It's they way I've always been but no matter how irrational someone is being or unfair, even if I know on intellectual level it is nonsense, I still feel guilty about them getting upset. Its really a problem for me because people who know me tend to exploit this weakness, all you have to do is get mad at me, and I'll feel guilty doesn't matter if it's for a good reason. I would so much like to be person who could be like "you're full of crap" when people try to guilt trip me.
2007-04-18 02:02:47 · 9 answers · asked by BossHogg R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to find ways to boost your self-esteem. Also, this could be a symptom of depression.
2007-04-18 04:09:29 · answer #1 · answered by punchy333 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until recently, I have also struggled with this. This is really a control issue. You think you can make things better by having more control. When you lose that control, and something doesn't go the way you think it should, you feel guilty and think you are responsible.
First, you need to let go of the control. The only actions you have control over are your own. Other people control their own actions and should take responsibility for them. Allow those people that control and the responsibility.
Second, you need to stop taking responsibility for everything around you. This related to control, but goes a bit deeper because people like you & me tend to feel that we are a reflection of the actions around us. That's just not true.
Once you can separate yourself from your surroundings and the people in those surroundings you can begin to let go of the guilt. This doesn't mean you need to be callous or one of those "you're full of crap" people. Instead, this means you will not allow others to project their insecurities on you. You're probably a very nice person who takes people at face value. Don't think of yourself as naive, instead you're a good person who believes what people say.
Best of luck!
2007-04-18 02:42:28 · answer #2 · answered by retropink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably have some underlying anxiety which is causing this... perhaps when you were growing up you were blamed for things quite a lot? This could cause the issue you are experiencing now.
Truth is, people get angry and upset and you can't control their feelings. You can only control your own.
Guilt is for criminals and you're certainly not one of those. Perhaps you could do a websearch on COPING WITH GUILT, and also look for COPING WITH ANXIETY. I know you would get a lot of hits, and i hope you will find something which is helpful.
There is no use walking around feeling responsible for the feelings of others. You're not responsible for their feelings, only your own.
take care hon.
2007-04-18 02:58:53 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Become pro-active, not re-active.
If you've genuinely done something wrong - hurt someone else, whatever - do whatever you must to make it right. Then, once you know you've done everything you can do, let it go; if the person is still upset, they're choosing to be upset, which has nothing to do with you. Anything else, anything which is out of your immediate control, let that go, too.
It's always seemed to me to be the height of arrogance to believe that I can actually control or change someone else's life, experiences, feelings, whatever; I can't, and I know I can't. So I do what I can do - and I don't do guilt.
You can choose your "pro-actions"; go for it! It's really easier than you think.
2007-04-18 02:33:28 · answer #4 · answered by MomBear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just think about the situation and ask yourself "was i really responsible what happened?".. be true to yourself. the answer will come up to you and the 1st answer is always the right one. think about it once, and then get your anser--forget it or go say sorry-- sometimes people dont understand what "sorry" means but it is good for yourself... if you always feel guilty, solve the problem and go to them and ask your questions which makes you the unguilty one. trick them instead of fighting for the truth..
2007-04-18 02:36:55 · answer #5 · answered by Azz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you allow other people to walk all over you and control you with guilt trips, they will. You need to get a back bone and stand up to them. It's not your job to make everyone happy.
2007-04-18 04:02:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a backbone!! Don't feel guilty for something you are not responsible for....Try it once...say "you're full of crap"...you'll feel better and it'll become easier to say.
2007-04-18 02:14:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's just the way some of us are. I used to be that way more than now. I think as you grow older you'll see that way of thinking is a waste of your time.
2007-04-18 02:26:56 · answer #8 · answered by Tex 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stop feeling guiltyresponsible
2016-02-01 12:55:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋