Is it rude to bring a guest?

Question

I recieved the invitation for my firend's wedding today. It was just addressed to me on the envelope but the RSVP card has a space to put how many people will be attending. Is it rude to just assume I can bring a guest? I feel weird asking her if she wasn't planning on it, but at the same time, I wouldn't really know anyone else there and would feel very out of place if I went alone. All of her other friends have serious boyfriends, so I'm sure they'll be attending, should a single gal be expected to sit awkwardly alone at an event or is it assumed I would bring a guest?

"Spunky"- I said HER friends are all in relationships. They're not my friends.

And to people who think it's rude for a single person to bring a guest...maybe you've never been to a wedding, or have never been single. I would have to sit and eat alone and certainly wouldn't have anyone to dance with and it's not like the bride will have much time to talk to me. Doesn't sound like much fun.

Also I should mention, there was no inside envelope addressed to me or me plus one, just the envelope it was mailed in. So that's why I'm not totally sure. Would she have addressed it to me plus one on the outside envelope?

Regina- I can see what you mean about not paying for random people to come to your wedding, but I think single people should be allowed to bring a date just like non single people. I can understand not wanting people to bring their kids, but everyone should be allowed to have a date, just like any other event.

Well I can definitely see now that I should not bring a guest to the wedding. Obviously I didn't want to be inconsiderate or I wouldn't have bothered asking this question. I get it that weddings are expensive, but I still firmly believe it's unfair for a single person to be expected to go alone to a wedding. It's uncomfortable and I can't think of any other social event where a person is expected to enjoy dinner and dancing ALONE. And I also understand not wanting to pay for a stranger's meal, like i mentioned before, but when a person is allowed to bring their bf/gf that doesn't necessarily mean the bride and groom are friends with that person, but it's still rude to not invite them. I would want all of my guests to be comfortable and have a good time at my wedding, so I personally wouldn't expect people who aren't in serious relationships to attend solo if they didn't know any of my other guests.

Answer 1

Traditionally, if it says only YOUR name on the invite, only YOU are invited.

Unless she or the wedding party have told you otherwise despite how the invite was addressed, you should NOT bring a guest.

Many people go to weddings on their own. I have in the past. Have you not heard of "singles tables" where you get to meet other singles at the wedding?

You will be focusing on your friend and her big day, not how awkward you feel because you have to sit next to a guy you don't know for 3 hours. Big deal.

I do have to say that I am allowing my guests to bring dates, but I am having a formal wedding and have budgeted for that. Not everyone can afford that, nor should you expect them to. No one should be forced to pay for a guest's random friend they don't even know. Yes, you may be able to "get away" with it, but that doesn't justify the cost for her.

Go have a good time solo, and celebrate with your friend. If you absolutely cannot stand to go to a social event by yourself for a few hours, then fine, ask her if you can bring a date. If you and her are close, she might agree and not mind. Perhaps she simply assumed you had no one to bring (i.e. You ARE single). Perhaps she put you at the singles table so you can meet her "hot" single cousin. Perhaps she thinks you two have mutual friends that will also be there for you to hang out with. I would bring this up with HER, but don't just bring a "surprise" guest.

P.S. I'm not saying I disagree with you, just that you need to ask HER for permission, since it's HER wedding. Most people, myself included, have realized people in your situation and have allowed ALL guests to bring a date. However, there is probably a REASON why she has decided against this, most likely that she can't afford it. You really should ask her directly. It's only right.

Avis did make a very good point that it might make her feel awkward if you ask. That is true, which is why I said only ask her if you are *close* friends. You could say something like:

"Do you have a set number of seats already mapped out? The RSVP card doesn't indicate if it's OK for me to bring a guest or not, so I just thought I'd ask". If she doesn't want extra people, she can nicely say that "her seating plan is full". Give her an out. If you were planning on bringing a guest anyway no matter what, asking this isn't any worse in my opinion, but each case is individual.

Answer 2

First, if that envelope did not say "and guest," then a guest was not invited for you. The reply cards are not created individually...it has a blank space so that families can write down how many family members will be coming.

Second, it is prefectly acceptible for the couple to not include dates for their single guests. Why should they have to dish out all the money for an extra person who doesn't know them, will probably never see them again, and couldn't care less about the fact that they're getting married?

Third, I have been single and have attended weddings alone. It's no big deal! If you feel awkward, it's only because of your own insecurity about being single, otherwise being around couples wouldn't bother you. And you should not let that insecurity prevent you from celebrating your friend's marriage. Also, You will not be the only single person there.

Any adult should have the basic, necessary social skills to make it through one dinner conversation with strangers. You will be fine!

Answer 3

What a predicament!

Technically, the invitation should have had an inner envelope. That would have cleared up all of your confusion!

Traditional etiquette states if there's no mention of "and guest" or "plus one" no, a date/guest for you was not factored into the guest list, and to RSVP for two would be considered rude.

Hear me out --

Honestly? I understand where you're coming from. I would feel the same way if I wanted to go share in my friend's day and wouldn't really know anyone, and a lot of people are in relationships - so the old "singles meeting" argument is a crock.

Ask her. Explain to her that you DON'T want to put her between a rock and a hard place, NOR do you want to strain her guest list beyond what she can afford, but you are uncertain as to what to do as far as a guest goes. I wouldn't tell her that you'll be uncomfortable if you have to come alone (so you're not guilting her into one more at the wedding). Just ask her, and respect what answer she gives you!

She may not have stuffed all the envelopes alone, and whoever was helping her may have forgotten the inner envelope, and she may not even know it! Wedding invites are a tremendous pain to assemble - outer envelope, inner envelople, tissue paper, response card, response envelope, etc. When you're doing a bunch of them, mistakes can happen.

I hope that helps.

Answer 4

Being that I'm getting married in 2 weeks and have had to address this very same problem, I would say that only you were invited. I wouldn't bring a guest.
Weddings are expensive, but every single person I invited, I added "and guest" to their envelope. They should be able to bring a guest. Now, if your friend can only afford to have you attend the wedding, it's for a reason... limited space, money, whatever. Please don't assume to bring someone if they are not properly invited. After all it is HER day and you don't want to make her feel uncomfortable when you RSVP for 2. If you feel this strongly about being alone at the wedding, you can always decline.

Answer 5

You have to ask your friend if you can bring someone I'm sure they would say it's ok. When I invited my guests and if they were single I put "and guest" next to their name on the inner envelope of the invitation. I just got married and I got a little irritated when I got the response cards back and people added 1 or 2 guests that I didn't invite. Head count is a big thing when planning a wedding because each person costs a certain amount of money, food, drink, etc. If your friend is a good friend they will allow you to bring a guest if you ask.

Answer 6

I went through this myself while sending out invitations. We are on a very tight budget and have limited space, so if you didn't not have a steady girl/boyfriend, I did not include "guest" on the invitation.

If you really feel that you should be allowed to bring a guest, PLEASE call the bride/groom and speak to them about it first. If they say that they're sorry and can't accomodate more guests, then do not get upsets. It's very hard to juggle planning a wedding and guests who can't simply understand.

For instance we had a situation with a great aunt on my fiance's side. She called CRYING and very upset, because I did not include the name of her son and his girlfriend on the invitation. It was an honest mistake. I'm not very familiar with that side of the family, and I went by the list that my future mother in law made. I told her it was no problem at all. They could come. We'd just squeeze them in somehow. That's 2 more people I didn't expect to pay for, but what the hell. The next day I got her RSVP back in the mail, and she invited all of them anyway. I still don't understand why she called crying when she RSVP'd whoever she wanted anyway.

We also had another situation with a friend. He doesn't have a significant other, so only his name was on the envelope. We received his RSVP back with 4 names on it, and it was not in his handwriting. I guess his mother opened it up and invited her and her husband along with their daughter. It's nice that other people open up your mail.

But there's 5 people we didn't expect to pay for that just invited themselves, and we've had a few other situations.

I've tried to make everyone happy and just go along with the flow, but the money adds up quickly, and you have to put a stop to it somewhere.

I hope you understand.

Answer 7

The rule of thumb is that whomever the outside envelope was addressed to (in this case, just you).. that is who is invited. So unless it said YOUR NAME AND GUEST, I would assume that only you are invited.

The RSVP probably only said "Number of Guests Attending" because everyone invited to the wedding gets the same RSVP card and some people do have guests being invited (such as husbands, children, etc.)

If I were you, I would simply CALL the Bride or Groom and ask them. "Is this an invite for just me or do I bring a guest?" I certainly would not just show up with a guest. That is extremely rude and will cause all kinds of problems if the Bride and Groom are not prepared for it (not enough seats, no food for your guest, etc.)

Play it safe and just ask! Have fun!

Answer 8

Yes. Your invitation was meant only for you, or it would have had "and guest" on the envelope. Of course the rsvp card has a place for the number of people - because that number varies with families, etc. It is not assumed you will bring a guest if it was not specifically stated. Oh, go ahead to the wedding alone and just have fun - weddings are a great place to meet new people.

Answer 9

Well, you said the envelope was just addressed to you, right? What about the inner envelope? For proper ettiquite, the outer envelope should be addressed to Ms. Your Name. Then the envelope would say You and Guest, or if no guest is invited, it would just say your name.

It is completley in bad taste to bring a guest if it dosn't clearley invite you to do so. If there was no inner envelope, there is definitly no harm in calling the bride to ask her for clarification. But, you've gotta think about her end.

I think she SHOULD have let you bring a guest, but if she isnt, she definitly has a reason for it. Maybe she is getting to high of a guest list for her venue? And they would probably have to be paying per person. For each person attending my wedding, I had to pay $30 for their dinner, $8 for a peice of cake, $4 for a chair cover, additional ceremony programs, and not to mention one more person enjoying that OPEN BAR!

When in doubt, just ask the bride. If she is inviting you solo, she may be hoping you hit it off with the guy friend she is inviting alone?

Answer 10

Usually, the invite would read "So and So and guest" if she wanted you to bring a guest. You can ask her, but she might not have let you bring a guest because she wanted to save money (and that's rude of her) or she thinks you can't get a date (and that's rude of her too). It's proper for her to invite a guest when inviting you. You should not be expected as a single person to just sit alone at her wedding especially if you don't know a lot of people there. If she's sort of a ditz, she probably wasn't thinking and didn't put 'and guest' on any of the invites. Anyway, I'd ask her.