The same things over and over? Like "hang in there" or "it's going to be okay"...etc. I'm asking this because my best friend is deployed at the moment, & today he e-mailed me and told me that he would be deployed 15 months instead of the original 12 months. He's not complaining or anything and was prepared, and of course he accepts it; however, he is feeling down because he has a baby girl and he feels like she's not going to recognize him when he get's home. All I can think of to say is "hang in there" and "you can do this" and "you'll be okay". However, saying that seems so inadequate. What more can I say or do? "Hang in there" is beginning to sound kind of redundant, even to me. He doesn't complain of course, but I can't help but wonder whether or not it irritates him to hear the same things all the time. This is definitely out of my realm of experience and knowledge.
2007-04-12 15:14:31 · 15 answers · asked by LibraT 4 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Im from a military family and I know exactly what you are talking about. All you can do is let him know that you and everyone else loves him and is trying to hold down this side of the fort while he fulfills his patriotic duty. Make sure you send him lots (and I mean lots) of packages with home made goodies, his favorite store bought goodies, magazines, local newspapers, pictures of his baby girl and friends, board games, cards, etc. My uncle was deployed at the beginning of the war and I went to our local golf course and got them to allow me to put a box out for the golfers to donate their old balls that they would throw out anyways. There was so much that I had to send them in two big boxes. On his "off" day - him and his friends got to whack all those balls off the back of the carrier. You know they felt the love and more importantly escaped for a little while to a shred of normalcy. Every little bit helps and those cards, letters and packages really do make them feel at least a little closer to home. As for his daughter she probably wont recognize him but have no fear .. Im sure everyone has been telling her about Daddy, how proud everybody is of Daddy, how much Daddy misses and loves her, and probably even sees pictures of him. My dad was a lifer and was gone 6 months out of pretty much every year of my life and I still managed to be a complete Daddys Girl :-) She knows he loves her and that is the most important thing.
2007-04-12 15:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by KineGirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They've never experienced the thrill of being deployed, or having a loved one/spouse deployed. In their world, everyone comes home every night and no one ever has to live 6 months to a few years without seeing their spouse. I expect them to dodge the question or speak ignorantly about it, because it is a world that they just don't know. The ones that do, well, they don't acknowledge that their religion should have a stance against such. Great question, very much worthy of a star! Edit: Coffee... I apologize for singling you out, but I have to ask, how long were you a Marine? Was it a two year hitch, or were you a lifer? Those of us who survived the military for more than a few years know that cheating is so prevalent WE MADE IT A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE. We also know that the vast majority of our servicemembers are Christians. We didn't make the rule for non-Christians, we made it because it was causing problems for units everywhere. Hooah!
2016-05-19 14:37:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you talk to him, dont go in depth about his life where he is. Ask him how he is, tell you think of him often, ask if he needs you to send him anything and leave it at that. After those pleasantries, talk about you and things you are doing. Fill him in on things he might be interested in from back home, tell him funny stories, jokes, whatever you need to take his mind off of his life there. Even if just for a few minutes.
He deals with military stuff all day everyday, so emailing and calling friends and family is a sweet release. Good luck and YOU hang in there.
2007-04-13 11:11:22 · answer #3 · answered by lisa w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all let me say as someone whose been at home with babies while daddy is gone....they dont forget him and you need to let him know that. when my husband is gone and calls me i usually just let him vent..and then when hes about to his boiling point i tell him a funny story to cheer him up (like how our 3 year old was removing the legs of the table with a butter knife) as far as the hang in there and you can do this, he appreciates it if its coming from someone he knows genuinely cares....i know me personally (because wives have challenges when the husband is deployed as well) if a stranger on the street tells me that i want to punch them lol
2007-04-12 18:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by CRmac 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since he's your friend, just talk to him like one. If "hang in there" isn't what you're feeling, then don't say it.
Like you said, he knew it was coming and totally accepts it. It doesn't mean he has to like it. So, a simple, "That sucks" from a friend will do... and then just keep writing him to help him mark the time.
Thanks for asking. You're a good friend to him and very considerate!
2007-04-12 19:20:30 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not just tell him how you're feeling? You could tell him you're not sure what to say when he talks about the length of his deployment. He is your best friend after all, you can tell him anything. He may be able to tell you exactly what he wants to hear from you. He's lucky to have such a great friend.
2007-04-12 20:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I talk to my husband (who is currently deployed to Iraq), we talk about everything but ... unless he needs to vent about something. I think it helps to get his mind off of everything. He hears it all day in and day out, that I'm like his breath of fresh air. He and I talk mostly on instant messenger and use web cams, and he tells me I'm the most fun he has. So, I just talk about anything and everything else.
2007-04-12 17:11:03 · answer #7 · answered by hollybear1280 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is OK to sympathize with him, and no, every now and then we need to hear that we can make it through this patch of rough road. So we don't get tired of hearing it although it does get repetitive. Generally we just need someone to listen to us complain. When we stop complaining then it is time to get worried.
Old army joke:
If they took away our right to say F*** and our peanut butter, we'd starve to dead and not be able to tell anyone.
2007-04-12 15:27:00 · answer #8 · answered by Old guy 124 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
BEST ANWER!!! Good thing to do would be to tell him some encurraging words such as thank you and so and so said thanks for servering and how appriciative you are of what he is doing for all americans. this boosts confidence and then talk to him like he is home. it will bring his moral up and he will be able to engage in conversation rather than listening to moans and groans of how his situation might not be what you or he wants. he knows this and probably doesnt wanna talk about it so boost his confidence, send him letters where you ahve a conversation and end it with like thank you for servering, love you, we are all rooting for you, we are all so proud, so on and so on.
2007-04-12 15:47:30 · answer #9 · answered by Para-diddle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, depending on his religious views, you can tell him that you're praying for him and his family. I'm sure he doesn't expect you to have the best thing in the world to say. Nothing will likely make him feel better anyway. Tell him that you're proud of him.
2007-04-12 15:23:59 · answer #10 · answered by First Lady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋