How to Discipline a Toddler?

Question

Ever since my 22 month old learned the word no he says it all the time. When told what to do he says no. My husband spanks him each time he does this until he starts to cry. I hate to hurt him, I just feel he will eventually grow out of it. Am I wrong? My husband and I always argue about discipling our children. I know I need to do it but constantly spanking them is frustrating and tiring. Mature answers please.

Answer 1

For a 22 month old using the word "no" becomes a control game. Hitting him for this is only going to set up a very bad ongoing relationship with his dad. Yes, there are times when a swat might be needed, but never enough to make a child cry. Why take chances on damaging their developing psyches and confidences? This WILL have long reaching effects.
It is easier to teach the child that some things are not given choices (getting dressed, eating at least something, doing whatever is needed for a situation to be a safe one) and some things he DOES have choices about. He can choose his own clothes each day, skip a bath once in awhile, not eat the peas or whatever he doesn't like (substituting something else healthy). This is how the decision making part of his mind begins to work. Would you or your husband like being beaten into submission? Perhaps your husband has some control or anger issues...does he try to control you also? Counseling will help if this is indeed the cause.
Anyway, the next time squirt says "no" just let him have his way this one time and even if he's going without shoes, let him....he will quickly learn that it wasn't a good choice and he will have to deal with the consequences...an adult mind is being formed!

Answer 2

Spanking is STUPID.
Thats your mature answer.

I was a nanny and a childcare giver and the oldest of four, I've been a babysitter from the age of 11 and I've been an intregal part of multiple households and No spanking works just fine. JUST FINE. I've NEVER had to spank a kid. EVER.

Kids can have serious social issues if they get spanked and such a young age they literally cannot see why this happens.
It is stunningly painful and scary for a tiny little kid to have an adult loud, angry and in their face let alone hitting them. Big deal the kid says no. so what? they are asserting thier intelligence, independance, so you spank him? get him to "behave"? you'll only teach him to lie and decive and he'll learn way early not to tell you when he's making mistakes.

Want to teach him to bully littler ones? scare someone smaller every time he feels threatened? Keep it up, make him a statisic. Try reading a book or talking to a doctor, Attachment parenting, gentle discipline, etc., can give you insight. You have good reason to feel tired out, it's WRONG.

Answer 3

okay, first he needs to be told (over and over) that what he is doing is wrong and why. Second, time out is only appropriat by age...1 minute for every year of age for toddlers, after that, they cannot remember why they are there and it does no good. I, personally, believe in spanking as discipline, but only as last resort. He may be to the point that taking away priviledges will work, also. If he is used to a routine and there is something that he really likes (but isn't necessary, such as food), such as his tv time, going to the park or something similar, tell him that if he doesn't behave by not doing this___ or by doing this____, then he'll not be allowed to do or have what he wants/likes. I used to have a problem with my son grabbing things off the shelf when we were grocery shopping when he was this age. I started to make sure that my hubby went along with us and if our son would get anything off the shelf without asking and being allowed to do so, I would let my husband finish the shopping and we would go out and sit in the car for the rest of the trip. He screamed alot the first time (from not getting his way) but quickly learned to follow the rules and listen. They are children and will slip every once in a while, but he does really well, for the most part.

Answer 4

You and your husband need to reach an agreement. Spanking a child until they cry is a bit much but on the other hand you saying he will outgrow it is wrong as well. I would try putting him in timeout, but a pat on the bottom (one of two) is not abusive or wrong. There is always the soft hearted parent and the harder parent in relationships. lt seems like your husband may be a little too hard, but you are too soft. Try a timeout and then if that doesn't work, give him a pat or two on the bottom. Both of you need to be doing the discipline. I hate to say it but in the end he will end up respecting your husband (if he is not abusing him) more than you, if you don't toughen up.

Answer 5

Look him in the eye, and say his name, and tell him, that he must listen, and that if he does not do what you want him to do, then he has will lose his favorite toy, for 10 minutes, and if he keeps doing the wrong things, then may be it will be for 1/2 day, and it could go all day. I think 22 months is too young for the corner. Kids will say no, it has something to do with the tongue. (smile) so the next time he says it, just say no, no, and explain to him why, this is where guidance comes in, at this age you have to be constantly teaching him. This is where the ground work comes in. Now a little tap. is not going to hurt, it will just let him know, that it is a no, no, not to do that again, now to keep peace in your home, you and your husband, needs to be on the same page! Blessings!

Answer 6

Your little toddler is going through the terrible 2's, I have teenagers and never ever did I spank, your teaching your child that violence is the way to resolve problems and it shows that your husband is weak, meaning he has no clue on how to discipline a child, at that age everything is no to them, I used and found this very effective, using the time out chair, he sits for the total of 2 mins (his age) and if he keeps getting up, you place him back in that chair, when his time is up ask your child why he was put there, so that he clearly understands why he was punished. My x did the same thing and that is why he is gone, never ever spank your teaching him to hit other people and when he goes to pre-school that is what he is going to do, hit other children because that is what he is learning. I don't mean to sound mean but, when men hit their children or even woman it really upsets me because your child is only acting out what he is taught and if an adult has to use physical touch it just shows how you have no control, and you use force in order to gain control, WRONG as I stated before I have teenagers and everyone had and still does compliment me on how well behaved and well rounded they are. I give my-self a big pat on my back for reading all about child development and I have 2 wonderful kids. You need to tell your husband to stop hitting and let you take control :0)

Answer 7

This is not the way to treat a 22 month old child! He's already learning that the world is not a friendly place, only a place that inflicts pain.

A child who uses the word "no" to excess has already been told "no" way too many times. He needs more than "no" to learn the right things to do.

Remember...kids at this age aren't beng bad. They haven't learned that concept. What they do is the result of their exploring their world and often the world offers things that will get them into situations they cannot handle.....

Poor kid! The best way to "discipline" a toddler is to remove him from whatever he's doing that you don't want him to do. Use soft words and explain why this shouldn't be done. Then...important...give him something else to do. Kids need to be provided with things to do that are age appropriate...if they aren't they'll find things to entertain themselves and the results aren't always pleasant....as you're already learning! And PLEASE... spanking him when he says "no" is the wrong route. Reverse this...would you enjoy being spanked for saying "no"?

Answer 8

My daughter is 2 years old, she knows the word no very well just like you son. She does say no a lot to me and her dad but spanking them every time they say it isn't the way to help him, if you spank him every time he is going to think he is doing something wrong when really he isn't he is just talking. Just because he says no doesn't mean that is what he means. They say it because you say it, he is going throw the stage where he repeats everything he hears.
Now if he does listen when you are telling him no and he is doing something wrong then yeah you can do something about it. Like with my daughter she knows she isn't suppose to mess with my DVDs but sometimes she still tries and I tell her no if she does listen I get to the point I am maybe an inch away from her face and look her straight in the eyes and say now you know you aren't suppose to be getting into that, most of the time that works, but if that does work that is when I smack her hands for doing it. Then if that doesn't work I smack her butt, the smacking the butt usually always works. I hope my example works for you! Good luck!
Oh and tell your husband that smacking him on the butt every time the kid says no isn't going to help any, that will make it worse if anything, your son is to young to understand why he can't be telling you no!

Answer 9

Your son may get rid of this. But I think you can help him and help yourself by few techniques. Your husband has been using spanking as a way to make your son stop saying no, as a `negative reinforcement`, but it seems it is not working, because your son may be thinking of spanking as a way of getting some attention, which may aggravate the bad behavior. I suggest you use rewards rather than punishment. Every time your kid obeys your orders, you should reward him with praise, like `good boy` or a hug. You can also punish himm for saying no by ignoring him for some time. If he keeps on doing bad behavior in spite of that, you can use the time out method, but only for few minutes.
You can increase the time you and your husband spend with your son, he may be trying to get your attention.
I hope this can help you.

Answer 10

I think spanking a 22 month old is a little extreme. One light swat would do the trick while he's this age. That or try timeouts with a chair in the corner.

You and your spouse should try to compromise on a discipline plan. That way when he disciplines your son it won't cause fights between the two of you.