5 yr old son calling my 4 yr old daughter and 1 yr old son a N*****, Help!?

Question

I have 3 kids and today my mother got mad and called my husband who is black the "N" word in front of mine/his children, now I cannot get him to stop saying it. Today I brought him over to my friends house and he called them that as well, well now I cannot bring him over there until it stops because they to are black. I don't know how to get this to stop, any suggestions? I tried talking to him and telling him that he is calling himself that as well and that it is a bad word but all he does is laugh and tells me that if grandma says it that it is alright.

I have used the belt on my son, but don't like to because I don't want him to get bruises you know how it is with the whole system now you can't spank, not that I have ever put a bruise on my children, they're happy kids.

Today when she said that I got mad and grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pushed her out my front door, she has said it numerous amounts of times and I try to limit my space but she always comes over.

I talked to a social worker who I am actually friends with and she said that you cannot use soap in a childs mouth anymore because they could choke on the bubbles, I just found this out and I think it is crazy!

I think a Colleen said it is the parenting. What is up with that? My son doesn't see violence and if he doesn't hit me he'll have problems and my kids are very well educated and treated right so if you cannot say something intelligent than don't bother answering the question, POINT BLANK!

Correct what I wrote above, if he DOES hit me they'll be problems.

Answer 1

I did not see colleen's post but I am hoping she said "parroting" and not "parenting".Kids do parrot what they hear.And it is definitely not the parenting.Small children repeat what they hear and they will repeat anything unaware that it is bad.Just explain to him that it is a bad word and that he is not to say it because it hurts people's feelings and will cost him friends.Spanking is not called for in this case and i believe in corporal punishment.I would however advise you mother to either discontinue saying such things in his presence or stay away from him.I know that sounds harsh but I am a grandmother and i would expect my daughter to tell me to stay away if I said such horrible things.

Answer 2

I would explain to your son what that word actually means. The definition is "an uneducated person". I would explain to him that in all intents and purposes he, himself, is acting like one and ask him how he would like being called that? Also poiint out that your husband IS educated and that his siblings and friends are also being educated therefore the word does not apply. I used this on my Grandfather once and he never used the word around me again. Granted, he was quite a bit older but it's the same principle.

At that point, if it didn't change things, consider a small pop on the mouth each time you catch him saying it. Not hard, not a smack, just a pop on the place that is misbehaving.

Answer 3

First of all, get your mother in check!

Secondly, punish your son everytime he says it AND STICK TO THAT PUNISHMENT. Do not take it lightly because complete strangers will unfairly look at you and wonder what you're teaching your children.

When my 3 year-old sister continued to say a swear word, she too kept laughing after I told her not to say it. So everytime she stated the word, she either got spanked on her hand, denied desert or fun things until she stopped saying it. The no spanking law has not been finalized. You have a right to spank and discipline your own kids for goodness sake!

Lastly, there are several children's DVDs that talk about saying hurtful things to others. I would suggest you allow him to view it and the two of you talk about it afterwards.

Answer 4

You need to sit down and talk to him about calling anyone the "N" word. Make it a lesson. Explain to him why it's wrong to call people that word. Tell him why it's so degrading. It's important for him to understand WHY before you can expect him just to stop.

Does he get attention when he uses that word? Don't give him any attention when he does. Don't spank him. Don't yell at him. Simply tell him that's not a nice word and he knows why then put him in his room. After a while he'll get tired of the word, the punishment, and realize that it's not giving him any attention.

I've realized that many kids just try to see what they can get away with and even more kids like negative attention. Strange but true. Make sure you discipline him without making a huge deal about it. Best of luck!

I'd also agree that you need to talk to your mom about this issue. It's important to keep your kids away from any negative influences--including family.

Answer 5

That is an awful ugly word coming from someone so young. I think you need to stay away from your mom for a while to show her that you can't stand to have that language around you or your children. Plus you don't want to have to deal with this with you younger children as well. Explain to you child that it hurts people when you say that and you mother was very wrong to speak such a mean hateful word. Tell him that you are no longer going to see your mother until she understands that it is bad. Have you husband talk to him as well. He may be more able to listen to dad and mom then just one parent. I am sure that he will quit saying it.
You may have to put him to bed early or time out to get your point to him.
good luck

Answer 6

My wife and I have had similar things happen to us when it comes to relatives using language around our kids. This is my advice.
Treat it like any other bad word. When he says it, tell him it is a bad word and he shouldn't be saying it. If he continues, administer some form of punishment. Remember, you aren't punishing him out of anger, you are punishing him out of love... out of a desire to make him a better person. So stand firm and don't back down.
Also, tell him that grandma is not his mother! You are and you make the rules as to what kind of talk is permitted. He has no right to be laughing at YOU!
You might also ask grandma to not use that word in front of the kids, but remember she is her own person and might not care. That is her choice, but it is your choice to take the kids around her as well.
Hope this helps.

Answer 7

A good dose of dish soap in the mouth might teach him to think before he speaks. I can still remember the tast of Dawn dish soap... eventually I learned. My aunt also uses tobasco (no a lot, just a drop) and vinegar. She puts a little on her finger and puts it on the child's tounge. Also, tell you mother to stop saying that word. Tell her if she wants to call your husband that to at least do it when the kids aren't around.

Answer 8

He really looks up to Grandma...she needs to tell him she was wrong and that it was bad.
Tell him you'll keep putting him in the corner if he does'nt mind you.
This may've started with Grandma, but has turned into...not minding Mama. He must mind you.
He will hear alot worse in school someday and needs to know proper behaviour.
Good luck keeping him away from kids that call each other that word, as a greeting. So sad.

Answer 9

Oh girl...I wouldn't use the belt on them anytime. First I'd have a chat with grandma. I wouldn't be opposed to soap in the mouth if you tell them to stop and they think it's funny. YOU know it's not, and you know if it doesn't stop...it could mean a lot of trouble for them in the future. He's not understanding the seriousness of it. I feel for ya! EVERYTIME he says it, you need to make him come to you...get down on his level...hold his face (not cruelly, but MAKE him look at you) and tell him STERNLY..."WE do NOT USE THAT WORD! It's UGLY and it is NOT ACCEPTABLE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" He'll figure it out if he knows you're not playing.

Answer 10

Well, grandma is the culprit on this one. Since Grammy started it she will have to finish it. She is simply going to have to tell them that she said a naughty word and to not ever repeat it. The only way something like that is ever stopped is an apology from the person who begun it.