Four year old son making unappropriate coments to family members.?

Question

My son is four years old. Recently his uncle was watching him for half an hour while we went to the store. My son was eating dinner and I told him to finish eating before he could go watch tv. My son decided ot throw his food in the trash while his uncle was not looking. When the wrongdoing was brought to his attention he told his uncle "You cannot tell me what to do you are not part of my family". I was disappointed to hear that my son made such an ugly comment to someone. I spoke to my son and advised him that what he said was mean and hurtful. I then grounded him for it. I dont know if this kind of behavior is part of growing up or am I doing something wrong? I talked to my husband and suggested counseling for my son but he says that I am blowing it out of porportion. I would hate for my son to say something like this again. If I am blowing it out of porportion I guess its because I dont know the steps of raising a child since he is my first and only one. What would you all suggest?

Answer 1

You let him know that an adult CAN tell him what to do and that his actions were both selfish and rude.

Stop it now, as he is testing his boundaries

Answer 2

I really don't think that, with what you've described, your son is out of control and I don't think he needs counseling. I think that your son is 4 and is trying to assert himself and see what he can get away with. I do, however, think that you should get this nipped before it gets any worse. I have a four year old, so I can relate. When my son says things that are hurful, they are usually things that he has heard other kids say. I say to him, "that wasn't very nice, that hurt my feelings"; "I don't like you saying mean things, no one wants to hear you say mean things". I have also used guilt in an extreme case, saying "if you say mean things like that, people won't think that I'm a good mom for letting you talk like that". I will also make him apologize to who ever heard the comments. Using grounding at 4 can be effective, but you'll need to keep reminding him why he can't do something, because he's probably not going to remember. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

You blew the entire thing WAY out of porportion. You don't "ground" a 4 year old...He is a small CHILD not a mineature adult. More than likely he HEARD what he told his uncle on the television...because what he said smacks of mimicry. Whoever is watching that kind of programming when a 4 year old is present is at fault not the child. Pay attention to what your child is exposed to concerning television/videos/video games and the computer. He is learning his behavior from those around him.

Answer 4

It is normal. I have a four year old that tells me that I am not his boss and he's even told me that he hates me (something he learned from someone at daycare) and he has even said a few cuss words before. It's normal. Just correct him and tell him that it is not nice and when he talks that way it can make people not want to talk to him anymore. Well that is what I tell my son and it ususally seems to work.

Good luck

Answer 5

You take the child to his room, tell him what he did wrong, make him apologize to his uncle, if he doesn't then find a woodshed somewhere and take him out behind it with a good old fashined hickory switch. There is no sense in the kids today acting like this all because the government says its abuse, it is only abuse if you go overboard with the punishment.

Answer 6

he doesn't yet understand aunts and uncles and cousins are part of family he only understands that those living in the house are family
i would suggest ungrounding him because you did blow it out of proportion and apologizing and explaining to him that he has more family than just those at home and is uncle is part of the family even though he doesn't live with you

Answer 7

Sorry, no offense, but he didn't learn that attitude from himself. He's either learning that sort of expression from home or from somewhere he shouldn't be (a neighbor?).
And no, it's not part from growing up, it's a matter of manners, which are learned. I've never heard any of my seven talk that way.
Does daddy talk that rough?
He needs to hear more "please" and "thank you's" and kind, respectful ways. Teach him to respect seniors without taking risks.

Answer 8

As I read the other answers, they are all in a way, right. My son is 4 also and he definitly tests his limits! lol He was my first for about 2 years and I spoiled him, so now he is mean. Someone stated that your son has learned it from somewhere, and that is soooooo true. My one brother is mean to my son so I never let him over there and of course I never go over his house, but when he comes over my son trys to fight him and play rough with him beacause he dont like him and that is what my brother does to him. My son now has a little brother that he plays rough with and i think it is because of they way he was treated by family. See I live with my parents right now because my husband is deployed, so my son for some reason decides he want to raise his voice at my parents. I think that is because when I get mad at them (my children) I raise my voice because it is hard being a single mother sometimes with boys because they need to hear that manly voice, that deep voice that has power (I guess thats why I do it, maybe I learned it from my parents lol) But I strongly disagree with that, and anyone would! So first I take my son and make him say sorry, and that is even when he is mean to his brother too. I make him say it like he means it. I dont necessarly get mad because that doesn't help, but I do let him know I am upset with him. When he says sorry I smack his mouth. Not hard but just hard enough that next time he knows better. Some parents do not like to hit their child but in some cases it is appropriate to me. I think giving him couseling is really going too far. If you do that just because he has a little attitude he might think that there is something seriously wrong with him and could effect him later. Seriously, thats what I think. I put my son in the corner, or take away his toys when he acts up. He is getting better, he goes around saying he loves his baby brother and gives everyone hugs (not too girly though lol). He really understands that it is not tolerated.

I also want to tell you about my neice. She is also 4. I was watching her for about 2 weeks one time. I told her to stop touching the buttons on the tv because she could mess something up and she should not be messing with it unless told to. So she says to me "your not my mom" and i just look at her like, are you serious? Girls are sensitive (well she is anyway) so I told her to come to me. I looked at her in her face (just like I do my child) and I made sure she was paying attention, and I said to her, do not tell me again that I am not your mother, if I tell you to stay off of something I mean stay off of it. And she just sat down. Her mom doesnt approve of her saying that stuff either. But let me tell you how she learned it. When my sister and I are just hanging out she would play with my niece and say tell her "she's not your mom" just jokin around, and it is funny at the time but she takes it seriously. Everything my sister says she repeats it faithfully.

Your son doesnt need counseling, he just needs to be told and the consequences may need to be stronger. Good luck :)

Answer 9

Yes, you are making this bigger than it really is. Kids will be kids. At 4 years of age, grounding did not work as a form of punishment though for us.

Answer 10

Kids say all kinds of crazy things. I remember a few horrid things I said myself. What you need to do is make sure he understands WHY it is wrong, and find a punishment that is effective - time out whatever. At that age, they do not always understand verbal explanations, nor remember them, but I always remembered corporal punishment, but to each his own.

Answer 11

You need to explain to your son why saying something like that is wrong. They understand more than we think.

Also, think back.... kids are parrots. Where could he have learnt to say that or to have that attitude? They're so easily influenced by friends or family.