My bestfriends wedding was supposed to be in less than two weeks. However after multiple attempts, they've decided to call it quits. I was asked to help her make the dreaded phone calls. Any ideas on what to say, she's really upset, and is not looking forward to having to call her and his familys!
2007-04-18 00:28:18 · 6 answers · asked by blueroom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Do it by mail. It will avoid the gossip aspect of the situation. Go today .Have notes prints at kinko's that say "We regret in inform you that the wedding of ---&--- will not occur on (date) Please know all is well and no hard feeling are involved. Your gift will be returned. Thank you for your love and support"
2007-04-18 00:34:17 · answer #1 · answered by thirsty mind 6 · 2⤊ 6⤋
Everyone is going to ask why. She really needs to decide how much she wants to tell everyone. Is it completely called off or postponed?
I attempted to look up some words of wisdom from Emily Post or Miss Manners online with no luck. So IMHO, this is what I suggest:
Call everyone and inform them that the wedding of Jack and Diane has been called off. You are very grateful for their support in these stressful times and am very sorry you will not be seeing them on Saturday May 5.
Chances are that will not be able to end the conversation as everyone will want to know so much more details. However, feel comfortable saying, "I understand this seems inconceivable to you and it came as quite a shock to many of us; however I simply must call all the guests today. It would be quite rude to wait any longer."
Then you are able to hang up before the conversation gets into any awkward calls. However I do hope she is making the calls as well--you should not call any close family like grandmothers.
Also, hopefully the bride will be calling all the vendors. Try not to forget anyone--it would be horrible to forget the classical violinist or the limo and have them show up anyway. It is very expensive and most deposits will be non-refundable. Just remind her that as unpleasant as it might be--she needs to return all the gifts to sender. I hope the groom is doing his share of calling too--while she might be willing to call most of the list--his responsibilities at least include his immediate family, his groomsmen, and cancelling the honeymoon deposit as it's probably in his name.
Just make sure to keep it brief and make sure you clearly get from the bride how much she wishes to make known ahead of time. Also, I would tell people live. As much as it seems easier, I would not leave a msg like that on voicemail. You never know if they received the msg, understood what it meant, or if the 10 yo in the house listened to it and skipped it in order to see if their friends called. If you don't reach an actual person, continue down the list and call them back later on or the next day. You are a very dear friend to be helping her like this. Most friends would not, as it leads to many awkward conversations.
2007-04-18 00:53:17 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
She is NOT calling his family & friends, HE IS!
As for her family, best that she tell them in person, face to face if possible. No emails, no preprinted notes. The bride either visits them or calls them immediately.
The rest of her guests should be told ASAP by phone. Keep it simple, no lengthy explanation or reasons -- "John & Mary have decided to call off their wedding. We hope that you will keep Mary in your thoughts & prayers."
Any wedding gifts must be promptly returned, in person if possible, otherwise include a BRIEF note.
If any guests had hotel or plane reservations that they will lose money on, the bride should plan to reimburse them (her family & friends only).
The bride's engagement ring is hers to keep (if she wants) since they both decided to call off the wedding, UNLESS it was a family heirloom from his side of the family, in which case it should be returned promptly.
The florist, church, and reception hall should be called immediately. Any downpayments will be lost. She will also want to cancel the reservations for the honeymoon -- again, the deposit will most likely be lost. Plane tickets may be able to be used at a later date -- check with the airlines.
2007-04-18 00:32:41 · answer #3 · answered by kja63 7 · 11⤊ 0⤋
Hello, ( insert guests name ), my name is __________ and I am calling on behalf of ( Insert brides name) whom has asked for assistance in notifying guests and family of the decision made to call off the wedding.
Both she and ( insert grooms name ) have mutually made this decision and ask for your understanding during this, obviously difficult time.
Any Wedding and/or bridal shower gifts previously given to the couple will be returned within the upcoming weeks with a personal note from the bride herself.
--- ok that is the end of the notification, now for what else needs to be done. ----
If an ad was placed in the paper to run after the wedding saying so and so was married this weekend, etc. Well that needs to be cancelled to prevent its running.
Notify vendors and or caterers as well as any places that were reserved for the wedding and or reception, which is to include limo services, etc.
Lastly for those who may not get the message in time it is proper etiquette to ask the minister, priest, etc to leave a note on the church door on the day of the wedding, with wording such as ...
___________ & ___________ wish to extend their deepest apologies in notifying you that their wedding will not be taking place. All possible efforts were made to contact family and guest ahead of time and we are sorry for any inconvenience this may of caused you.
------- ok now that is the end of that part of my reply, lol. ------
lastly check out this site, to help the bride understand what lies ahead, in the upcoming weeks, for her.
http://www.emotionallyengaged.com/calling_off_wedding.htm
Good luck and remind her that she needs to make sure this is done asap as some guests may have hotels reserved or made arrangements for vehicle use etc that they need to cancel as soon as possible to avoid any fees associated with too late of a cancellation. The longer she waits the more they are out of pocket.
P.S. It is proper etiquette to return all the gifts the couple has received either independently or as a joint couple. Also due to the wedding being called off mutually it is proper etiquette for the bride to return the engagement ring. The wedding bands themselves should be returned by the one whom purchased them.
Hope this helps
2007-04-18 01:43:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anna M 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Let her call and tell her family's
2007-04-18 00:32:20 · answer #5 · answered by EVA J 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to deal with this herself. It's her problem.
2007-04-18 00:33:51 · answer #6 · answered by jacquie 6 · 0⤊ 6⤋