How come it is all my Responsibility?

Question

I suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder, after 8 years of therapy I have finally learned some of the signs when I am going down hill and feeling suicidal.
I find the problem with this is when I try and get help, I am told it is my responsibility. I find this makes me feel worse.
A lot of the time this response will make me actually worse rather than better.
I wonder what is the point of Care Programme Approach and risk assessment if they can just throw it back at you all the time.
Am I the only one who has this problem.
At the last meeting they had I didn't attend so they put me on enhanced CPA it hasn't made any difference to the way they treat me.
I live in the UK

Answer 1

Hi,

i have the exact same problem/feelings. I feel that when you are having mental difficulties, everyone says..go see your doctor, counsellor etc they will help you...but it's as though no one really can sometimes because they just tell you.."only you can help yourself...i am just here to make you realise how"..it sometimes makes you feel like you will never get away from it because no one can help you really...and that's what makes me feel more down......it's as though you just have to go and suffer and work your own way out of the hole and that can hurt a lot when your told it and it makes you think "what is the point in anything".

I am seeing a counsellor at the moment..she is lovely...but It scares me when i feel so alone and when i am told only I can sort it out, cus it's been years and i don't seem to have figured it out alone yet!

best of luck to you, i hope you are getting some support

x

Answer 2

Hi there

I agree, in some ways, to Freshbliss......... but you don't have to do it alone. You can get help and support to guide you to a stage where you feel able to start helping yourself.

I applaud you for being able to recognise some of your triggers and know when you are beginning to become unwell. That is a huge step in the direction of recovery.

Unfortunately for you the help and treatment from health professionals doesn't actually seem to be that helpful. And this can and does happen depending on who those professionals are and what their beliefs or treatment models are based on.

From my own personal experience, that of friends, and also of some of my clients, I do know that there are excellent psychiatrists, gp's and others in the NHS who do have better understanding and offer alternative ways of dealing with mental illness.

As for CPA (care program approach) I find this varies very much on who your care co-ordinator is. Did you know that you are supposed to be involved in what it says, the decisions made and the services and approaches offered?

http://www.rbwm.gov.uk/public/social_mental_health_care_program_approach_information_leaflet_pdf94kb.pdf

Try this link, I don't know where you are in the UK, but this booklet looks to have some useful information even though it is produced by a specific NHS area.

In my work role I've had particular problems with a CPA that I received. My client informed me that the medication stated was incorrect, there had been no discussion and the client didn't even know what CPA was, there were no other things mentioned apart from the medication. This had been produced by a psychiatrist........... I leave you to draw your own conclusions...........

I would strongly suggest you find a local mental health charity who will be able to offer you support and advice.

Personally I believe that Mind are the best at this kind of thing, but that is because they helped me with my own illness, and I'm now priveleged to work for them.

http://www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area/

This search facility will help you to find the nearest one to you.

Others I know of include

http://www.rethink.org/

http://www.richmondfellowship.org.uk/

I'm sure there must be many more as well.

I doubt very much that you are the only person who has these kind of problems. But it is possible to find the right kind of guidance, help and support. If you know where to look for it.

Good luck.

Remember........... you are the expert in your own illness

Answer 3

They seem to be working on the Cruel To Be Kind Theory.

Basically what they mean is that if you are not opening yourself up to the help they can offer there is nothing they can do to help you.

If going somewhere else for help is not an option then you have to sit down with them and make them understand that you are having a problem getting you mind to spin in the direction they want.

Explain that you desperately need and want help but you need better keys to open the doors in you mind that are closed to your conscious mind.

Tell them repeatedly that you are coming to them as professionals for help as try as you might you cannot open the doors alone. That it is not for the want of trying, but that your brain is fighting you.

Get them to feel that there is glory to be had in helping you achieve your and their goals and you will be their poster child.

It sounds as if you have moved a long way forward on your journey to self already. Be proud of that and yourself. And Good luck. Stay strong.

Answer 4

I have been diagnosed as having a personality disorder but bacause there's various types i haven't been diagnosed with a particular one,but i have simlar behaviour charecteristics towards the paranoid personality disorder.When all my councillors talked to me none of them really had a clue how to help me and like you this just reinforced my pd because i already knew no one will ever help me.All they said was "your going to have to help yourself" that isn't what i went there for!!People go to these places because they are desperate for help and alot of the time councillors,psyciatrists etc have no clue themselves.They dont live the way we do and you do have to rely on yourself.

Answer 5

They say it is your responsibility for one reason: they cant make you well. Period. You have to change the behaviors, you have to work through your emotions, you have to quit offering up excuses...in short, you have to do the work.

I know this can be overwhelming - I expected people to make me well too....and I felt helpless because I didn't know what to do, but you know, this is something that can actually be very empowering. I hope you take on the challenge to find out how that is.....half measures avail nothing and only make matters worse. Give your all to this endeavor - get a journal and dont look back into it for sometime. You might be amazed.

Best Wishes.

Answer 6

I dunno how that works out in the UK.
I live in Germany, had been diagnosed with a BPD as well.
And believe me, I did look for the right psychologist and shrink for a long time.
In Germany you can switch and change the programme you're in. I do hope in the UK as well?
And an add: it is NEVER your own responsibility! Do not believe that!

@freshbliss: at some stage you are just UNABLE to help yourself. even if you try.

Answer 7

They tell you that your behaviors are your responsibility because they ARE your responsibility. Don't take refuge in your diagnosis. Unlike disorders such as schizophrenia or bi-polar, a personality disorder diagnosis does NOT mean you have a chemical imbalance that makes it impossible for you to manage your behavior. It means you have a pattern of behaviors and relationship interactions that you, yourself, are responsible for changing. You will need support to do this, but ultimately you are the only one who has any control over your own behavior.

Answer 8

You need to find other professionals to treat you. You are not getting the right help. If you cannot find help there, go someplace else. Just keep searching until you find the professional who will help you. Hang in there.