Let me ask you pro-life people this question....?

Question

This is going to be fairly long and may cover a few details expansions as well so please wait until I finish to reply. I'll let you know when I'm done.

I want to know something.

My husband and I have been together almost 7 years. We met on the internet 7 years ago (we weren't looking) last February on a chat playing a game we both enjoy. That would be in 1999. We got together in August 2001 and have been together ever since. We got married last June 17, 2006.

But we're still long distance. We are working on the paperwork but still waiting. This means that we see each other about once, maybe twice, a year due to expense.

He makes an appreciable wage. I DO NOT. My wage does not in any way approach one that would allow me to live on my own, never mind take care of a baby. I'm living with my grandmother, and stepdad and not paying rent because I simply can't afford it.

Oh, I've looked for other jobs, I'm not sitting here lazy, though I do have today off.

Two years its been since I graduated college. Two years I've been struggling to find a job in what I was trained in.

For his part, he cannot take care of me from a distance, nor would I ask him to.

Then in 2004, I was in a car accident that left me unconscious in a hospital bed for a week, and unable to work for a year while I struggled to figure out how to walk again.

As a result, I MUST now find a desk job. I can't stand for long periods of time. I can't lift anything over 45 lbs. However, those jobs are rare in this city due to the courses we have (Office Administration) in the college that releases 60 new students into the workforce every year who go about begging for the exact same jobs.

I work a front desk making $9 at about 20 hours a week.

Because I live with family, the gvt will not help me to pay my bills, so that my student loan gets repaid. I can't even afford a car.

I asked that you wait until I'm finished please, so that I can describe everything. Thank you.

Now, the thing I'm asking is this.. knowing all of that should my husband and I, when we only get to see each other about once a year, and definately CANNOT take care of a child... be forced NOT to have sex because it might produce a child?

Honestly think about it a little.

We simply cannot support a child. Its not going to happen at this moment. If we were together, we could. But right now, there's no way. And I can't, simply can't, be forced to take the time off work that a pregnancy can require.

Morning sickness is terrible in my family. My sister was sick for 5 months straight. Almost to the point of unable to get out of bed.

So... what do you propose we do, hmm? Stop having sex even though we're husband and wife? Or give birth to a child that we can't take care of and that would severely negatively impact our lives at this moment in time?

Its not that its not acceptable to have a child, its that its not possible at this moment in time.

He and I have already talked about this possibility in depth and we know what we'd do. Because we also know what our lives are like.

But I want to know what YOU think. Do you really think its nothing more than "Not wanting it" even after I told you that its not that we wouldn't want a baby?

There are always mitigating circumstances that you are dismissing completely. Because you can't seem to think outside your box.

And I'm finished my story now, so you guys can stop saying "whats your question" even though I asked you to wait until I was finished before you replied.

stony, nice way to miss the point. I think you're the one with the problem. Would you honestly abstain from sex with your husband if you saw each other only once a year?

I don't think I'm the one thats selfish here.

TNT, if I were pregnant, I wouldn't be blasting it on here lol. I'd be doing something about it.

Though its amazing how many people have missed the point entirely.

To those that saw the point, thank you. I'm not pregnant right now, but if I were to end up that way, it would be a very serious complication. Abortion isn't something I'd like to do, but its honestly the only option open to us at the moment.

People saying "adoption" but they're completely dismissing what happens during a pregnancy. Especially given what I said about morning sickness in my family. We simply can't do it.

I have to say that I've never been called sensitive on here. But I do think with my head instead of my heart. There's alot of things my heart would like that my head tells me otherwise. Its better to think with logic than emotion.

lol. vinslave, we use birth control. Its too dangerous not to. But birth control does have a failure rate, even if you "double up" using two forms.

angel, no I'm saying that my life is not stable enough for a child. Not even remotely.

Innocent, I actually have tried that. They all say "when you get down here, you can have a job, but until then we aren't willing to spend the money for the visa".

His own boss has even asked when I'm getting there twice because she wants to hire me "today" but the owner won't pay for the visa to do it. She did say "Whenever she gets here, she has a job the day she gets into the country".

The problem is that a work visa must be applied for by the company and most people aren't willing to spend the money or time to do it.

Unless you're from a third world country where you can claim refugee status and its a heck of alot cheaper to bring you in.

I'm Canadian so they won't do it.

yeah, its idiotic. I don't get why a third world refugee with nothing but the clothes on their back can get into the country easily but not someone from a first world nation that has an education to back up their contribution to society.

ex head, its not as simple as people think. I can't just "move there". If I do, it could result in deportation and I then won't be able to cross the border for 10 years. Its not worth it. I want to stay permanently. its been too many years already.

xxangel, god doesn't exist so god will do nothing. No wonder there are so many unwed teenage mothers if you Christians keep teaching teenagers that load of crap.

Answer 1

Pro-lifers believe in life at any cost... as long as it's not them paying it.

It's easy for them to sit back and say what others should do, since they aren't the ones who have to pay the financial, physical, emotional, psychological costs. I think most of the time they don't even consider that a factor, which is fine and dandy because for them it isn't. They fail to see the problem from the woman's point of view.

It's an extremely selfish position to take.

I have two beautiful and much-desired children, and even though they are the light of my life, I know what having them costs me. No one who is not prepared to pay that price should have to. The way to get rid of abortion is sex education, birth control, and a more helpful attitude in society about motherhood.

Answer 2

I've read your story, and I can feel for you. But the one thing I don't understand is why you two cannot be together. This is what does not add up. Yes, I realize that you have a debilitating accident, but how does that mean that you cannot be together with your husband?

Secondly, I realize in your situation that you don't want a pregnancy, that's understandable. But if you don't want a pregnancy, are you taking responsibility to prevent a pregnancy. Possibly birth control pills or another barrier form of contraception? I sincerely hope that if you are not ready for a child, that you will make plans to prevent the pregnancy.

You also brought up the morning sickness issue. If you and your husband are financially set and all ready to have a baby, the morning sickness issue will still be the same. So, I'm not sure how that makes it okay to abort, but not if you are able to finish the pregnancy. The morning sickness is still the same.

It sounds like you are asking us (in a very long winded way) to say that a person needs to look at each situation on an individual basis. I can accept that. But I also feel it still doesn't change the underlying fact - that abortion terminates a pregnancy and that means terminating a life form.

I just hope that you and your husband will take precautions to ensure that you don't get pregnant until you feel you can take care of the baby.

Answer 3

I'm not sure I got your question. Are you saying that maybe abortion is the way to go because you don't have a lot of money or time?

I can't really answer that, other than NO. That would be selfish for the child. There are a lot of people that don't have a lot of money or time, i.e. me. However, I would never even think about aborting one of my children. You just make do.

Oh, and I'm sure you are not lazy, or anything like that.

AS PER YOUR ADDITIONAL DETAILS:

Why didn't you wait to hit the submit until you were finished? Then you wouldn't have had all of us peons making fun of you.
I really don't see the problem here. If this is for real, then the sex isn't a problem because you are not together - though I may have missed something in your autobiography up there. When you are together sex isn't a problem anyway because we have birth control in the 21st century. So, go ahead and make love to your husband, just be smart about it. Condoms, the pill, diaphragms, all good things to invest in if you can't afford a child at the present.

I still don't think there is a question in there anywhere, though.

EXCUSE ME FOR A MINUTE:

HEY CHRISTIAN HATER DOWN THERE! What the crap are you talking about!?? Not all pro-lifers are "Christians" for one thing. For another, I am a Christian. Last year, my wife and I had four jobs all together - we didn't even gross 30,000. Does that sound easy to you? Grow up.

Answer 4

You didn't mention if you were done with your question or not. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Things will get better for you, I'm sure. All I ever say about abortion, use birth control to avoid unwanted pregnancies. I know they are not 100% effective, but they are pretty dam close. Using birth control would cut down so much on these abortions. I understand people make mistakes, sh-- happens. There is no reason for the amount of abortions every year. This is what makes me sick- the number. Yeah, I'm pro-life, I'm also pro-common sense. People need to think about the consequences of their actions. If you don't want to get pregnant-do what you can to avoid it. Sure, there are still going to be pregnancies that occur when birth control is used, but seriously, look at the numbers. Also, kids are not as expensive as people like to think. I have four children, we've had some tough times, I raise them alone, no financial help from the two fathers. The children have never realized when money is tight. We don't shop at Macy's, alot of our stuff is used, but buying used is good for the environment anyway!!! I hope things work out for you. Take care.

Answer 5

Use condoms and the pill if you are really afraid. There is a chance that you can get pregnant but still, if you want to enjoy each other in that kind of embrace then go for it, just be careful. And have you thought about looking for a job where he is or somewhere in between so you can both be together ie, move there? You don't have to get a job in the city where you live. It can be hard and would be at first but things would get better if you both have an income. Oh, and what do you do with your money? I bet you make roughly 600 a month, so where does it all go, you don't pay rent, and you can't get a car, gas and bus is expensive but not that expensive and you can always do pack lunch's, everything else is just luxury and not necessary.
best wishes to you both.

Answer 6

90% of abortions are in the first tri-mester. 8% are in the second so that stupid delusion many have of a doctor stabbing a healthy baby in the head while it's being born is incredibly misinformative.
On a previous question, one person pointed out that no one has ever claimed 'over-population' as a reason for an abortion, Condoms are a he ll of a lot cheaper than an abortion (if one is looking for a form of birth control), and pro-lifers never seem to acknowledge medical reasons. However, rape victims should just have the baby and let maternal instinct take over. We're all the same, don't ya know (eye-roll)
I'm pro-choice myself so I guess I'm just giving you more 'ammunition'.
However, I got pregnant when I was 19 and went ahead and had the child. Since then, I've been disabled b/c of a stroke-like reaction to medication I was given. I live with my parents and am about 32. Not at all happy with the way things are right now BUT I am incredibly grateful I have my child. He gets on my nerves at times (he's starting puberty so now the real 'test' of my limits begins) and there are moments when I really would like not to be a parent, but still, there are times when he comforts me and I can always count on his being around and more accepting of me than anyone else. Also, he's a huge source of motivation for me not to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I also struggle a lot more to 'grow up' and become a better person.
I am pro-choice b/c I have lived enough to know there are no 'blanket' situations, and although mine worked out for me, I know someone who had a child even younger than me. She was not ready...and it shows. I feel sooo bad for her daughter and think/believe having her at that time, was not the best idea.
If you do ever become pregnant, I don't knw that anyone you know personally would look down on you for terminating the pregnancy as things are right now...I just want to point out that having a child is not the huge burden some make it out to be. It can be rewarding and uplifting , too.
Still, some aren't ready to have children and shouldn't be forced too.

Answer 7

What's is your question? I do not categorize myself. I answer question based on various facts. Well, except that I am an atheist.

Edit: OK. Your situation isn't that bad. Your family is helping and you have a job. You can start trying to save money for a car. Look on the internet to find a good used car (around 3000). You can still claim independent to get goverment help even though you live at home. It will be little help. You will have to talk with your family to decide. Just think, there are people who are in worse situations. Hang in there, save money, invest your money in education or in saving (mutual funds).

Edit: Sorry. Most of us did not know you weren't finish. Set your priority. Family planning is vital if you have other priorities. If you are pregnant and since you two love each others and the baby, you should try your best to raise the baby. If the advices here are not what you are looking for, seek help in some non-profit organization. They have more professionals to help you. Good luck.

Answer 8

I read it twice... I don't recall you saying where birth control would be a problem for you... is it out of the question? I would never tell anyone to not enjoy each other having sex, but try birth control, there are many forms.

Hey... and just to be a pain in the rear... if this is more than just a hypothetical story... gotta ask... have you tried the federal jobs, or state jobs system? GS/Wage grade positions pay fairly well... it's hard for a civilian to get in if you're not a veteran, but it's worth a shot if you haven't tried it. It might not even be an option to ya, but I thought I'd toss that out there, just in case. Ignore this if it's worthless.

_()_

Answer 9

Is there a question in there somewhere? If you're looking for us to tell you its okay to kill a baby cause you can't afford to raise it, then you aren't gonna get that from me. If you get pregnant and your wonderful husband refuses to support his child, then you could give it up for adoption for people who've been waiting years for a baby. I know, you'd rather kill it, it would be so much more convenient to not have to deal with getting all fat for a few months. Your personal convenience is so much more important that the life of a baby and how very rude of anyone to think you should understand about birth control! That would make you accountable for your own actions, but I'm guessing you'd rather not have to face the consequences of your own actions, huh? You're proof that we live in the most selfish society in the history of this world.

Did you also have a reason as to why you're not able to use birth control? Would you rather get pregnant and get an abortion than take a pill, use a condom or what? I'm sorry, but I can't feel a lot of sympathy for someone coming here and getting angry at answers to their question because its not the answer you want. If you don't want to hear the answers, don't ask the question.

Answer 10

Many pro-lifers do allow and use birth control, particularly barrier methods. Not all of the Pro-lifers are Roman Catholics who by Church teaching, must reject these.

That being said, it is not acceptable to abort babies as a means of birth control, EVER. You sound as if this is what you are planning.

This is why people who cannot raise a child should not be having sex. I don't understand how you thought you were ready for marriage when you didn't live in the same country, you didn't have decent jobs or a place to live on your own.

Please do not compound your mistake by making a baby with this man that you will feel forced to kill.

Answer 11

Moraies, thank you for asking your question. I only hope that I can give you good advice. I understand the difficulty of your situation. I wish that there was a magic wand that I could wave to make this an easier decision for you. But all I can tell you is that there is a little baby inside of you, and it is your little baby. I have always been pro-life and have been raised in a home where you would understand why I am. However, I am a reasonable person. I have seen video of babies being aborted, and they are alive. They are not a fetus. Unfortunately, my sister chose to have an abortion. She got pregnant out of wedlock and made what I believe to be the wrong choice. I am 100% positive that she believes it to be the wrong choice now too. It haunts her. I don't know how you are going to make it financially in the circumstances you described, but I believe you can. I will pray for you. I hope that this was helpful.