comes over uninvited to your house, doesn't even speak to me and then leaves a big mess? I don't want him around. My spouse complains about him, but doesn't do anything about it.
2007-04-18 07:40:10 · 13 answers · asked by irisheyes 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I must mention that the family talks badly about this person all the time but never follows thru with their threats to cut them off. I can't really count on my spouse to back me up on this one. I'm afraid I'm on my own.
2007-04-18 07:54:14 · update #1
Without the support of your spouse and other family members you most likely will crash and burn on this one. Sorry
2007-04-18 08:45:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, YOU don't deal with an in-law, that only creates more problems. Your spouse is the one who needs to deal with it, so you need to have a really indepth conversation with your spouse about this problem and make it very clear how you feel.
Your spouse SHOULD respect your feelings, and at least try to reach a compromise. Possibly where the person can come over occasionally, (by invitation only!!!!) but the talking behind your back HAS to stop IMMEDIATELY (without a doubt) and your spouse is responsible for picking up the family member's mess.
I hope that helps.
2007-04-18 07:51:22 · answer #2 · answered by meg3f 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This person must have prejudge you for some insecure reason that you have no control over. The more self-esteem you have will protect you from feeling defensive. As far as your spouse, for a relationship to work you must communicate w/your spouse and agree on how to set limits on your uninvited guests. If someone talks about you it could be because of gossip they heard. Try and ask that person about their job, family or something that let's them see a side of you that cares about going forward instead of holding a grudge about the past.
2007-04-18 07:53:19 · answer #3 · answered by Leticia S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every time he comes to the door, answer it with keys and purse in your hand and say "Oh gee, I'm so sorry we were just leaving. You should have called ahead." Then go for a little drive. If he calls to ask to come over, just say it's not a good time.
As far as the trouble-causing and talking behind your back goes the best thing to do is just rise above it all.
2007-04-18 07:49:51 · answer #4 · answered by LX V 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If both you and your spouse agree that he is a problem then the two of you are going to have to lay the law down to him and tell him to stop it. It's your home, not his. It's your marriage, not his. He is being a lout; therefore. he is wrong all the way around. Tell him point blank that he is not wanted around because he is a problem. Being an in-law doesn't give him any special privileges.
2007-04-18 07:48:33 · answer #5 · answered by Preacher 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, the two of you are going to have to back each other and not allow this person to come round your home any longer, or else, you remove yourself when ever this person does come round, and make a deal that your spouse needs to be responsible for clean up duty for this particular guest.
2007-04-18 07:47:03 · answer #6 · answered by Hot Coco Puff 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
An in-law who constantly talks, leaves a mess, and uses you, is JEALOUS OF YOU or what you have that they don't have.
I would make excuses that you are leaving for somewhere politely and that's if they come unannounced.
As for the phone if they call, let the answering machine pick it up. ANd if by axxdnt you pick it up, say you have plans, again politely. Be the winner and play it cool.
2007-04-18 08:32:25 · answer #7 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make your spouse handle the situation. It's his/ her relative. He/she should deal with him. Make sure spouse sets ground rules for your home. If in-law does not follow then he has lost the privilege of visiting.
2007-04-18 07:48:28 · answer #8 · answered by pinacoladasundae 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they come over uninvited.... DON'T LET THEM IN! Tell them you are busy and to call next time and you "might" be able to arrange to go out for lunch ('bs' it...). It's YOUR house and you have to take control. The person is abusing you because you let it happen.
2007-04-18 09:25:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You DON'T deal with the person. Don't talk about him, don't associate with him, don't join in any "bashing" parties by the rest. Pretend he doesn't exist.
2007-04-18 08:16:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋