How Do I learn to trust a recovering coke addict? I have decided to stay the boyfriend who has an addiction?

Question

He has been to a 7 day rehab. But I cannot seem to trust him to go out anywhere without me. Even when we go out together I question what he is doing.

Answer 1

Cocaine is not the kind of drug that you remain addicted to physically as it is out of your system in a few days to weeks...

It is not like heroin in that is causes no physical pain or withdrawals... The addiction is purely mental and emotional.

A cocaine addict is a special breed of addict... When high, they will lower their moral structure and allow themselves to do things that they normally would not.

It is a drug that creates a different person mentally and emotionally while high on it... As opposed to a drug like heroin or meth which actually physically changes the persons mind and body forever...

It is rather easy to see if they are on it or not considering...

Most addicts however do relapse because a psychological dependency is often just as strong or stronger than a physical one.

Good luck with that...It is a hard road that you have chosen for yourself and my only hope is that you are not dragging children into this situation?

Answer 2

I am sorry but I don't know that there is any way that you can. Basically time will tell. But while you might care for him and want to do the 'right' thing, you have to do what is right for you. The relationship won't work if there are trust problems, and maybe you need to think what kind of partner and life you want to have. It sounds like until now he has been hiding this from you, or you knew when you met him, and they are both a big deal.
Maybe get some councilling- there might be councilling services for partners of people with a drug problem. They would be able to give you specific advice and coping strategies.
I hope that whatever decision you make works out and I am sure in time things will be ok, but make sure you look after you.

Answer 3

This is a hard question to answer. It seems to me that 7 days is nowhere near enough time to be over an addiction. (unless he has had a real religious experience ) But, in not trusting him and having to be whereever he goes, you are stressing yourself to the limit and for no reason. You can not MAKE him clean. The choice HAS TO BE HIS. He has to make the decision that you, your relationship, your lives together, his health is more important than the drug. You can't do anything except love him and wait to see which he will choose.
Prayer will help you both.

Answer 4

OK....here's the deal.

First of all, you said that he has been to a 7 day rehab. I can tell you from having many friends with coke and heroin problems that seven days is NOT going to help. Yes, it is a step in the right direction, but your bf should go to a 30 day in patient program, at the LEAST. He also needs to be responsible and go to meetings and find himself a sponsor if he chooses not to go inpatient.

As for trusting him, that's really difficult. Right now, I would not necessarily focus on fully trusting him, but trying to help him (so long as he wants to have help) get into the inpatient program. If you are truly planning on staying with him, please understand it will not be easy. He may begin to use again, even with rehab. You say that you dont trust him when you two go out. You shouldnt be going out anywhere! Its difficult for a recovering addict to hit the social scene when he hasn't had proper rehabilitation process.

But to answer your question- you don't learn to trust him. He needs to gain your trust, and he needs to understand that he has lost your trust because of his ACTIONS, and words will not make it up. As I said, it's a very long process to recovery, but your bf is very lucky to have you.

I suggest if he's serious about his recovery, and you are serious about staying with him, then maybe both of you should be getting help. He, again, should be in an inpatient program, and you should go to meetings with him for his addiction, and you should go to a support group for family and friends of drug addicts.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

there's a huge difference between love and trust.


just because you love him doesn't mean you should trust him, and you should NOT trust him.
that doesn't mean tie him up, that just means don't believe that he's to be trusted, because he isn't.

time will show if he's trustworthy -- only his actions will EARN your trust.

the ONLY way he's likely to get better (especially after only SEVEN damned days in treatment) is if he's in a SERIOUS recovery program of some sort. 12 step programs work best, but at least some kind of aftercare with his treatment program -- where they'll tell him to go to 12 step meetings...

if he's not willing to do this stuff then he probably won't get better.

i recommend you visit al-anon or nar anon's websites (just google em!) and read up on dealing with an addict...

Answer 6

Better to question what you are doing . . .
7 days ? what a joke , wake up .
Do a 180 , and double time it the opposite direction.
The success rate on rehab for almost any addict is like < 1% .
Better you spend your life helping people with leprosy,
At least they won't be stealing your stuff for a fix .

Answer 7

he is in recovery, what else can he do?

He probably will relapse as addicts tend to.

Addiction is a disease and if he does do it again, he doesn't want to, he feels he needs to.

He's going through a hard enough time right now.

Answer 8

You have to get over it or end the relationship. Its as simple as that!! Either you trust him or you dont.

If he is going to go back to doing blow....then it doesnt matter what you do!! And you find out eventually anyway, so why follow him everywhere?

Answer 9

People do get clean. Your boyfriend may or may not be one of them. If he stays clean you will eventually learn to trust him again. If he doesn't, then you need to move on. It's really as simple as that.

Answer 10

you dont. i read or heard somewhere that addicts should steer clear of romantic relationships as they need to focus on their recovery. And I dont think a 7 day rehab is going to be sufficient for him to break his addiction either.

good luck