I still love my ex & he is open to restarting; advice 4 next steps?

Question

A yr ago, my ex was about to move from NYC to Cali 2 be w/ me but I lost my job & decided to move again. As I wanted to be free to concentrate on my next move I broke up w/ him, though deeply in love. The outfall was brutal; he was defensive & hurt & rebounding like crazy; I didn't really know how to read him over the phone. Later, he tried to reach out but wasn't making that clear. I just went back and visited him & realized I still loved him & how he worked. We saw we had been deeply in love & seperated by misunderstanding but he said the last year had crushed his feelings. When I showed him how his way of handling things had created my reaction, he said he wished the last year hadn't happened & wanted to try. I proposed we keep in touch and give things a fresh start as I left; he looked radiant as I kissed his cheeks. My gut feeling is to give things some time and then contact him, as I tended to be more of the initiator, but I don't want to let things go too long. Any advice?

Answer 1

Cold for one. The whole breaking it off for you to concentrate on your next move. Shows that your still pretty lost on your purpose in life and two that your a tad selfish about it. You could of handled that much better and maybe it wouldn't of hurt him so much. But I don't know what led up to that descion I thinking chances are it might of been him pushing on you to hard. Because any other reason would of been extremely selfish. But still selfish in its own right but his reaction to it was overboard thou. The other thing is how out of touch with your own feelings you are. Not good, shouldn't take seeing this guy in person to prove to yourself you still love him. Shows that you don't honor to well the presences in your life, that out of sight, out of mind. Which also shows me that your overly independent of people in your life, which makes for a very lonely life. I'd be carful thou, because he did show an inability to be independent of individuals himself, almost like you guys are yin-yang with how you guys handle your insecurities in your interpersonal relationships. Also its good in words, but the heart never forgets, you guys can't act like the past year didn't happened are else your just trying to forget the lessons learn, plus history is big pillar in a relationship. You guys should talk it into the ground, not ignore it. If anyone your going to confront your shame with, it should be your lover. And he and you should realize that. Also this guys got a problem, he should of let you go after that long. No offense, but the whole true love, romantic love, soul-mate thing just neglects the fact that we can love many, many things. Its the situation around that loving relationship that determines how true, good, pure, right that relationship is for you. Looking at this... doesn't look good..... and him unable to find someone else shows he can't see himself as being an equal to you, he still worship you in other words, not good and not healthy for him. Besides also realize that at the core of every deep and meaningful relationship is a friendship. Take a step back and see if you can see how you've actual been a friend to this guy... without that all you are is two strangers that agree just to love each other.... love is so much more complex soup of feelings and it needs more then just raw sexual attraction to work right.... your guys are finding the right path, just keep in mind what you guys need to do is work on the friendship (which is to say a relationship in which you guys trust and relate all your feelings, ALL of your feelings, espacially your insecurites, nightmares, horriable feelings of impending doom, and fantasies, desires, shoot the only thing that divides lovers form friends is the level of physical intimacy and the togetherness of the future) and this could turn into a wonderful relationship. The problem with these answering personal questions like this is I don't have your intiution, your gut feelings, without that these tend to just be general advice... listen to yourself and make sure it listens with you....and hopfully he'll do the same for you, good luck

Answer 2

jonjon ... i could desire to declare this with all the honour I even have for you, so please take it in that easy. for each particularly seen, vocal, up-in-hands opponent of gay marriage who's now stimulated by the California court ruling to declare some tremendously grotesque issues based on it, there are hundreds greater who won't be on their heels yet are honestly questioning in simple terms what in the worldwide we are meant to do now. heavily. If we are saying something -- and that i recommend something -- that's no longer one hundred% supportive of this, we are on the instant shouted down (and not purely by gays) as bigots, hayseeds, scumbags, hypocrites, you call it. (no longer singling out the words you used, jonjon, yet they are flying around truly lots now.) And the "hate speech" card is getting tossed down fairly in many cases, besides. Reasoned talk and tries at information, on the two factors, get chucked right out the window. is this what you rather need? anybody who would not think of legalizing gay marriage is the main magnificent breakthrough in civil rights history can in simple terms close up and deal? whilst each and every physique on the two factors grows up somewhat, places down the pitchforks and tomatoes they lob at one yet another, and honestly enables this talk to run its course -- by fact, regardless of each and every thing, this could be a touch radical exchange for human beings to soak up -- then per risk you will no longer see as lots knee-jerk reactionary call for to combat this the enamel and nail. yet to purely lay it on us and say "take care of it" serves purely to push a superb form of the contest into silence ... nonetheless no longer unavoidably state of being inactive. in my opinion, i could lots fairly see opposition and argument in the sunshine of day than suppressed, smoldering resentment; it rather is the form of undertaking from which many grotesque issues can circulate slowly. Many Christians -- and human beings of religion, for that count -- probable will never come to complete attractiveness of this; what I pray that we do at last come around to, legalized marriage or no longer, is looking a halt to the vilification of gays as though they are lepers, and that may start up with an indefinite moratorium on that overused hedge of "love the sinner, hate the sin" in the back of which some authentic bigotry in many cases hides. previous that, i do no longer pretend to have all the solutions. yet i'm tremendously particular that ramping up the call-calling on the two factors isn't one.