i heard that it's best to marry a guy first before moving in with him because it will ruin the "bliss" and getting married will become less of a priority because you see each other everyday. i agree with this but want to know other peoples opinions.
2007-04-18 05:13:51 · 25 answers · asked by weseemedtheperfectsong 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Obviously it's better to marry first, as long as you have been dating at least 18 mo. and been engaged a year. If you look around the other relationship parts of this site, it's full of girls who are so disappointed and mad because they were shacking up and the dudes changed their minds and don't want to get married any more - what a surprise!
If you have a great guy, get a commitment of marriage and start exploring your lives TOGETHER. It's much more fun discovering everything when you are totally on the same page, and working towards the goal of strengthening your relationship and marriage.
2007-04-18 09:04:13 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it depends on the situation. For me personally, it was a natural thing to move in with someone I wanted to be married to. Even though I didn't stop paying rent on my apartment for a while, I was essentially living with my b/f three months after we met. It wasn't some ground-breaking decision on our parts, we just wanted to be together. We got engaged a year later, and married 4 months after that.
I don't know what kind of "bliss" you're referring to; our life is as blissful as it gets. If anything, we get along much better now than we did when we first started living together; there was an adjustment period when we argued about some things, but we haven't had a serious argument for many months now. I don't think that marital bliss is something that can be imposed by some external circumstances; it comes from within a relationship itself. I don't feel there can be a "rule of thumb" of what the best course of action is when it comes to such a fluid and flexible thing as human relationships. Each person must decide on what feels right to them. Generalizations don't always work in real life.
2007-04-18 13:03:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with this. I have heard this a lot from my family but I come from a divorced family and wanted to know what living together was going to be like before I married. A lot of people that do not live together first are shocked at how hard and trying it can be. In my opinion you should just because a wedding can be very stressful then afterwards you are thrown into a whole new situation that takes a lot of adjusting. Could be why the divorce rate is so high.
2007-04-18 12:40:29 · answer #3 · answered by Cash, Gage and Jax's Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say move in first.
My fiance and I dated 1.5 yrs, moved in together and moved out of state, we lived together 8mo and then he proposed!
Living with him first gave me a taste of how our lives will be as a married couple, and if we could really last or not. And if affirmed what I already knew-that we can.
I know him inside and out, we know each others quirks, he knows I leave toothpaste in the sink after brushing my teeth, and I know sometimes he'll forget to put the seat down....we deal with it, you know the good and the bad, and you are able to see if you can deal with the bad habits before you commit to marriage.
Moving in first has allowed us to grow as a couple, know each other better than ever, and make us completely confident in our relationship and our marriage.
Ultimatly it is up to you and your beliefs, but I see moving in first as an advantage! Good luck with whatever you choose.
ps: I don't think it ruins the 'bliss'-we do not own our own house, I wanted the thrill of that to happen when we were married, marriage is so different than just dating, I don't think living at the same residence takes away from that at all :)
2007-04-18 13:42:41 · answer #4 · answered by Katie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have been together for a long time and are both ready to get married, get married first. However, don't just get married so you'll have a reason to move in together because it will probably lead to divorce. Getting divorced is much more complicated than moving out!
Just make sure that you guys are in the same place. If you want to get married and he doesn't, the worst thing you can do is move in together. If you both want to get married, and soon, then moving in together can help prepare you.
Moving in together is no more morally wrong than having sex with someone you're NOT living with!
2007-04-18 13:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a personal decision. Follow your heart.
Just because you live together first doesn’t mean that it will stay the same when you get married. Some people have different expectations from a spouse than a live-in girlfriend/boyfriend.
With a wedding, adding in a move can be added stress that you don’t need. However, if you are religious, then it is the way to go.
2007-04-18 12:47:11 · answer #6 · answered by Robin C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people seem to think this is a sexual issue, when it's really not. I moved it with my fiancee about six months ago and I'm glad I did. There was a lot of fighting when we first moved in together because we were both adjusting (he had been on his own for so long and I had never been out of my parents house). It was better for us that way but everyone is different. You should do whatever is right for you.
2007-04-18 14:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a good question. A good reason to move in with him first is to get an idea of his habits, how he REALLY keeps his place, cleans, cooks...etc. You really should find out if you even want to LIVE with this person, let alone marry him.
The flipside to that is the old "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". And it is true. A man will not be more willing to commit to you if he can get all the perks of a marriage i.e. consistent companionship, joint responsibility..etc without the legal commitment involved and he will take advantage as long as he can. Its not that he is doing it on purpose or to hurt you, but you have given him no reason to make an honest woman out of you.
I know this because I have been with a man for 4+ years now. He only proposed to me last year. I moved in with him 6 months after we began dating. We spun our wheels for 2 and a half years until I broke up with him for not making a commitment. Thankfully for the both of us, he saw the light and proposed to me 2 months after I broke up with him. It wasn't forced however, I was not going to use my young years waiting for him to make up his mind.
So whatever you decide, proceed carefully.
Good Luck.
2007-04-18 15:11:34 · answer #8 · answered by SupaDupaWoman 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm kinda split on this topic I think half the time wait until marriage. Then the other half thinks it is good to live with someone to see how well you live together, and you can see what type of person they are before you tie the knot. It is a personal choice just because you are living together you can save the sex for marriage, YEAH RIGHT!. Really though I lived with my wife before marriage and well it let us see how we lived together as a couple. Still married going on 8yrs.
2007-04-18 12:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt ruin anything. For me, its been better. Weve gotten to experience living with eachother, and find out how compatible we really are(very :) ) But thats whats worked best for me, marriage first might work best for you. We are getting married nonetheless, living together didnt impact that in any way other than if we found out we didnt live so well together, then we might not be getting married. But getting engaged was just as exiting, and getting married will be just as exiting, it just depends on you
2007-04-18 15:55:57 · answer #10 · answered by ♥mama♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋