How do I deal with a psychotic in-Law?

Question

In our family we have a 'Heffer' or a 40 something woman who has never had a child. Please stay with me while I explain why I call her a "Heffer". She starts rumors in the family and lies to everyone to puff up her own sad looking chest. She will be a little sheep to get info and then use it out of context to wreck everyones day. As long as all the family is fighting, she is happy. Of course all the family has kids and a life. Shooting women isn't legal in our neck of the woods, so I could use some feed back here. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Answer 1

In my experience, you should avoid, avoid, avoid.

BTW, chill out a little with the name calling. Come up with something appropiate to her actions. Heffer is just mean and so is insulting her body.

Answer 2

If she's as blatant about causing problems as she seems to be, surely other members of the family have noticed the problem, too. Shooting is definitely not an option, but shooting her down might be. If she asks personal questions like a "little sheep," when you know what she's going to use it for, why answer? Act offended and say "Why would you ask that?!?" If she gets that treatment often enough, she might still try to spread rumors, but she won't have the information she did.

Be honest with her, too. Tell her that you will not tolerate this behavior, and warn her up front that if it happens again, you will take some sort of action, such as asking her to leave your home when it happens. Then do it. Just because she's a member of the family doesn't mean she should be allowed to make everyone's lives miserable.

Answer 3

Every family I know has one of these. I found it's easy to cut them down- so to speak. It's very simple, turn it around on her.

Set it up with someone. Have them sitting right there listening. Tell the "heffer" some thing innocent, because you know she will turn it around into something bad, about the person listening. Then wait.

It's almost gaurenteed to get twisted into some thing. Then you and the "listening" person confront "heffer". It usually causes the heffer to behave for a few weeks.

Answer 4

Why don't you try telling her how you really feel?
And have you actually listened to the way you talk about her? Do children and a husband equal a life? She is a valid person with a life of her own and you should take a step back and try to recognize that. I'm not saying that she's not a coniving (obsenity). But your attitude towards her is unhealthy and fixing that and offering her the respect she deserves (with or without children) might intice a better attitude from her. Good luck!

Answer 5

If the family knows that she does this, then:
1. Why do they believe what she says?
2. Why do they continue to give her information which she then misconstrues?
3. Why do they even continue to talk to her?
4. Why doesn't anyone confront her in front of the rest of the family when she is blatantly lying?
As long as everyone continues to allow her to get away with it, she will continue to do so. Call her on over and over, let her know that all of you are on to her, make her uncomfortable, and she'll quit. The whole family should stop making it so easy for her. You're playing right into her hand.

Answer 6

there are many people like this out there. my best friend's mother is one of them.
i would definitely call her on it, in front of others is good because you'll have back up then, but either way ask flat out why she is only happy when other's are miserable. if nothing else you'll feel better that you didn't continue to say nothing and put up with it.
however, be prepared for the fallout. she may say bad things about you behind your back from this point on, so after the confrontation if this happens, just stay away from her as much as you can. if this is your relative then i'd do it, if this is your spouse's relative i would encourage your spouse to do it instead otherwise you'll end up fighting within your own house as well.

i can imagine how hard this must be for you to deal with, so good luck to you. remember, people aren't always aware that they are the problem until someone points it out to them. if nobody has ever said anything to her, she may not even be aware that she does this.

Answer 7

I wouldn`t associate with her any longer, and when you have to feed her all the wrong information. When she blabs, she`ll look like an idiot!! It`s funny because I have a sister in law that acts inappropriately all the time. She calls expecting money all the time. You just have to stand your ground and teach her a lesson.

Answer 8

Sadly it is legal nowhere, or id advise that you take her to somewhere it is. Id say you could either A) Boycott her. (Silent treatment, etc). or B) Sit down with her and tell her that her behavior upsets the family. I'd advise the second. If she got a good talking to, she might just come around.

Answer 9

shez just gone crazy without a child of her own.. when u say she is a little sheep to get info, u have to be careful that she doesnt get any info in 1st place to spoil peace in family...thats only way to keep her mouth shut.try to avoid being around her n watch ur words..if she is supporting u against somebody speak it out in front of them as if she did all talking against them....people like her r many in family than what u think...shez active n some r passive..hope u understand what i say

Answer 10

Cut her off. It will be HARD! Do not go to any family events where she will be and do not invite her to any event that you are having at your home. Do not call her and don't answer if she calls you. You and your husband need to agree on this!!! Explain to the rest of your family (if it comes up) that you do not want her to influence your children or your husband or yourself with her negative attitude.