my fiance initially was very romantic about giving me a ring.he wanted me to choose etc after which i felt bad and told him he should.all of a sudden now that his family knows about us hes announced that his baby sister would help him in choosing the ring.i have nothing against her and we just got done with a silly argument about his parents.i dont want to say "why do u need her ".i am secretly scared she will prevent him from going "over the top" even if he wants to-and i know he does.i dont know what to say cos there doesnt seem to be a nice way to say it.by the way the reason hes told me about gettin me a ring already is cos we are doing this long distance and he wanted everyone to be prepared.
2007-04-12 23:18:32 · 10 answers · asked by gemini81 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This brings back memories of my ring-shopping day...
I ended up looking for my ring with my fiance and his mother, not what I wanted and caused a bit of friction on the day as I felt the mother-in-law was making all the decisions. At the time it was a really big deal but now I just laugh and feel a bit stupid for getting so stressed that day :) It just a ring at the end of the day.
When we finally got home that night my fiance made a really good point... If he had planned our engagement in advance then he would have already bought a ring without me having a choice. So think about it like a surprise- if you weren't expecting it you wouldn't get to choose it.
If it bothers you I agree email pictures of styles of rings you like. It will be on your finger forever after all...
2007-04-13 06:20:10 · answer #1 · answered by lerato 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could be good OR bad.
Bad: He cannot make decisions on his own, doesn't know what you like, or is secretly hoping his sis will help keep the cost down (and he can blame her if you don't like the ring!).
Good: Like many men, he has no idea what to get, or how to shop for it. Although some soon-to-be proposing men self-educate until they become practically diamond experts, many do not. Perhaps he wants to get a "big deal" ring to impress both families, to prove that he is serious about marrying you. Maybe his family does not see "long distance" as serious.
Also, some men are much closer to their parents and family than others and ask for their opinion. It is up to you if that is a good thing or a turn-off. It's one thing to call up Mums and ask her what kind of toilet paper to buy, but asking for advice for big ticket items makes sense if someone is close with their family.
Either way, all you can do is voice your opinion, which you have done, and leave it at that. You really can't expect to have too much say now in regards to your ring unless he asks you again, since if *is* his gift to you. I do think that when you suggested HE pick it out, he panicked a bit.
It sounds like perhaps he is very close to his family, and perhaps you are not. Realize that this will be the family you will be marrying into. Will this work for you?
Good luck!
2007-04-12 23:50:33 · answer #2 · answered by reginachick22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not get overworked about this. when it comes to picking out rings need a little help, or feel uneasy, and tons of pressure about picking the perfect ring. His little sister might have really good taste, she can also be an Allie! Especially if he's close to her. Don't get off to a bad start with his whole family, and picking your battles is a wise thing to do. Trust in him, and how well he knows you. He knows your likes and dislikes besides you can always give subtle hints! e-mailing him pictures of rings you like, so they will have some kind of idea what style you'd be into.
I hope this helps! Good luck and don't get to stressed about it!
2007-04-12 23:33:44 · answer #3 · answered by mynameismebutidontknowdidit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him some pictures of the style of ring you like. This is difficult for men. What I think is really super my wife often thinks is not. If I were him, I would appreciate knowing what your taste is since I am spending a lot of money anyway, it should be something you really love.
Women where I work were discussing what the perfect engagement ring would be and they went on and on. No two women like the same thing. I have never heard such expertise about clarity, color, caret weight, shape, metallurgy, light refraction etc.
What one woman thought was perfect another found too plain. What another found beautiful another found gaudy. But then, redemption. One older single gal said she wouldn't care if it was a cigar band she justs wants to get married.
Makes you wonder where your priorities should be.
.
2007-04-13 00:27:42 · answer #4 · answered by Jacob W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"i am secretly scared she will prevent him from going "over the top" even if he wants to-and i know he does"
hmmm... i understand it's your wedding and everything but this smacks of greed... Is the ring truly the most important thing here?
Now, also he might be having trouble identifying what to get you and need help. If I were you I would call her and tell her you know he asked her to help and you just wanted to help her understand what you wanted. She IS a girl after all I think she'll understand.
Bottom line, trust me this is not worth getting into a fight over. And worst case scenario is that you can always extract "over the top" on a jewelry gift later if you're wanting something to look at that doesn't have to be a wedding ring.
2007-04-13 01:25:27 · answer #5 · answered by Chester M 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yea so I have not have been given any theory why your puzzled approximately what she is doing/has executed. She is jelaous of your ring and consequently felt that by getting the comparable ring with a bigger stone in the middle she would be waiting to make you sense inferior it rather is insane. first of all its a rattling engagement ring ... who cares how massive it truly is or if it costs $2500 or $12000. does the undeniable fact that hers forged 4 cases what yours did recommend that she loves her bf 4 cases as lots. think ofyou've have been given to take the intense street in this one. you have no longer have been given any techniques yet to purely grin and submit to it. in simple terms smile and tell her how eye-catching her ring is. And in case you rather wanna get under her epidermis then tell her how ecstatic it truly is which you 2 are the two engaged and initiate up doing wedding ceremony making plans mutually by fact which you will circulate low on cost and he or she would be waiting to sense the ought to circulate bigger just to make you sense undesirable and could consequently spend 4 cases as much as you and could on no account have the means to arise with the money for the marriage.
2016-12-29 06:50:37 · answer #6 · answered by raczak 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you marry the FAMILY also. So this is a taste of the future for you. She probably WILL keep him from going over the top ( which to me is sensible) but it sounds like it bothers you, so you might want to reconsider this marriage? ( also because of the argument about his parents- usually that happens after marriage so not sure you are on safe track)
2007-04-13 02:59:39 · answer #7 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...you should have said you'd choose, honestly. You could always say to him that you've changed your mind, that you would like to choose, and then you won't have to worry about what his sister picks out. You aren't going to get him to pick out a ring by himself, so don't bother trying. It's either you or her.
2007-04-13 02:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm..a family dilemma that you dont want to spoil the existing good relationship. The decision is in his hand and only him could handle the situation rightly...or course it is your job to convinve him. Good luck!
2007-04-12 23:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Mimi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just explain to him that you would like HIM to pick the ring out. that is would mean so much more if he was the one that spent the day going store to store. that even though you love his sister, she doesnt know you like he does.
2007-04-12 23:25:05 · answer #10 · answered by brittany d 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋