a difficult decision to make?

Question

my autistic son is having great difficulty in socializing its so bad that he hasnt been to school for 18 months.in that time he has only been outside a few times also over this period he has regressed even further into himself,he has lost weight his sleep is erratic and he refuses to shower, two months since he washed ,i have tried all sorts of strategies that you can mention and they dont work .it has got to the stage now that his nurses believe he should go into this psychiatric unit for teenage boys who have varying degrees of problems, some of which i believe may be distressing for him, but they feel this is the only way foreward for him outwith his own enviroment for him to make progress,we got to sign papers to agree to this under the mental health act dont know what to do , he also got ocd and selective mutism eg he chooses when to speak and who with, please help im at my wits end.xxx admission is 28 days in hospital for assessment

Answer 1

It's so nice to see so many people who care enough to give such thought out answers.

Have you sat him down and told him in a calm, non-emotional, matter-of-fact way (this is VERY important) what sort of dilemma you are in with regards to doing what's best for him? Explain what options you have and what each would involve with regards to how it would affect him. It may be an idea to tell him your concerns about him staying at the psychiatric unit - he may not even know what that is. Maybe he will then appreciate that his actions will have an impact on your decision to do what's best for him and help you decide? This way he may not feel that you are not consulting him and rebel.

The bestest of best wishes, whatever you decide.

Answer 2

I really feel for you. This is one of the hardest decisions a parent has to make and no matter which you choose, there will be doubts and feelings of guilt and second guessing.

Still, if your son is not only not progressing, but instead regressing in spite of your best efforts, and his health care providers are suggesting this, it might be worth a try. 28 days is not really a lot of time in the grand scheme of his entire life. If this 28 days, or even a few months, can give him a foundation on which to build and progress, I'm sure you will find it worth it after all is said and done.

Talk to his physician and psychiatrist and if he/she agrees with the nursing staff, I would give it careful consideration. If you choose to admit him for the period they suggest, use that time yourself to research, to find other treatments available and do all you can to find ways to help him. Talk to his health care providers about it and most of all... replentish yourself. Caring for a disabled person is draining at the best of times, it's moreso when that person is a child or loved one.

Take special care

Answer 3

Sign the papers. It's time for the professionals to take over for a while. They need to see if they can pull him out of this downward spiral. He'll learn to socialize. I'm sure you have tried everything you can. Doesn't mean that you are a bad mother because you are putting him in this unit--so don't let anyone tell you differently. A good mother knows when something new has to be tried to save her son.

Answer 4

You have my sympathy - truly a difficult situation.
Caregivers can be overwhelmed by the burdens of caring for relatives, especially if there is only one parent or caregiver. You need to consider your own sanity as well as your son's benefit.
Maybe he'll do better in an institutional setting. The 28 days isn't forever, and you'll have knowledgable people to consult with afterwards. Good luck whatever your decision is.

Answer 5

Having worked with mute autistic kids, having OCD, I can understand your not wanting to MAKE HIM do things outside his comfort zone.

Now, if you would, read your question one more time. As you do, read where his comfort zone has been for the past 18 mo.

Even you agree that SOMETHING has got to CHANGE. He is not taking care of himself, and your words suggest he cannot care for himself. You must be worn out with the responsibility.

The hospitalization (which I have had to face with my own family members) as much as you dread this, can end-up being a very positive thing for both him and for you. Caretakers do need respite care from time to time. Your dependant son needs to be shown that there is a world outside of his own home, and he needs to be evaluated.
An evaluation stay such as this can be a make-or-break time to determine what his future adult years will look like. I know this is a painful decision for you, but a thorough eval really is necessary.

I sympathize with you. I was there at one point myself, and the hospitalization resulted in my child being accepted into a two-yr. live-in program to assist people without skills to live on their own, working toward learning to care for themselves. My child is today, making a good living, managing a restaurant. Not all her choices would have been my choices, but she is her own person who today is thriving.

Answer 6

You need information. There are many sources, and lots of support groups out there. There are a number of different approaches to dealing with autism, depending on severity and behavioral patterns. Try searching the web for a support group near you, ask your doctor or your local mental health association. You don't have to face this alone, and there IS hope. Good Luck.

Answer 7

i know this is a very hard thing to decide..but it may just be the best 28 days he has and may help you both in the long run...you have to consider your own mental health also..i can imagine how difficult this is for you..i can see from your question that u know deep down this is the way forward for your boy..nurses and doctors who work in these units are amazing.they will do the very best for you and your son

Answer 8

it can only help him. it seems his condition has gradually become worse without the proper care and facility he could become even more harmful to himself and or others around. i know this must be a tough decision, however you know what the right decision is. dont feel it means your giving up on him sending him to this"home" it only shows how much you really love him ,getting him the help he needs.visit him at this "home" as much as they allow you too. it could give you an oppurtunity to meet other families with these burdens and maybe you came learn from how they are coping. you know what the right thing is to do for both your son and your family. best of luck and god bless.

Answer 9

I know it can be hard, but it sounds like it's gotten beyond the point that you can control. Maybe let him go in for assessment, and then have them work with you and your family so that you can bring him home and he doesn't fall into this state again. It will be hard but right now, that may be the best thing. Best of luck.

Answer 10

Get your social worker to apply for ILA then you will be able to pay for help at home.
Also just run a bath for him and don't ask him if he wants one, just make sure he goes in it. Could you connect his ocd to washing himself ? I know this is very hard for you and it is a big decision to make, like you I hate the idea of putting him in care. maybe you could let him go in without signing anything to see if he will settle down first. I would love to know how you get on.