Im 29/fem & my g/f of 6 years broke up with me suddenly 11 weeks ago and we have had no contact whatsoever for the last 4 weeks. I am totally wrecked by this and I am trying to be strong and listen to everybody when they tell me "you'll get over this"
Last night I discovered that she has updated her profile on a well known website that lets old school friends see what you are up to now. She added to her profile that she has a gorgeous g/f and she is very happy. I was shocked I admit but I calmly phoned her and asked her and she denied everything. All she could say was "who told you that" then she got angry with me as usual.
All I want is to know the truth, fine, she may not want to hurt me anymore but I am at the lowest point right now and her lying about it is making me feel like she hates my guts and that I am nothing but dirt on the bottom of her shoe.
Am I wrong to ask for her to have the decency to be honest with me so that I can get closure on this once and for all??
2007-04-12 10:02:01 · 13 answers · asked by Hurt & Alone 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You're not wrong but you're not going to get what you want out of this situation.
I know it sucks and I know it hurts but sometimes we don't always get the luxury of closure.
Whatever her reasoning is, she obviously wants to have no contact with you and you're only going to make yourself look needy and or foolish by trying to get answers out of her.
Try and think of it this way. Even if she told you everything you wanted to know, would that REALLY make things better.
You didn't ask but I'd theorize that she was probably seeing this "new" girlfriend before she broke things off with you. She's not brave enough to handle a direct confrontation with you and have the truth come out, so she's just stonewalling you.
It's gonna hurt for awhile and my best advice is just to let it hurt and let yourself go through it. But nothing good is going to come out of any contact with her. Your best bet at closure is just to know you're the better person and move on.
2007-04-12 10:10:34 · answer #1 · answered by mantoothnation 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not be wrong to ask, but you are wrong to think she's going to be honest and tell you. Look at her behavior. What would make you think she would be honest with you?
Look, you can't make her do or say anything. The only person you have any control of here is you. It is frustrating and annoying, and heart-breaking, but you have to get clear and not give her any more opportunity to hurt you. I think you will keep contact with her even if she is mean, just because it is better than nothing and you are heartbroken. It is not about you. This is her thing. She can never be honest and tell you that because she doesn't know. Sorry. Getting closure is really a matter of you deciding when to say when and then slowly healing your way out of this. I am sorry it didn't work out and sorry she screwed you over, but if you keep going back to her for answers, you will keep getting ones you don't want to hear and keep feeling worse. Seen it. Done it. Been there. I am sorry you're hurting.
2007-04-12 17:13:14 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are normal. The catch is that even though they are normal they are not doing you any favors. Ending a long relationship is tough on both people. She ended it and has decided to keep distance so that you can both move on. When you contact her she has to deal with the feelings of guilt and lashes out at you. At the end of the day it does not matter why she left only that she did leave and you have to accept that. You may not be ready to stop the grieving process yet but as your friends have said, you will get over this. Give it time.
2007-04-12 17:09:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She hates your guts man! That's why she left you.
It wasn't the reason though. She found her new boyfriend way before she told you that happy news.
You got too comfortable during that six years with her and you forgot to watch your six!
What point it would make for you to know the truth???
You're outta there man. Forever!
Remember: If they break with us, they never look back.
Get over it! She's gone. She has a new, gorgeous boyfriend who bangs her like there's no tommorow.
Why should she even be talking to you??
Get real.
Start collecting home phone numbers. That will get you back to the game and you'll soon forget that unfaithfull *****.
2007-04-12 17:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have the right to have her explain as to why she left you, but as far as she being with someone now...that really isn't any of ur concern anymore, not to sound mean...but she also should have the decency to atleast tell you something, though she has the right not to...the best way for u to move on...is just to try and realize that things happen for a reason and sometimes there is just nothing you can do about it...as far as people telling you "you'll get over this"...how can they say that...they didn't go through what you went through...everyone reacts differently...just take it slow and try to keep urself busy...u will eventually work through it, though u may never understand the reasoning...some things just are unexplainable...and it doesn't really sound like she is going to be too open minded about givin that information...n e ways...i'm rambling now...so i hope i helped a bit...good luck....
2007-04-12 17:10:53 · answer #5 · answered by ro19_2000 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you're not wrong to ask for it. But she's also not wrong if she doesn't want to give it to you. Now that you're broken up, who she dates is no longer any of your business. Plus you're just asking for more hurt. Just take things a day at a time, and every day you'll think about her less and less. Pretty soon your heart will be mended and you won't even realize how or when It happened. Hang in there. I know it hurts.
2007-04-12 17:08:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably going to have to make your own closure at this point. She doesn't want to talk to you anymore and she's moved on. You sound like you already know what happened. Hearing it from her isn't going to make it any more real. Stop contacting her, and stop looking her up on the internet. It's just keeping the wound fresh.
2007-04-12 17:08:29 · answer #7 · answered by Jas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you got closure when you broke up ... breaking up means the relationship is over
you dont want closure ... you want to talk her into getting back together
honestly - you should thank her for being able to move on, its honest, and its all you need to know
take a step back and find yourself, and find the things that make you happy ... you have lost yourself and your happiness by thinking you found it in another person ... if you continue to look for happiness outside yourself, you will continue to feel the way you are feeling
2007-04-12 17:10:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but if she broke up with you, and you two are NO LONGER together, then you have no right to ask her what she is doing with so and so, or even if there is someone else. The relationship is OVER. You just have to swallow the pain, take it in, and let it go. Its going to suck, and its going to hurt. But just go out and have fun and keep your head up. Eventually things will get better. Good luck
2007-04-12 17:07:43 · answer #9 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
same response I was getting from my ex of about three weeks ago. Eventually I figured out that she was having a fling on the side. She still doesn't want to talk about it but I have to figure that her burden is probably bigger than mine if that's how she has to treat people. Best I can do is trudge through knowing that I don't have to put myself out there next time if I don't want to be hurt again.
2007-04-12 17:08:26 · answer #10 · answered by Meatball ;) sub 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋