Do you leave a suicidal man or stay with him?

Question

I've been with a man for a year and a half. He has always had manic depression. This past week I was going to tell him I needed a break (maybe 6 months or so to see if his behavior gets better...maybe so he'll know I'm serious about wanting him to get help) but before I could tell him, he volunteered himself to go to a mental hospital.

I feel stuck.

Do I still tell him I need a break, or do I stay with him because he's trying to get help? I have my own stress, I cannot deal with his as well. I'm trying to finish up college and get a job.

I do not have the energy or patience anymore. But part of me thinks things will get better.....what would you do?

Answer 1

MY MOM TOLD ME THIS AND IT'S NEVER BEEN WRONG,
YOU WONT BE HAPPY TRYING TO CHANGE A PERSON OR WAITING FOR A PERSON TO CHANGE,

THAT MEANING THERE'S ENOUGH PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHERE YOU CAN FIND ONE THAT SUITS YUO WITH OUT HAVING TO CHANGE THEM, WHICH IS ALWAYS BETTER


YEP YOU NEED TO BAIL FOR THE BENIFIT OF YOUR LIFE AS THAT IS WHAT REALLY COUNTS, HE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE YOU,DURING YOU AND GOING TO BE LIKE THIS AFTER YOU, IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX HIM
IT'S HIS JOB, YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT

Answer 2

If you made a serious relationship with him when you knew he had manic depression, it doesn't really seem fair to leave him for it. On the other hand, its not fair to you either, being emotionally exhausted and just out of college, getting a job.

If I were you, I wouldn't wait and ask him if you could take a break. Be honest with him, and let him know what you're feeling. A break may be just what you need; he'll get the help he needs and you'll get some time to devote to the things that require it and straighten out what you're thinking.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Learn to seperate the person from the affliction.. He is a probably great person.. with a delicate tangled mind. If he is getting help for it .. there is hope, but he needs support.
If you chose your personal mental wellbeing over the potential success of the relationship, you are being selfish and allowing his illness to win.
You have invested a year and a half into this.. If you love him stay.. if you don't.. leave. If you can't be there to help him through this, you are doing him no favors by hanging around.
I am sure he would love a break from the mental illness as well.. he just doesn't have that option.
Wow.. looking at the 40 answers above mine .. stigma is thriving in the opinion polls today.. spend a few minutes researching this illness for yourself before you accept ANYTHING here for face value.. Here are a couple links to help you out.. they will help you understand your options a lot better than reading open opinions from ignorant people.

http://www.bpso.org/
http://www.bipolarsupport.org/
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_helping
Good luck with this one :)

Answer 4

honey, if you want a break take it. I believe a person needs to help themselves first before they can be in a loving relationship, as well as help someone else. You need to understand what happens after you say lets take a break is not your fault. Do whats best for you. I have a twin brother who is in the same kind of situation and I want him to move from her, because she is suicidal and can't control herself. It is sad to see wha the goes through, so I can only image what you go through. Its better to take yourself out of a situation rather than put yourself in a deeper hole. Focus on school and work on getting a job, because that's what is important right now. Someone who is suicidal is dangerous to themselves and others. Also it takes time to deal and cope with being a manic depression, and apart of them never get over it. If you think you can handle it in the future, but if you know you do not have the energy or patience, do what you need to do in order to make your life right. Remember we only live once....

Answer 5

I'd notify the authorities of some sort as a heads up that I'm leaving a crazy man and leave. Then I'd tell the guy that it's over, probably at a counselors office that way I can leave him with a professional to speak with.

If he's gonna kill himself there really is so much a person can do to prevent it. It is also preceived as manipulation when ppl tell the other that they will kill themselves if they are ever left.

Some states will hold a mental person involuntary for 24 hrs to supervise them, if they're deemed safe they are released and would have to admit themselves voluntary should they want help. If they're not safe, they can keep them. Find out if you can do this.

Answer 6

If he's safe in the mental hospital, then just go ahead and tell him that you think the relationship needs a break and want to give him time to get better w/o you interfering w/it. This would upset a lot of people, especially suicidal ones, so if he isn't protected somewhere and focused on getting better, it could have negative effects on him.

Answer 7

I think that the fact that he's willing to get help is a great sign and a positive step towards him getting better. However, if you no longer want to be with this man, don't let his mental state get in the way. I can understand if you think that your leaving may be a hindrance to his getting better, but it's really not your problem. Don't put all that pressure on your shoulders - you have enough going on right now.

Answer 8

Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression)

Another type of depression is bipolar disorder, which was formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression. This condition shows a particular pattern of inheritance. Not nearly as common as the other types of depressive disorders, bipolar disorder involves cycles of depression and mania, or elation. Bipolar disorder is often a chronic, recurring condition. Sometimes, the mood switches are dramatic and rapid, but most often they are gradual.

When in the depressed cycle, the person can experience any or all of the symptoms of a depressive disorder. When in the manic cycle, any or all of the symptoms listed under mania may be experienced. Mania often affects thinking, judgment, and social behavior in ways that cause serious problems and embarrassment. For example, unwise business or financial decisions may be made when an individual is in a manic phase.

A significant variant of bipolar disorder is designated as bipolar II. (The usual form of bipolar disorder is referred to as bipolar I.) Bipolar II is a syndrome in which the affected person has repeated depressive episodes punctuated by what is called hypomania (mini-highs). These euphoric states in bipolar II do not fully meet the criteria for the complete manic episodes that occur in bipolar I.

For more information about this condition, please read the Bipolar Disorder article.

Symptoms of depression and mania

Not everyone who is depressed or manic experiences every symptom. Some people experience a few symptoms and some many symptoms. The severity of symptoms also varies with individuals.

Depression Symptoms of Manic Depression

* Persistently sad, anxious, or "empty" mood.
* Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism.
* Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness.
* Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex.
* Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping.
* Decreased appetite and/or weight loss, or overeating and weight gain.
* Fatigue, decreased energy, being "slowed down."
* Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts.
* Restlessness, irritability.
* Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions.
* Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain.

Mania Symptoms of Manic Depression

* Inappropriate elation.
* Inappropriate irritability.
* Severe insomnia.
* Grandiose notions.
* Increased talking speed and/or volume.
* Disconnected and racing thoughts.
* Increased sexual desire.
* Markedly increased energy.
* Poor judgment.
* Inappropriate social behavior.
i think it's best you stay away

Answer 9

I can only imagine what that has to be like. One of my ex-boyfriend had depression, it was hard. Everytime I would break up with him, he would cry, and tell me he wished he was dead. He was always depressed, and all the time I would tell him to get help and he wouldn't, and one time I told him he stessed me out, and he tried to hang himself. Til one day, I said I am finished, and I can't be with you anymore. I just left. And two weeks later, he checked into a hospital. You have to tell yourself you can't give into him. Tell him that he needs to get help, and that your not a doctor and that you don't have the patience for this relationship. Just be like I hope that you get help, and not let depression take over you life.

Answer 10

Give yourself a break without necessarily telling him. I mean, still communicate with him and support him as a friend, but dont just say "I need a break, goodbye" because he is so unstable and that may just make it worse. I had this same problem with a boyfriend, used to cut himself when I broke up with him so I stayed. But you cant let it get to the point where its controling your life and stressing you out. You have to learn where to draw the line. He finally left town because he saw how much it was stressing me out and he truly loved me...and Im happy he did.

Answer 11

Get him checked into the medical hospital, and then take your break. Don't ask for it. Don't warn him about it. Just check him in and go. You deserve it, and if you make sure he's in good hands first, you can move on without feeling guilty if he does something stupid.

You're not responsible for this man. You're not even obligated to see that he gets help, but if you can get him into a hospital first, it would make things easier on both of you.