How do I relate in my adult relationship with my mom?

Question

I am grown with a two year old daughter of my own. I live about 2 days drive away from my mom for a reason. She has six children. I am in the middle. She seems to have a better realtionship with the baby of the family. When I talk to her all she does is talk about her. She is graduation from law school in may and it is all she goes on about.

I have not talked to her for periods of time. I am trying to find the happy medium of having a relationship with her that I can share my life and her grandchild and not deal too much with all the crap any ideas?

Answer 1

well, you've already put a lot of space between you.

sometimes we just have to give up and try to get along.... i don't know why people are so uncaring, really i don't.

take care of You and that child of yours...

Answer 2

Things may appear one way to you but really not be what they seem. If your sister lives near your mother they are going to be close.

Sometimes mothers will try to think up pleasant conversation, and if she's thinking up something nice about what your sister is doing she may just be trying to make pleasant conversation. She may also think its nice to share the latest news with you, and if your sister is the one with the most news then she'll be who your mother talks about.

Since you haven't talked to her for periods of time, and since that would seem to indicate that your relationship is strained, there's probably even more reason your mother is trying to find "harmless" conversation and stay away from "hot button" issues. She may not be inclined to talk about herself. She could feel is she asks about your life you will see it as her trying to ask nosy questions.

I think you should think up some harmless topics of your own to bring up, and ask her opinions or ideas about them. Think of things your little girl does and talk about them. Try to forget any past difficulties, and try not to assume that if your mother says something you don't feel like hearing about it may not be a sign she cares about someone else more.

The fact is when there's someone who is about to graduate any school there's a lot of excitement and preparation to be made. This is the thing your mother has on her mind right now. If your sister was having a baby or moving or had a child who was just starting kindergarten those would be what your mother's big focus was. It happens to be your sister's graduation. Its a nice thing for your family to be looking forward to, and it would be nice if you could overlook the enthusiasm your mother has right now.

Kids who come from large families (especially if the ages are close) can be more sensitive about their mother's attention and who gets how much attention how often. They can be more competitive as well. Middle children can grow up feeling a little neglected anyway, so you have a couple of factors that have probably not helped with how you feel about some things.

Maybe you should talk to friends from large families or people who are middle children. Maybe you should make an appointment or two with a counselor. It seems to me it isn't a matter of "dealing too much with all the crap" as it could possibly be one of understanding that maybe the crap isn't as bad as it seems to you.

I have no way to know if I'm right or wrong about what could be going on, but I thought I'd offer my immediate reaction to your question. Your little girl is at such a nice age, and there are so many fun years ahead. They'll be nicer if you can build a relationship with your mother.

Finally, two things: Don't expect your mother to give you what she cannot in terms of a certain type of relationship. Start small and clean with your new relationship and let it grow at its own pace.

Answer 3

Maybe go to her for advice on certain things...Like your daughter. Once she sees that you value her opinion, you can start building a bond from that. I know I like to do things my own way, because I don't always agree with everything my mom does. Although, I still make sure I listen and make my mom still feel as though I look up to her as a mom.

Answer 4

it sounds like your mom just may be very proud of the baby for her accomplishments. it is her time to shine. my mom's sister lived far away from all the rest of us and there always seened to be a bit of uneasiness when she visited;;;it's just that living closer breeds a closer relationship, you have simply chosen to move away, now deal wirh it

Answer 5

Brag about your child.