Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local Golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing, enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.
Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in th
2007-04-12 23:01:17 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
e bedroom.
Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her...... He's naked, too!!! The *****!"
He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife; she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.
Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the golfer impatiently.
"Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."
2007-04-12 23:02:18 · update #1
nice one girl i better leave my neighbours house quickly lol 9/10
2007-04-13 03:10:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A gourmand walks right into a bar and asks for a 40-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch. The bartender, no longer desirous to offer up the solid liquor, pours a shot of ten-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch and figures that the guy won't have the means to tell the adaptation. the guy downs the scotch and says: "This Scotch is barely ten years previous! I specifically asked for 40-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch." surprised, the bartender reaches right into a locked cupboard below the bar and pulls out a bottle of twenty-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch and pours the guy a shot. the guy liquids it down and says: "That develop into twenty-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch I asked for 40-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch." So the bartender is going into the returned room and brings out a bottle of thirty-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch and pours the guy a drink. by now a small crowd has accumulated around the guy and is gazing anxiously as he downs the maximum up-to-date drink. as quickly as returned the guy states te authentic age of the Scotch and repeats the unique request for the 40-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch. The bartender can carry off now no longer and disappears into the cellar to get a bottle of top 40-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch. quickly he returns wth the bottle and pours a shot. the guy downs the Scotch and says: "Now that's 40-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous Scotch!" the group applauds his comprehend-how and his discriminating palate. A inebriated who has been gazing the court situations will develop an entire shot glass of his very own and says: "here, take a swig of this." The gourmand takes the glass and downs the drink in one swallow. on the instant he chokes and spits it out on the bar room floor. "My God! That tastes like pee," he coughs out. "particular," says the inebriated. "yet how previous am I?" lmao :)
2016-12-29 06:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very funny 9/10
2007-04-12 23:56:39 · answer #3 · answered by curlyloxx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reminds of the line from "The world according to Garp"...
"At least I had mine surgically removed... but to have it bitten off like that!"
2007-04-12 23:27:12 · answer #4 · answered by rdrnnr1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL very good 10/10 & a star
2007-04-12 23:23:38 · answer #5 · answered by anna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good 10/10
2007-04-12 23:19:15 · answer #6 · answered by Mark J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha!Yes, funny!
2007-04-12 23:28:12 · answer #7 · answered by - Playground Hero - 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very, very funny, not heard that before, im gonna nick that and send it to my mum.
star for you.
xx
2007-04-13 00:23:03 · answer #8 · answered by vixen xx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
reminds me of that youtube vid
I dont think we should see each other anymore.
2007-04-13 00:28:32 · answer #9 · answered by Ron K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very funny
2007-04-12 23:11:36 · answer #10 · answered by booge 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋