

Question

My daughter just turned 3 a month ago. For the last few weeks she has been a monster. Throwing tantrums, laying on the floor screaming, demanding whatever it is she wants, being rude, hitting, kicking, etc. You name it she is doing it. Today we were at an indoor playground and she wanted pizza "right now". I explained to her that couldn't happen right then. This wasn't okay with her. She began screaming (just an annoying scream she's been doing, not screaming any words) and refusing to get off the floor. Normally I would send her to her room or do a time out or ignore her. But in public with a 2 month old in the carseat, how am I supposed to do that?? I'm short so hauling around a carseat is hard enough, and there is no way I'd be able to do that AND grab a 3 year old throwing a fit. What do you parents do when one child needs disciplined in public? I finally smacked her on the hand when she hit and kicked me and of course got "the look" from other parents nearby... so what do I do?

by the way, when she throws fits she goes completely limp, so I really wouldn't be able to pick her AND the car seat, diaper bag, and whatever else we have and just leave unless we were shopping with a cart or something. I haven't quite mastered that move... what are some other things I could do? I don't want to bribe her either. And threats don't seem to work. Its like she loves the negative attention she is getting.

Answer 1

I have 2 girls that are 10 months apart. So it was real hard going places with them because of how young they both were. When I was put into that situation, I use to ignore the one throwing the fit. When she realized that I wasn't going to do anything about it, she stopped. She got into trouble when we got home though (usually a time out, etc). But I realized that her fit was over in half the time if I ignored it. The parents still look, but half of them understand what you're doing too.
Good luck, I know it's hard. Find something that works and stick with it.

Answer 2

Oh I feel for you! I have been in the same boat. I have a two month old and my oldest will be three next month, so literally, I know your pain! My oldest is over the part with the fits (but when my little one was just born, the fits were REALLY bad) and has learned to accept things, thank goodness. And please don't listen to the person who let you have it for smacking your daughter's hand....I'm sure you feel bad enough already and you still showed a lot of self control by not doing anything worse and your daughter left you will very little else to do.

Here's what we did that seemed to work and I hope something I say helps you a little. First, we got my son potty-trained. I don't know why it has had such an effect on this fits, but using the big toilet has really helped in his behavior. I don't know if your daughter is trained yet, but if not, it might help. Second, I made it a point that when we were at home, to show my oldest some extra attention...when I feed the baby, my oldest sits right next to me and we read special books that aren't within his reach usually and it's a big treat for him. When the baby is sleeping, I cuddle with the oldest and play some games, etc. So he knows that even though sometimes I have to be doing baby things, he'll get his time later. And third, when he did (and sometimes still has) a massive tantrum in public, I walk away and pretend to not be paying him any attention. Of course he's still within sight and nearby and I'm still watching carefully to make sure nothing happens to him, but I pretend to be very interested in something else like whatever he's doing isn't phasing me in the least. To be honest, I've never had to do it very long. As soon as I'd say to him, "this is not acceptable behavior and you're embarassing mommy so you can stay right there if you're gonna throw a fit" and start to walk away, he'd get worried I was really going to leave and get up and say, "no mommy, no leave me!" To which I'd reply, "then you need to be nice, can you do that for me?" And he'd say yes (you'll still get your looks, but I've basically decided that people who can't understand it either don't have kids, or if they do, their kids were either born perfectly behaved, or they're spoiled monsters). But usually such an extreme situation could be avoided by me telling him that I can't understand him unless he calms down (that's a lie, usually I could tell what he wanted, but it worked), and other times if he wasn't using words at all and just starting to throw a fit I'd say, "Honey, you need to use your words, otherwise mommy doesn't know what you want." And if he was still mad, then I'd ignore him until the words came out saying, "when you're ready to talk to me, then I'll listen."

So much easier said than done, I know, but it worked for us! It's been about a month since he's had a big fit like that. We're getting along much better now and I'm keeping some of my sanity. Good luck, I know how rough it is with two little ones, I'm there right now. But it will get better I promise. Just try and nip it in the bud now before this becomes regular. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

I hate to say this but it sounds like you must sharply curtail your public outings until you get your child under control. Or take along another adult who can take charge of the 2 month old.

All children go through phases of testing the limits. Unfortunately, some kids are more active and intensive testers of limits than others. I think my niece speant half of her two year old life in time out for screaming at adults.

At home you must, and of course you realize this, put a stop to it as soon as it begins. She screams at all-off to the naughty bench while you ignore her completelY. Lying down on the floor and kicking her little legs--off to the naughty bench. Once there, you simply state "sit there unitl you are finished." Then walk away. You must remain completely calm and act like it doesn't bother you one bit. (Which is the tricky part for me.)

She gets NOTHING at all if she doesn't ask for it pleasently and politely. The littlest bit of whine and it's gone and the answer is no. She throws a fit and you take her to the naughty bench.

Of course, when she's being good and sweet, you pay her lots of compliments "oh you asked for that so nicely."


At first her bad behavior will intensify in reaction to very firm system of discpline but she will eventually curtail her explosions. Then you can take her into public with the understanding that if she misbehaves it's off to the car and no more fun.

Some people do use some corpeal punishment for preschoolers. I never advocate for parents to strike their children in any way because, frankly, I don't know you or anyone who may read this answer and I would hate to have my answer become a twisted justification for real abuse.

There are two very good reasons to NOT use corporeal punishment, no matter how light, in public. The first is that it is humiliating to the child to be punished in front of others and we don't use humilation as a discipline tool. That is also why chastisment of whatever form of children should be done in the privacy of your automobile.

The second very good reason to remove your child from public is because I know of people who will follow you to the parking lot, write down your licesnes number, and call in a complaint of abuse/neglect to the child hotline. Even if what they saw was a light smack on a hand of a child who was being very bad. The last thing you want is an investigation by child protective services.

Answer 4

I know some people are gonna knock this but you should use Super Nanny Jo Frost's methods. You really need to master discipline with her at home before your next outing. Make a set of house rules like to hitting, screaming, kicking, yelling, etc. Make a naughty mat and explain to her that this is where she will go when she does any of the things that are not allowed. Her next attempt to win an oscar should land her on the naughty mat for 3 minutes. Explain to her why she's on. If she gets off, she goes back on and her time starts again. When she completes the 3 minutes, get down to her face level and talk to her about why she was there and that it's not ok and ask for an apology. She will catch on to the consequences and it will stop. Also make a game or way for her to earn tickets or points to do special things and go out to places like indoor playgrounds. Before you go somewhere, explain the rules. If the rules are broken, snatch her up and leave immediately. When you get home, on the naughty mat she goes. If she acts up in the car on the way there, turn around, go back home and on the naughty mat she goes.

Remember you are the parent and the one in control.


If you want to see her in action, she comes on abc monday nights. You can also visit: http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/index.html

and watch how she helped so many families in your same situation.

Answer 5

You hit the nail on the head when you said that she liked the negative attention.

First you need to teach her how to share. Play games and such with her. Teach her that it takes time to do things like cook, invite her to do these things with you. Say yes more often. When she said I want pizza NOW you can respond that it is coming NOW and they are in the process of making it NOW and they are finishing it up NOW. Curb the temper tantrums before they start.

Leave the carseat in the car and bring the double stroller. If you can not get her to change her temper tantrums then you can get everything gathered and leave. The "stuff" can all go into the basket under and the baby is sitting in their seat. you can either fight with the child to get in their seat or carry them under your arm.

A few times of leaving the party early and she will learn that her way sucks.

My children never went through this phase but then again, none of them were an only child for long and had to learn patience.

Answer 6

If it were me, I'd walk away from her where I could still see her & act like I am leaving her. Little kids are afraid of getting lost. Make her know what it is like to feel lost (lose her) like to the point where she cries "Where is my daddy?" Then when she sees you, hopefully she will be relieved and do the sniffling pout walk as she meets back up with you. Then next time she has a tantrum, walk away and say "Come on or you will get lost" Hopefully she will wise up (as much as a 3 year old can) & go with you this time. I know that all kids are different. I had a stubborn little cousin like that. He would not move from Kmart once. He wanted to stay there & we had to go. He stood in the same spot for 15 long minutes crying-tears & snot running down his face. I angrily said "come on Mario- now" over & over. I walked off like I was going home (because I was) and he followed far behind still crying loudly-but he followed. Then when we got there Im sure his mom gave him a nice lil tap on the bum. I grew up with 7 other siblings & believe me I know that trying different methods is a must for each individual child. Best wishes to you in testing all the methods-Tough love, tough love-even if the other parents give you the EYE.

Answer 7

I'm kindda in a hurry right now, but I just KNOW that people are going to tell you some stupid stuff so I'll say this and go. STOP BEING A PUNK!!! No offence. There are many many ways to cope with 2 (I have five) but you have got to get a game plan and stick with it(It will also apply to your 2nd child). 1st,: you popped her on the hand. Did it work? If so and it was natural for you you didn't break her? STICK WITH IT everytime she acts up she will come to know that her hand will be popped just like she has come to know she gets a kiss before bed. It's a simple matter of programing. And trust, YOU want to be the one running the program, not her and not some noisy *** strangers who should have been paying attention to their own kids anyway. Now if you are just feeling bad because you just DON'T WANT TO HIT. Try lying on the floor next to her and acting out her little scene TRUST she will STOP. Other people will stare at you and probably talk about you but you don't need to worry about them because you are programing YOUR CHILD!!! gl cocoa

Answer 8

The United Nations has the same problem with dictators. Their threats never work, because they've never actually carried out the "or else" part.

Children actually want limits. But they have to be defined, and constant. Limits also have to start as soon as a child is old enough to start learning - about 2 weeks old.

Every parent, whether you like it or not is showing their child "who's the boss". Too often, they are showing the child that the child is the boss. "The look" you got from other parents was probably "If you hit that kid more at home, you wouldn't have to here."

The bible says to spare the rod is to spoil the child. In 2007 speak, what that means is "If you don't spank/hit/beat that kid now, you'll be sorry later." The kindest thing you can do is to discipline your child at home, with 100% consistency. ALWAYS spank for an offense that requires spanking.

BTW - "Time out" is only supposed to be used in sports.

Answer 9

Don't smake her in public or at home she will learn by take away and time outs, but what you can do is buy a 2 seat stroller that way it will be easy for you or buy a dog or monkey that look like a back pack (find it at walmart) it has a string and that wat you will keep your daugther close to you... I have 3 kids 6, 2 and 3months..my 2 yr boy is very active and I have to be behind him and keep my eyes on him too, I am short too and sometimes is hard for me too but i had to learn to deal with this so I bougth a stroller with 2 seats and the little dog with a string I had it since he started to walk that way he can feel free but will not go far away and it will be close to me... AND you need to let her know who is the BOOS and she needs to learn to behave and respect you so if you need to be hard on her DO IT, she will learn sooner or later believe me my oldest daugther was like this adn it took me a lot of time outs and a lot of punishments but she learn...now I am teaching my boy the same ....good luck !!!

Answer 10

When she hits / kicks whatever...pick her up limp or not...tell her that's not acceptable / fix your attitude...whatever it is you say and then drop her (not technically) and let her be...don't say anything to her...if she moves closer to you and kicks you just simply back up and let her kick the floor till her little heart in content! Being in public is harder to discipline children I will agree...but in reality, she doesn't know how stupid she looks and you should care either...just let her get it out of her system and when she is done...tell her if she is going to act this way, then we won't come here and play anymore...that she can just play at home (or whatever the case may be)