Teenage daughter problems?

Question

I have a 14 year old daughter. She is generally a good girl. And she seems to get a guilty complex if she does something wrong. I am very aware and probably a little protective of her then alot of other parents with their teenage daughters. The problem is my daughter is hanging around a girl who's Mum is on drugs and doesnt care much what her own daughter is doing. Since my daughter has been hanging around her she is skipping school, shoplifting, lying , drinking and who knows what else. My daughter thinks I am mean and says she wont listen if I tell her not to hang around her. I would like to change her schools. But as you know this is very difficult to do with a teenage girl. Could any body offer me some advise? I have a 17 year old son and havent had a single problem.

Answer 1

A toughie. Most importantly, you need to be sure you leave the lines of communication open while getting a reasonable amount of respect from your daughter. If she is generally a good girl, the best thing for you to do is to gently lead her in the right direction. I had this problem with my daughter. I made sure I was friends with the friend, and they wanted to spend the majority of time at OUR home. I would rather be a good example on her friend than have my daughter exposed to the bad example at her friends home. Be kind, encouraging and supportive of them. If the friend is going in a direction that is not good, your daughter will make the right decision if she has the open door at home (swinging in only). You still need to tell her your expectations of what is right and wrong, which she already knows. Be sure she knows you love her no matter what - she needs to feel like she can come to you. Because sooner or later, she will figure out that you are the best! My daughter finally (after three years) found better friends, but I loved her friend all the way. Make sure she has things she likes to be involved in - sports, art, academics - anything to keep her busy and out of trouble. And find something you can do with her that is just for the two of you. Go out to dinner every other week - girls night out. Or something more exciting - my daughter and I go kayaking (talk about getting away from it all).
You will do fine. Just keep you head on straight and don't alienate anyone.

Answer 2

The number one important thing you can do is keep an open and honest line of communication with her, show her love and support, get her talking and thinking, ask her why she thinks it's ok for her to do such things, and how she'd feel if she had a mum who did drugs and didn't really care about her. Explain the consequences of her actions and ask her if that's what she really wants, let her know that the path she chooses is ultimately her decision and that you can only guide her in the right direction. Also try offering some love and support to the girl with the bad mum, she obviously is missing something in her life and she's reacting the only way a teenager knows how. There's alot more to it, you can try talking to a professional and try reading some parenting guides, I'm sure there are some online.

Answer 3

All children are different. Your son and daughter are two different people. To compare them will harm your relationship with your daughter. Try to befriend the girl that your daughter is hanging around with. Encourage them to stay at home with you. If the mother of the other girl is neglecting this girl and the girl confides in you, you may gain her trust and help her to help herself. If the mother is unfit you can report her to social services. Lastly your daughter needs to be disciplined when she skips school etc. I have raised four kids, a boy 20, a boy 19, a girl 18 and a girl 15. They are all doing great but I must admit there were bumps in the road. Including all the things you mention above. You have to be diligent, enforce the rules and be aware of what's going on. I had to report a mom to social services when her 8 year old daughter showed up at my daycare with a lump on her head. Mom said the child had bumped her head on the sink, the child said mom hit her with the hair brush. They got counseling and the mom got anger management. It was best for everyone involved.

Answer 4

I can't really help you but I can sympathise. My daughter is 14 too, and it is a worrying time. And yes, her friends also shoplift, have sex, get drunk etc. So far, she's been good. Thank God.
I have found that by giving my daughter something to do (she does horse riding) it keeps her off the streets. She has to take responsibility for her pony too. Perhaps you can steer your daughter into another direction by playing on her interests - does she like music, for example?
Oh, and I am very generous at Christmas times and birthdays. Her presents are rewards for her good behaviour. When her friends went shoplifting, for example, I was so pleased that she refused to get involved that we bought her the watch of her dreams. It took a lot of guts to stand up to them. I was very proud of her.

Answer 5

Well......14 was the worst age for me too. I am 25 now and regret everyday what I put my parents through at age 14. I thought that I knew everything and my parents knew nothing. I lied and called my parents so many names and hurt them sooo much. At that time my mother used a different approch where she started to talk to me like a was an adult and let me make my own decisions with her guidance. Once I realized that I was the one who made my own choices her and I had a better relationship and my choices were more responsible. I assure you when I turned 15 everything in our house was back to normal. I think it was the 14 year old phase. I am now sooooo close to both of my parents.

Answer 6

lady, her friend isn't the problem, your daughter is. she is easily influenced.

if you think disallowing the friendship is the answer u r wrong. she won't listen to u. let them stay friends but just don't let your daughter go anywhere with her friend. if they want to hang out, let them do so only at your house and when u r home.

its time to stop protecting her from the world and start educating her. start teaching her that is okay to say no, drinking and shoplifting could land her in jail.

put her on punishment and go with her to return the things she stole. another thing do not allow her to go to the mall because she steals.

Answer 7

DEAR

I FILL SO VERY SORRY FOR YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS MATTER IT JUST IS NOT RIGHT OK
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO ?

(1ST) SPANK HER BOTTOM GOOD SHE IS UNDER YOUR ROOF IT IS YOUR HOME AND YOUR RULES OK WHAT YOU SAY GOES OK SO SPANK HER.

(2ND) NO FRIENDS AND FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER BY TAKING HER TO A FAMILY DOCTOR THEN A OBGYN OK

(3RD) GROUND HER

(4TH) TAKE AWAY ALL RIGHTS LET HER KNOW SHE HAS NONE

(5TH) IF YOU HAVE TO PUT HER IN A HOSPITAL TO GET HER THE HELP SHE NEEDS OK
I KNOW I HAVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT OK

DEAR I AM GOING TO TELL YOU A TRUE STORY I DO NOT LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT HURT TO

MUCH BUT BACK IN JULY 13TH 1999 I TRY TO KILL MY SELF WITH DOCTORS MEDICATION I AM NOT PROUD
OF IT I WAS ON DEPAKOTE (400MG) TABLETS (4) TIMES A DAY NEURONTIN (400MG) 4 TIMES A DAY TABLES

ELAVIL (.50) MG'S (1) AT BED TIME BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE HOSPITAL I WAS DEAD ON ARIVEAL IT TOOK 4 SHOCK AT 360 TO BRING ME BACK AND THE ONLY

THING I REMEMBER IS THE DOCTOR SAY LOOK A LIVE LADY,S AND GENTLEMEN THIS B S IS REAL THIS KIDS IS NOT DYING TO NIGHT NOT ON MY SHIFT THE ELAVIL

IS WHAT ALMOST DONE ME IN SO DEAR PLEASE IF SHE IS DOING DRUGS FIND OUT WITCH ONES OK

TAKE CARE

Answer 8

She is a teenager - in puberty.this is one of the roles she takes until she grows up and decides what she really wants to be.You say generally she is a good girl.Try to rely on the bringing up you have given her and don't make such a fuss about that.Yes,skipping school is not OK and if she skipps it too much,they will make her change school without you.If she drinks,she will have the blue devils.You just have to be beside her and sympathize her and let the natural consequences go on.She will get the message that what she does she does it for herself.

Answer 9

it could definitely be a phase. i know that when i was 14 a lot of my friends went through 'the rebellious stage', and they have all grown out of it now. I'm still at school and i see people who are around 13 or 14 go through that stage, everyone does it to some extent. i know that when i was 14, one of my friends was sneaking off to have sex with 20 something year olds! i know for a fact that she doesn't do that anymore! drinking is not so bad, everyone drinks when their 14, when you first start going to parties you get so drunk, but you slowly grow out that and learn to control yourself! the most important thing for you to do is to let her know that you are there for her, no matter what she does. and don't be to hard on her.

Answer 10

That's a very difficult situation. You want to be a good mum but at the same time you don't want to restrict your daughter from her friends.

If it was me - I would probably speak to my daughter, explain that I am worried about her and what she's getting up to and ask her to take a step back and look at what she's doing.

She'll probably just do the opposite but at least she will know I am concerned and do love her.

Good luck.