He has been home from Iraq for almost 3 years and still has no ambition to do anything. he used to be the ambitious one out of the two of us now I can hardly get him to pick up after himself. let alone pay the bills that are in his name. He won't even talk to me. and when I confront him about things he just gets angry and shuts down even more.
2007-04-18 01:36:18 · 11 answers · asked by beckyf 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He's obviously suffering from PTSD. He's not listening to you, and he needs more help than you can give him. You should talk to his doctor and tell him about your husband's symptoms. The doctor may be able to convince him to get help.
This is a time when you will have to strong and get help for him even if he doesn't like it, because right now he can't help himself. Depending on what the doctor tells you, tell your husband firmly that you still love him and want to keep your family together, and that he must accept your judgement and get help. He won't like it now, but down the road he will be glad you did.
This is really tough for both of you to go through, and you have my thoughts and prayers.
2007-04-18 01:50:22 · answer #1 · answered by Mother Amethyst 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did your husband serve in the forces? If so perhaps they may have a support group available.
The pressure on you must at times feel very overwhelming. Initially the important thing is for you to feel capable of helping your husband and have the commitment to helping him lead a normal life. Providing you do then look to rekindle memories of a happier time. Maybe have a day out to a favoured place that you both have fond memories of or if this might appear to daunting look to set a day aside at home when you can do things together that you both enjoy. Share a specially prepared meal together or watch a film. Any activity you have both enjoy doing in the past prior to these current difficulties.
You mention that you have "confronted" your husband. "Confronted" sounds like a very strong word and certainly any situation, when discussing this topic with your husband, that provokes the reaction you described needs to be avoided as much as possible. Unless we have served with the forces we can only imagine the stress that this occupation generates. I am positive that any anger your husband feels is not directed at anything you have done to help him but has is much roots deeper. Unfortunately as you are there at times when he becomes annoyed then you are the easiest target.
It is important that at times when your husband will communicate with you that you avoid references to how he use to be and your desire to see him revert to this. Generally this will only make your husband feel guilty about the way he has changed.
To encourage your husband to seek help he needs to understand that he is not the only one in this position. The support groups, family & friends all play a part in this. Understanding that he is ill but not in the traditional sense is also vital as this thought process will lead to the understanding that a cure is requried.
Hope that helps....
2007-04-18 09:04:27 · answer #2 · answered by Richard M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should probably check with the VA to see if you can get him into see a doctor. Tell him that you care, that you love him, and that you want your husband back. Go WITH him. I recently heard on NPR that the military is MUCH more interested in psychological trauma from the Iraq war now than they were even a year ago.
2007-04-18 08:40:14 · answer #3 · answered by Scotty Doesnt Know 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Encourage your husband to see a doctor. Tell him you love him and that you are concerned about his well being. We have no way of knowing what our fighting men experience in Iraq. If the war bothers us at home, how much more do these men suffer? I sincerely hope he'll get the help he needs and that you'll continue to be a strong and supportive wife. May God bless you with the courage to continue on.
2007-04-18 08:46:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Demanding that he see a shrink will probably just make it worse so I would advise against that.
Is there a person he trusted and talked to before going to Iraq? Maybe if he had some time to talk with that person he'd open up a little.
Trust me, if you nag at him it will only cause him to push away more. You could also call VA or some type of program for vets and see if they would/could provide some help for you.
2007-04-18 08:41:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen, your husbandwent tohell, literally. He has seen humanity at it's worst. He's seen things that your mind would never be able to wrap around and he's having the after effects of that trauma. He needs counseling and so do you to deal with this. He's depressed, you need to get his family, friends, whoever and have an intervention. 3 years is too long to suffer, he needs you to support him, get everyone involved.
2007-04-18 08:43:05 · answer #6 · answered by marianlaughs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it's going to be hard...but I think you should suggest to him that he sees a professional. A counselor will be more familiar with this kind of situation, and will have a lot more insight. I hope everything works out for you guys....
2007-04-18 08:39:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray for him. Pray with him. Get counseling for yourself. This may help you get some perspective and your actions may serve as an example.
2007-04-18 08:42:20 · answer #8 · answered by AnswerGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Becky you need to contact the VA and see how they can help you help him. Get his family and yours involved in this. Do it today, don't wait.
2007-04-18 08:53:38 · answer #9 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't get him to go to counseling, go yourself. A counselor can give you the tools to help him.
2007-04-18 08:39:02 · answer #10 · answered by ra63 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋