My boyfrined has just finished with me....i'm SO upset.?

Question

He has just finished with me and i have to leave his mums house, i am absolutely gutted, it actually feels like my heart is breaking. What do i do now? i only have a few friends and i'm not that close with my family, i'm in pieces. HELP ME

Please see below previous question

How do i bring back the fun and stop putting pressure on my relationship?I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 18mths. he is 22. We are living at his mum's to try and save money for a mortgage i thought we both wanted. He has now turned around saying he doesn't want a mortgage right now and he wants to go back to having fun and not to argue or discuss the future anymore. He is happy with living for evryday and whatever happens...happens. I just like to know we are both eventually heading in the right direction. He has told me he loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't know what to do anymore.What should i do, how can i let him know that i can relax, be fun and not talk about a mortgage any more?

Thanks for the advice... but how do i stop thinking about him and how we were together when we were so happy, waking up with him and snuggling up... its driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

You need to get out of the house and give him some space. If he doesn't want you there hten the worst thing you can do is to hang around it will only make him worse. Try going to a friends house if you can, but just give him space for a while. He'll soon see that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and he'll want you back. Men sometimes get freaked out when things get a bit serious and unfamiliar to them. My bloke did it and we got back together and now things are better then ever. Once he's cooled down try dating again, go to the cinema or out for a drink. Talk about anything but the mortgage or your relationship. MAke him see that you can be fun and remind him of why he fell for you in the first place. TAke it slowly else yu'll scare him off again. It will take time, so you will need to be patient, becasue at first he will love being single agai and will see his firends alot so you need to do the same. Absence make the heart grow fonder. Good luck hun, and have fun x

Answer 2

It doesn't seem like he has anything against you, like many people he's scared of all the responsibility there is in getting a house etc. Everyone likes being carefree, and those first steps can be really scary. If he loves you, it would have been best if he talked to you about this. Perhaps you could have delayed things a little more? Him being wiling to break up with you for his own path may seem very selfish, but it can be scary, and those feelings can often override even feelings of love.

I'd suggest talking to him, see where you are going, whether you both really want to be together. In the end you'll have to get a house etc so it's not like you'll be stuck partying forever, that just generally stops naturally unless you're a rare case of those 50 year olds that try to act 17.

Talking can sort through everything, people on the internet can't solve this for you, you can.

Answer 3

I am sure that his parents would like for the two of you to move also. He is just not mature enough to start planning for a future; or he is wanting to get out of the relationship and using the mortgage as an excuse.

Either way, you don't have to feel guilty about trying to plan for the future. Go ahead with your own plans. You are a smart resourceful girl. I am sure that you will figure out what to do, once you head is clear. You are just in shock right now!

Don't let him hold you back. Guys like that will keep putting everything off. You will be 30 before he decides he wants to plan a future.

If I were you, I would take the hint. You need a much more mature man in your life. He is still playing kiddie games.

Answer 4

Im sorry to hear that. Some men get scared when it comes to commitment and will freak out. My friends broke up for a few days a month ago because the guy was scared of commitment after a good talk the girl backed off a bit and they are still happy. Me and my fiance argued allot more when we were saving for our mortgage as he wanted to go out and I wanted to have cheaper fun. We learned to compramise one month we would go out the next we would stay in.Money is usually a big problem in allot of relationships.
I think you need to talk to him and find out his reasons for breaking up with you. If its because he wants more fun then it can be sorted. If its for other reasons I hope its something you can sort out together.
If you dont think its something you can sort out im very sorry as I know how horrible it can feel when a relationship ends. This could be a great start to a new life though. You can go out and find new friends as for your family im sure they will support you as family are for life no matter what problems you have.Good Luck

Answer 5

Im sorry to say but I think the signs he wanted out were in your previous question hun. I think he was using the mortgage thing as an excuse.
you're both young and maybe he has just decided that he doesnt want to be tied down at that age.
With regards your friends and family - I think you had an emotional reliance on your boyfriend - he was probably everythingyou needed rolled into one. However if he has ended things and wants you out - you're going to have to do this. Surely you have someone you can stay with until you sort yourself out?
Of course you're going to be upset - you've lost the man you thought you were going to be with forever. It will take time for you to get back on top of things and start to feel better about yourself.
my advice to you is to pack up your things and leave asap as the longer you stay there, the worse it will be for you.
You need to be as strong as you can hun - and things will get better for you in no time. good luck .xx

Answer 6

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Answer 7

you are looking at a future and trying to make a place to start a family, "Nesting" is the term. could you be pushing a bit, possibly.. I don't know your income level etc.. you may be pushing a bit hard but that is probably a trait found in the woman while men rather kick back and not think about anything but beer and ... well... you know.

so possibly your bf isn't ready or he needs a good push to grow up... you can't move a stick in the mud but you can lure it out with home cooking and a warm bed...

possibly all he may want to do is play games, lead you on.. you have to decide if he is doing that... or possibly you are pushing too hard but at 24, your ready to committ and make a stand, so your probably right on most this.. he is just in denial that his life is about too change and it takes a women too make that happen...

Answer 8

laura, you seem to be farther along the maturity line than your boyfriend. most girls do mature emotionally faster than most guys and your bf is younger than you. you need to find someone that is on the same page as you, with similar goals. you are looking long term and he was not with that. you aren't going to change that so you need to move on.

you will find others that are more compatible with you. i know that it doesn't feel like that right now, but time does heal the broken heart. make sure you go out with your other friends and don't stay home moping about your ex. this relationship had to end so that you can move on and maybe find your soul mate. keep your chin up it does get better. don't dwell on the negatives, focus on the positives.

Answer 9

Well you both had a dream and you finally woke up--at your age the chances of a successful union were bad or horrible at best. The world is waiting to be discovered--sounds like he found out that marriage will be the big ball and chain---mortgage and food and bills and kids and a car and insurance and on and on and on---when will you two have time for fun??? NEVER--so be thankful for the chance to see the world and have fun----now shut up about it already--the drama is too deep----the future is evident--tell him you agree and go get a life of your own---heartbreak??--get over it. Millions of miserable people wish they never married---you are the luckiest girl in the world.---he did you a favor.

Answer 10

It will be ok. I'm sorry that you feel so alone. From what you said in your previous question it looks like you kinda knew where the relationship was going. You can't force him into somthing he is not ready for. You need to try and be strong. It is not the end of the world. You need to focus on what you want to do with your life and what will make you happy. Chin up chuck! x