Was this a "snub"? Friend didn't bring gift to baby shower.?

Question

At a recent baby shower, a colleague/friend first asked the mommy-to-be to drive out of her way to give her a lift to the shower and then didn't bring a gift for the baby. (It's been more than a month and still no gift has been given.) Our circle is mixed about this: some say she was pretty rude others (including me and the mommy-to-be) want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Any thoughts?

Thanks for the answers. I'm not overly worked up about it, just curious. And no, I've not been gossiping. Someone else who attended the shower brought this up in front of the mom and me the other day asking if so-and-so had given her a gift yet. We both moved away from the subject VERY quickly. As for the person who said that is shows bad manners to discuss this on Yahoo. I'm sorry, but that is what Yahoo is for! It's an anonymous way to get opinions. Also, yes, it's true, traditional etiquette does state that a shower is for the purpose of gift-giving. If you receive a traditional invitation, and can't attend, you are still expected to give a gift, even if it's just a handmade card and an IOU saying "this coupon is good for one cooked meal after the baby comes".

Answer 1

Maybe she was just stupid. Maybe she'd never been to a baby shower before. I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt, since it saves you or the mommy-to-be feeling offended. Less negative emotion for you guys, and it means that even if it was intended as a snub, it falls flat.

Answer 2

I think it's very rude. She was invited to the shower to celebrate the woman's pregnancy and the upcoming birth of her baby, yet all she really did was crash the party--eat the food, play the games, and go home. How can anyone NOT think this is rude? At the very least, she should have taken the mommy-to-be aside and quietly explained to her that finances are tight right now, she's sorry, and she'll make up for it a ways down the road when she gets caught up financially.

She could also have gone to Target or Babies 'R Us and gotten a 3-pack of soft bibs and a package of burp cloths. Those two together cost less than $10.00, and would have been greatly appreciated by the mom! (If she's a first time mom, the gift may have seemed "cheap," but she'll realize down the road just exactly how thoughtful a gift it really was!)

Answer 3

If I was invited to a shower, I would say a gift would be expected. I'd feel wery awkward if I didn't show up with a gift. It's nice you're giving her the benefit of the doubt, but she could have gone about this in a better way. If I really, really couldn't afford the gift, but still wanted to be there for the mother to be, then I would have called the person hosting the shower, and even the person the shower was for, and explain my situation, saying that I wished I could afford to give something, but I just can't. I would then have gone on to make a homemade card or something like that, so that I at least had something with me. She most likely would have needed a ride, whether she had a gift with her or not, so that's not the point at all. At this point I would just let it go, not worry about it. What's done is done. I don't think it was gone about in the right way, but you can't change the past, and so just learn from the experience and move on.

Answer 4

It is odd that she went out of her way to go to the shower and didn't bring a gift. If I couldn't afford a gift at the time, I would tell the mommy-to-be that I would have to get her something later but would enjoy being at the shower.

I think anyone who is an adult knows that you do bring a gift to the baby shower. She is wrong, but, oh well, there are many odd people out there.

Answer 5

Maybe she just doesn't know. That's not an excuse though. Someone should buy an etiquette book and drop it on her doorstep or set up an anonymous account and email her that it was bad etiquette to not bring a gift to the baby shower.

Answer 6

Perhaps she does not have the money to spare...Why go on about it? So people don`t have the spare cash to fund all these things society dishes out to them ... I know a mother in our play group who is really going through a rough time and has no spare cash. Her son was invited to a birthday party last week and he didn`t bring a gift. EVERYONE noticed!! How embarrassing for that little boy!! The adults, ( the other moms) were cruel. I wish society would realize that sometimes material things JUST ARE NOT ALL THAT IMPORTANT!!! Would you rather your friend starve for the week in order to give that women a lousy present?

Answer 7

Why did she have to bum a ride? Does she not have a vehicle? And if not, does that indicate that she is financially strapped?

Give her the benefit of the doubt. At least until AFTER the baby is born. Maybe she just wanted to see what all was given at the shower to avoid having too much of one thing or maybe she wanted to be certain of the sex of the baby before buying a gift. (Just b/c the doctor SAYS it will be a boy/girl doesn't mean that it will!)

Answer 8

If it bothers you that much, talk to her directly. Personally I think it shows poor manners on your part to keep discussing it with your friends and the world of Yahoo.

There could be many reasons why she didn't bring a gift. Find out. If she doesn't have a lot of disposable cash, suggest she make a scrap book or decorate an inexpensive frame. Maybe you could take the time to help her with the project so she can overcome her social faux pas.


P.S. In response to the addition to your question: So your bad manners aren't on par with hers? Also, some people strongly believe that gift-giving BEFORE a baby is born is bad luck. Unless you speak with her directly, you will never know why she didn't bring a gift. If this woman is a friend and it bothers you enough to ask the world of Yahoo, I simply think she deserves the courtesy of a conversation. In other words, it will ALWAYS be a HIDDEN AGENDA among at least the three of your and her unless you bring it out in the open.

Answer 9

Perhaps she is going through a rough financial time, and all she could afford to give is her good wishes.

Please don't hold this against her.
I thought that gifts were optional when someone is invited to such an occasion, and that the recipient should be grateful for what she received, not hold a grudge for what she didn't get.

Answer 10

Not a snub, but just to prove to you and all who thinks the same that inviting someone to a shower doesn't guarantee a gift. You just have to live with it. Kudos to this friend.

Answer 11

do no longer subject with regard to the Dad's relatives. How will they understand what you supply as a recent? they might think of you sent something formerly in the event that they do no longer see you return in with something. although, i think of the suitable way is to get something small, yet own, and write in a card "i understand I sent you a recent already, yet i desired to get you something extra own" that way if she does not undergo in recommendations and has to ask she would have the ability to sense undesirable no longer you, meaning she would have the ability to no longer ask or exhibit regret for forgetting or no longer sending a thank you card. to boot it does not appear as if this bathe is merely to get presents, provided that she already has what she desires from the 1st one, and because that's lots smaller (own) it form of feels extra like this bathe is extra of a amassing of the human beings she needs to have in her toddlers existence while it starts off, so congrats on the compliment and doubtless write something approximately that it the cardboard too. good good fortune and you may desire to have exciting on the bathe.