Can domestic abuse happen by a child abusing a mother/father? Where is the line between disipline and abuse?

Question

I was just curious as I felt that I have hurt my mother feelings on several occasions and have put her down and made her feel bad. I am unsure why I may have done so... but was curious about whether this made me an abuser? (Age 14-16 at the time)
If a male, son of 19 was to have hit/mentally targetted his mother/father, I would have counted that as domestic abuse.

Arguments have ended in mental/physical violence occuring within my family, but where does the line separate disaplining a child and abusing a child?

Where is the line?

Okay I am kind of asking 2 questions in the same question...

1) Can a child abuse a parent?
2) Where is the line drawn between abuse and disiplining a child?

* when talking about disipline, I mean the disipling of the child - Parent disiplining the child!

Answer 1

Yes a child can abuse parents it is a very common thing in todays society,out of control children abusing there parents and siblings. It happens for a reason you need to think about what had happened in your life around that time. Discipline does not necessarily have to lead to any type of abuse being physical mental or verbal. You should talk not shout it gets you alot further in life. Email me if you fancy a chat or if you have msn email me your addy i'm a good listener

Answer 2

Yes most certainly. I think you can say the line has been crossed if, you beat a child for no particular reason.If you are angry and lash out at a child who happens to be there. If you tell the child, you will never be any good,and/or putting the child down verbally,not giving a child a happy environment, that is abuse, as the child does not know better, the parent ( supposedly ) does. If the child is in a good environment with good guidelines, and does something unacceptable, to tell them of, or send them to bed,that is discipline, the difference being the child knows it has done wrong!! In the abused child, the child never does anything right, that is, to the abuser anyway. The same behaviour towards a parent or parent's would be domestic abuse, as long as all are over the age of consent.Hope this helps.

Answer 3

To the first question: disapline is for the children not the parent. The paren deserves you respect and loyalty because they brought you into this world and cared for you when you were not able to care for yourself..
Second hurting your parents feelings is not abuse unless you got physical although you should apologise and hold your tongue when dealing with your elders, they see things different than you do they are from another time than you are.
As far as the 19 year old hitting his parent, thats physical abuse and he should be reported to protective services for the elderly, of some one should give him a tste of his own medicine and kick his butt.
And the line between correction and abuse is:
First let the punishment fit the crime,If the offender didnt do anything to hurt someone then its not real serious.And mild punishment is good.
Then my personal opinion on spanking is : if you spank a child on the rear end , its fine but if you beat them its not. If you hit your child hard enough to leave a bruse, cut the flesh, or cause bleeding that is abuse.
My parents spanked us if we needed it and we all turned out to be well rounded members of society

Answer 4

Have you ever heard of the adult abuse hot line, well thee is a one . You say that you don't know why you've done such a thing ,I think that you do and you know that it wrong .I say this because you ask the question and in so many ways out ted your self . Think about it this way WHO did it feel to be pushed around by a bully , well your now him. As far as to the deplaning of you child I have three ( all girls ) and you can't let them run loose but you can give them the choice to choose the positive or neg. factor. you teach a child at and early age that using bad words and hitting are bad and you keep telling them that, make sure the thing they see on TV don't show that it cool to hit or talk down on others . when a chi led grows up knowing that what they do reflects on the rest of his/her life things look clearer to them.Hitting you mo thee , fathee , or any child ,well lets just put it out ther anyone for that matter is wrong and if your still doing these things please go and get help . because when or if you have kids they can very well pick this up from you .think about that

Answer 5

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

The above link looks like it covers a lot about the subject of abuse. If you search "definition of abuse" or "definition of domestic abuse" you should find some solid answers.

Abuse is about one more powerful or stronger person having a pattern of try to make the more vulnerable person afraid or intimadated. "Pattern" plays a big role in abuse, but if a grown son were lose his temper once and hit his mother that would be a single act of abuse even if he didn't usually have a pattern of it. There are a lot of things that go into whether someone "is an abuser" or whether an act is abusive, so reading some things on that site is probably best.

Hurting someone's feelings isn't abusive. Enjoying hurting their feelings is. In some families everyone is loud and yelling and maybe even getting into physical fights, but if all involved are of equal strength and nobody is afraid that isn't necessarily an abusive situation.

Many people believe that any time someone strikes someone else it is domestic violence if the child is too old to be of an age where some parents may think a smack on the bottom is called for. Many parents don't believe in striking their children at all, but if parents pop their young children on the bottom isn't abuse. If a father punches his teenage son that's abuse.

If the people involved can equally hold their own in a verbal war it isn't abuse - its a fight or an argument. If one person knows the other is being so unreasonable she/he doesn't answer back because there's no point; or if she/he is afraid to speak up that's abuse.

If a family is used to calling each "jerk" it isn't pleasant or ideal but it isn't necessarily abuse. If a mother asks her son to call her when he gets somewhere, and he says, "Scr*** you, you b***" that's abusive.

It seems to me that you have domestic violence occurring in your home, but whether or not one or more being are "abusers" is something I don't know. Any time there is violence or a verbal fight there's the chance that one person is stronger or more aggressive than the other, which means that abuse is always a possibility. Two equally-matched, equally-non-intimdated people is a different thing.

An argument that has things like "You're always moving my stuff!" is different from "You're an incompetent loser!" When a parent says, "If you don't stop teasing your brother you can't watch tv" that's not abuse. If a parent says, "What's wrong with you, are you stupid?" that's abuse.

If you are wondering if you may be an abuser there's probably a chance you at least show some signs of it, but you're recognizing it - and many abusers can't or won't do that.

It sounds, though, like your family has let tempers get out of control to the point where what may not have started as abusive may be showing some signs of it at times. (Of course, I have no way to know this for sure.) Its just that such a lack of peace in a home is very likely to cross the line at least sometimes.

If you said something crummy to your mother when you were 14 or 16, and that was the end of it; chances are your mother has written it off as teenage mouthing off.

The line between "regular yelling" and mental or physical abuse is easy to cross if a family allows yelling and hitting people to be part of life. My rule was always "feel free to disagree with me, but you can do that with respect". My other rule was always, "The world is full of violence. We will not have it in our home, and there will be no hitting of anybody."
Parents should treat children with respect and expect the same back.

If a family doesn't set a high standard when it comes to no violence in the house it gets pretty easy for things to escalate from "regular fighting" to an abusive situation.

I guess maybe the line one line is whether something involves attacking someone either verbally or physically. Another line may be whether or not what is said is meant to manipulate or really hurt someone emotionally. Another line could be "would you do this to some outside" or "would you do this to someone as aggressive or strong as you".

There is also the question of whether someone derives a little pleasure or power attacking or intimidating someone else. If anyone feels frightened or intimdated there's probably abuse
Humiliating or belittling someone can be abuse.

Most people agree that striking one's children in any way other than what I mentioned above is abuse. Some people believe that while a pop on the bottom isn't abuse it isn't right for parents to hit their children at all.

If you lost control when you were a teenager, but now you are in control of your temper and are sure you'd never behave that way again you were probably just like a lot of mouth-off teenagers.

If you feel that you've been the one to be abused at times you should really talk to a professional and sort it out. Sometimes when parents act abusively toward their children when everyone is young the child grows up and takes on the role of abuser when the parents are no longer as young and "up and coming".

Answer 6

Yes a child could definitely abuse a parent as silly as it sounds is possible and this only happens when the parents has not set their foot as to who rules in the home and who listens to who, its important that a parents could show their kids discipline as well as love and make sure their kids dont get it mixed up in the sense of make their kids feel unlove because they are being discipline by the parent. I dont think you were an abuser i simply believe you mom didnt know how to pretty much control you and no offense but parents do that unintentionally they dont discipline their kids because they want to be the good parent letting their kids take advantage.

Answer 7

discipline does not leave deep purple bruises and the like. as a law enforcement officer i come in contact with markings that are consisitent with what is "corporal punishment" which is criminal terminology for spanking with the belt or hand. yes u can be abusive towards your parents and yes it is very wrong. u should take every opportunity to make your mother feel wonderful b/c shes the one responsible for taking care of u all your life. shes special and should be treated as such. every family encounters what is "mental or verbal" abuse at some point b/c tempers are going to flare and things will be said that arent meant. if it goes beyond that then your family may have a serious problem that u may need help for.

Answer 8

I think a child can abuse his/her parents. They might not be abusing them physically but emotionally yes. Just because they are the parents doesnt mean they dont get hurt. They might not show in front of the child how hurt they are... but most probably in secret they are suffering... Everybody is going to get hurt... no matter what kind of relationship they got or their age.

I think that it starts to be physical abuse to the child when its just that... physicall... a child should not be hit... mental abuse happens when u insult the child....

Answer 9

well to be correct by how you have described it, your actions at the time were abusive.
BUT! this is very normal, as when we grow up and are learning new things we are constantly testing our boundaries- a bit like a toddler taking a wander-as they all do- and being drawn back to their parents, this is what we do as growing adults (or adolecense aged under 16 to 18 or can even be as old as 50!!) The point is that there needs to be sopmeone ready to reel them in at the other end- to say "stop that hurts" or "thats not ok" or "thats out of order/against the law/"abusive and uncalled for..." without this you never learn and you never grow and thus dont develop.

Your 'abuse' towards your mother was part of growing and was normal- the growing happens throughout your life and you will constantly stand to be corrected by those around you. Everyone makes mistakes- you just have to reme,ber to learn and grow away from them and become a better person.

Unfortunatly not everyone stands up for themselves and says "no dont do/say that" and others dont care and thus dont act, so sometimes it takes people longer to learn how to be a decent person. And even more unfortunalty, some people never learn. Or they alternativly become hyper sensative and can become hyper aware of upsetting people, look for problems which dont occur or even invent a problem others have with themselves as they are all too aware that if they screw up and say or do something out of order, no one will complain but people will still be offended or hurt all the same.

But above all its important to remember and hold close that offending and upsetting people is all part of growing up and learning and finding out our boundaries- and how far we can push it until we are reeled back in!

Answer 10

I am very confused by your question! You are kinda flip flopping! At first you ask about a child being abusive but at the end you ask where is the line between disciplining and abusing a child! What do want to know now???