My 18 year old daughter left to go live with a bad crowd what do i do?

Question

My daughter is 18 as she has reminded me that i cannot tell her what to do. the people she want to be with does drugs she is just now experimenting with them. she has chosen them over her family. i was very harsh about it all. i told her not to ever call me and to never ask to come back (which was all said in anger. but now she hasnt called or anything it is the one thing she is actually listening to me about. this house has a 28 year old mom of 2 with a boyfriend who was just picked up by the feds. what can i do?

Answer 1

Your main mistake is assuming that you "have to" do something. You don't. She's ruining her life and doesn't want to listen to you. You'll have to either change your tactics, or stop trying. Because telling her what you already told her before is only going to make matters worse.

Answer 2

It sounds like you acted on emotions rather than being rational with her. You can't fly off the handle and tell her not to call or ever come back. She's your daughter and the thing she should know above all else is that her mother loves her and will be there for her. Try contacting her and get this message across to her.

But you cannot make her come back. She has to want to come back. That doesn't mean bribe her or let her do whatever she wants in your house. She has to know that there are set rules for the house but you love her and care about her well-being.

As for the drugs, sometimes kids have to make their own mistakes. It could be just a phase. If it continues to be a problem, she may need professional intervention.

For now, all you can do is let her know you love her and care for her. Let her know she's welcome back home if she wants to come home. You have to leave the decision up to her.

Answer 3

That's the same situation I was in when I turned 13.. When I met my 19 year old b/f and introduced me to the greatest drug in the world (weed). But im still with him (5years and having my first baby in 2weeks) i think all i ever wanted @ THAT time was to do whatever the f^^^^ I wanted. But my mom hold on strong to me until I turned 16. I dropped out @ 15. I regret it big time. She locked up my b/f when he was 19. Maybe its not your daughter thats acting like that MOST 95% of the time is her b/f or other girls. My mom put me on a PINS warrant (person in need of supervision) and a group home. But i started needing my mommy when she tried a new method. Acted like she didn't care where i went or go. But if you want to do that don't let her go too long, like if she don't call you for one whole month. Call it quits. Talk to her on some adult sh**t. Give her some space. Just talk to her say you don't want her to go nowhere just gotta reason with me. If your gonna go somewhere CALL me. Anywhere you @. Give her a phone card so she has no excuses about having no money to call you. Buy her a GPS nextel phone so you know her every move.. Send her to Maury?Get a private investigator to know what shes doing? Im sorry I can't tell you anything else cuz shes legal already.

Answer 4

Hang tight to your tough love approach. Reestablish contact with her but under no circumstances should you apologize for condeming her drug use. Eighteen years olds are still very much a teenager, easily influenced by whatever and whoever is currently around them. If she is living in a situation where a person in that household was arrested on federal charges, chances are she is also on their radar now. You could try an intervention, but that rarely works with those who don't want to be helped. Good luck since it sounds like you really need it.

Answer 5

well, speaking as a son u should let her be, she will later on figure out her mistake, butbut she could really get into some dangerous things, my mom is strict but she doesnt get all on my case because she has to look over my sister so i really like dat i get my freadom but i know wats wrong and wats bad, so you let and got mad at you daughter and now shes gone, but shes 18 right now if u know she wont listen to u atleast tell her to lay off the heavy usage of drugs and try to maintain it in a smooth nice way, then talk to her about how she is 18 and all but she has to realize dat it aint all bout partying, its more about being more machure and how its the beginig of the working life if she want to have a good life, but try to make her avoid the dangerous drugs or atleast the heavy usage of it, i hope i helped u im not telling u how to be a mother but how u might be able to get ur daughter to atleast stop the drugs, and trust me friends well u might not be able to get rid of for her or tell her to do it, she just has to be careful when all of them being under drugs.

Answer 6

Leave your door open but only with boundaries you are willing to uphold. If you are sure about the drugs maybe children and family services need to be notified. I don't think you raised her to do the things that she is right now, but she has to find her way and she has to fall a few times. Just don't be so quick to pick her up. If you have any other kids you cant keep dividing all your energies to one. Be Blessed. I have been there and we made it through.

Answer 7

you are in a difficult situation.

call her, tell her you are still her mother if she needs support,...tell her you disagree whith her choice , but that you recognize is her life.
nagging wont help..
let her free and make sure she learns from her mistakes.

if she ever goes back home for a weekend,or a night. treat her as if nothing bad had happened, cook something nice to her...and avoid the topic completely. dont even ask, (how is it going).?-.
she will feel like home...
and then she will compare it to anything else she is goign thru.

if she is doing drugs and her habit is too noticeable, tell her you are whith her 150% , but she has to get clean other wise, the doors of your house are closed.
no crying, no screaming,..no nothing.
just adults talking.

Answer 8

I'd certainly get back in touch with her and tell her that you will be there when she needs you, and leave it at that. When they turn 18 they need to know mum is there when they finely fall, she has to learn by her own mistakes, and live her life ( maybe this will make her wiser later when she has her own kids, we hope). Good luck, just try to stay positve and try not to stress too much, you don't need the pressure.

Answer 9

Take a deep breath. Then call her and ask her if she is okay. Apologize for getting so angry and tell her you regret it, and that you just called to tell her you truly love her. Godfollower is right. This is a perfect time to pray--for strength and wisdom both for her and for yourself. And Bossy's right too; you didn't raise her this way. Rebellion is ugly and hard, and makes us feel tired, afraid, useless and failing. You aren't failing and you haven't lost her. Everything you taught her is going to be how she gets thru this. While going thru this with my daughter, someone told me that a boundary isn't a boundary until you hit that sucker a few times, hard enough to knock you down. You gotta know your boundaries and you gotta know how to get back up. She is testing her inner boundaries now --expect and let her to get knocked down. Seek help when you need it, pray about it, and touch base with her so she knows she isn't lost.

Answer 10

Can't believe you said to never call you. Anyway, just be there when her bubble bursts and she needs you. She's taking life by the horns and she'll learn the hard way, as her mother you need to be there for her when she realises it's a false existence. Let her know you're there, and that you didn't mean what you said when she left.