How Would You Feel If People were Judging You Because Of Your Autistic Child ?

Question

Hi..My twin son is nine and has severe autism, he also cannot speak and in nappies. when i am out with him and he is having one of his moments like screaming and throwing himself on the floor, how would you feel if people were tutting at you and telling you that he needed controling better, just want some opinions, as i have come to the conclusion that i should'nt have to explain to anyone, but if they wanted to know what was wrong instead of being so judgemental i would tell them .

Thanks for the comments so far xx
Sometimes i just get down but i do find its the older people who are very judgmental, i remember once Thomas threw himself on the floor and i said 'i will get you sweets in a while' to which this older person said 'Dunno about sweets he needs a good smack' i just looked her up and down and told her he was autistic, she looked at me and walked off

DEE G... rant away Hun, i do know what you mean its like Thomas you cannot catch Autism, he never gets invited anywhere but as long as he has his yellow pages phone book he's fine ..Hugs back to you XXX

Simon L.... your so right im so lucky with the neighbours i have, there have been a few times she had found him wondering around her house naked ! and just brought him back and told me not to worry(may i add i have a 6ft fence now thank goodness !)

rachel483335
You saying that Hun, i just got Thomas a t-shirt from the national autistic society he did wear it and people wasn't staring so much but i think if they don't like the way he is acting don't look at him !
i had this published on the website too if anyone wants to take a look !
http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=123&a=10191

srangathe5... Hun as much as i understand your son, there is no reason for me to see my GP about him he screams and throws tantruns because he cannot talk, but my heart goes out to you Hun x

Thanks All you been so fantastic, i have just sent Thomas to school clutching a page from a yellow pages phone book at least he's happy !

Answer 1

You don't have to waste a breath on these people. It to bad in our world today people dont like to see anything out of the "norm". whatever that really is. Don't worry about the narrow minds people. You have enough on your plate. My son has a learning disablity and I find most of the parents from my sons class are very rude to him. He's not invited to parties or play dates. I gave up on inviting kids over because they were never allowed. And all my son has is a processing disorder. So he has a hard time reading. thats it. But its like the parents think it would rub of on the child. I find it so heartbreaking. And next year I'm home schooling him. He's home again today with a stomach ache. Sorry you just gave me a chance to vent to. Hope you have a wonderful day.

Answer 2

I personally would feel totally gutted.

I have a colleague that has an Autistic son, he and his wife had to put up with very much the same ignorant attitude as you describe.

And then we realised that was exactly what the problem was - ignorance.

Once somebody has made the decision that you personally are at fault, talking to them just makes them embarrassed and even more defensive, or in some cases - offensive.

My colleagues wife then had an idea, and had a T shirt printed with the words ' I'm sorry - I am Autistic' on both front and back, not massive but readable at close distance.

The change in attitude towards her and her son was immediately apparent, with people actually offering to help, and were certainly more tolerant once they realised that the problem was due to a medical condition, rather than poor behaviour.

I know this is a personal thing, and this might not work for you, but I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 3

Hey its peoples ignorance. My son has adhd and i rem a few years ago when he was 4 he was climbing on top of a fridge in an electrical shop (my back was turned) when i got him down a guy walked past and said "oh someone has had too many smarties today" - thats the kind of comments and cr*p i cant stand!!! He was maybe trying to lighten the subject but i found myself to even be more embarrassed! People are so ignorant to this spectrum of 'disorders' (which i hate using that blo*ody word).
A positive note i always told myself was...to be glad that i was 'chosen' to be my childs parent- think he could have been with someone that abused him or disowned him! At least i have the patience and love to be understanding as with many other parents with a child who is 'special'.
Ps I dont know if you have heard of the Dore Programme, but at a last meeting i was at they were putting together a programme for Autism. Look them up and give them a call-my son has improved since attending this course.

Answer 4

I would ask if there was anything I could do to help. I would not expect a 'normal' 9 year old to behave that way and so I wouldn't need telling that he had one of several conditions that cause these types of behaviour! You have my admiration and respect. I'm a care-worker and I've seen and worked with children with problems, it's not something I'd like to have to do 24-7!
Unfortunately the only advise I can give is 'Ignore them' and concentrate on the one who needs you! or learn to give them the pitying look and say in the loudest voice (without actually shouting) " At last an expert on Autism, what should I do?" You will find they normally slink off looking very embarrassed!

Answer 5

It's a pretty sick world we live in isn't it. Couple of years ago now when on holiday at the caravan my wife and I were in the washouse on site. A young woman came in with a child of about five. She was a Downes syndrome child, totally uncontrollable, running about all over the place. Her Mum told her off and was obviously embarassed, I went back to the caravan brought a ball and played with her while mum did her washing. Her mum was so grateful and explained that she was on her own, husband left when baby was born and she could not go in the club at night as people got upset. We were regulars on site and so took her and the youngster in the club a couple of times that week and we got the cold shoulder treatment despite being regulars. It seems that adults can go out, get drunk and behave worse than your youngster or this child and that's OK but when it's a child with an illness nobody seems to care. All I can say is that for every idiot who has a go at you there are plenty more who do care. Ignore the idiots and remeber those who care. Love and best wishes.

Answer 6

You don't have to explain yourself! Hold your head high and ignore them! I remember my son having a tantrum at the age of four in the post office and I had my 3 month old with me, an elderly couple in there gave me a right marking down and I cried for hours! The main reason I was upset though was that I was thinking about all these things I could of said and didn't, so just say what comes into your head! I feel people are sticking their noses in where it is not wanted, tell them to get an interesting life of their own and stop looking into yours! Take Care and Best Wishes x

Answer 7

I think that your son is very lucky to have you as a mother. You are right, you shouldn't have to explain anything to anyone. You just keep doing what you're doing and your boy will be fine. It takes a person with a good heart and patience to take care of an autistic child. My best friends son is also severly autistic and I just love him to death. Sometimes its as if he is the best person in the world! Other times, as you probably know, he gives me a run for my money.

One day I was in a store with my husband and we seen a mother and child walking in. I looked at the child (who was a boy, around 13 or so). THe boy looked as if he did not have a friend in the world and just stared at the floor as he walked. I felt bad for him, especially when I saw what he was wearing....he was wearing girls' pants with the words "baby girl" across the butt. I thought to myself "with all the problems that poor kid has, why would his mother let him wear girly pants and give other kids something else to laugh about?" As I was thinking this, I was looking at the boy. The mother then came up to me and simply said "he's autistic."

I'll tell you, I have never felt so bad in my life. Here she thought I was gawking at her son because he was autistic. That obviously was not the case, but I couldn't shake the awful feeling I had. I was kind of in shock as she and her son walked away into the store. I never got a chance to explain. The point I'm trying to make is I can only imagine how you feel. I felt horrible just for kind of being accused of gawking at someone because of a disability. I couldn't imagine feeling the way you do. Just keep being a good mom and don't pay attention to those gawkers out there, even if they are just looking at your sons pants. God bless.

Answer 8

The best thing to do is ignore them, my son has Apergers and because he can have a conversation with you they don't realise anything is wrong. If i had a penny for every time someone told me he just needed a good smack I'd be a very rich woman. In my experience the older generation are usually the worst, uttering totally rude comments and staring and when you've got a child who is hysterical and paranoid the last thing you need are people standing there passing judgement. The way I deal with it now is to block out all the other people there and focus on my son, who is the most important person to me. My son is aware he has Aspergers and is not ashamed or afraid to tell people he has it, in fact he is quite proud! If he is comfortable with it then together we can face the ignorant people in the world.

Answer 9

I know it is easy to say but just ignore it.

You know why your son does the things he does and you love him, It really doesn't matter what other people say to you, You know you are a good Mum and that is what counts.

If you do feel that you need to say something just say " My son has autism" and leave it at that.

People can be nasty when they don't understand something, Human beings are shallow but you really don't need to justify yourself or your son to anybody, if they are would rather stare and tut at you than ask you why he is acting that way then why should you justify them with an answer?

I get shouted at in the street for being a bigger girl (I am a size 20) so I do know that you are hurting but it is the people who have a problem with things that aren'2 "Normal" and feel the need to shout and tut and pretend that they are perfect who are actually the ones who should be asjamed not you and your son.

I hope you are okay, please don't let things get you down

Answer 10

It is hard for a Mom with an autistic Child to care for him. People who are ignorant of Autism or Autistic behaviour ,can be a further source of distress, to Mom or the Guardian of the child.I do not think you could educate someones ignorance in the brief moments that you are in each others presence .You can only do your best and try even if most of the time it is useless- to educate people with the suffering Autistic \Child,
He might yet prove to be like a young man I knew who is now a Computer Consultant fo the Civil Service. I know that in his worst days of Lonliness he would Scream,shout and lay down in the middle of a Busy Cross Road.The lad was also inflicted with a deformity of The Ankle,