Christian Dating Atheist?

Question

Are there other Christian girls that have dated atheists? Have you faced any obstacles from parents friends, etc. I am not going to stop dating him, his values are better than the Christian men that I have met. I would just like to know what resistance I should be prepared to face.

Yes, he is definitely worth fighting for: more than worth it!
And no, I do not try to push anything on him. I refuse to do that. Our opinions are different, but our values are the same, and that is the most important thing to us.

ok, about his values:
He is patient, kind, considerate, respectful. Doesn't curse, get drunk or violent. No drugs. Is saving himself for marriage(!) Respects his parents, hard worker, supports my dreams, is honest. Will attend church with me. He is super smart... This man is a keeper!

Yes, it is sad that so few "Christian" men can even come close.
I keep recalling Ghandhi's remark about his problem with Christianity being the Christians...
This is certainly something to worry about.

Answer 1

I hope you take this in the spirit it's given. When I met my husband, my beliefs were Christian, but I was not. He was an atheist. Now, he's agnostic, and I'm a committed Christian (meaning I actually try to live a Christian-like life now).

I can tell you that our opposite beliefs have caused a LOT of problems, not with my family (though they're Christian), and not with my Christian friends, but with US. We disagree on EVERYTHING. It's probably best that we HAVEN'T had children yet, because we can't agree on how to raise them. I want them to go to church until they're at least eleven. He says no. I don't want to teach them to believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or the Easter bunny (though if they want to believe in them, I'll let them). He sees no problem with lying to them. We also disagree on political issues (he's pro-choice, I'm not, he's anti-homosexual, I'm against the act but not the people...the list goes on and on), so that doesn't help. But our religious discord really wears on both of us, and I'm not even actively trying to convert him. I haven't pushed him into going to church (though he did decide just last week he wanted to start going with me), I haven't started hitting him upside the head with my Bible (though sometimes I want to!), and I normally don't bring up religion unless he does. But like I said, it's still really hard.

Your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful person, and I have no doubts that he is one. My husband is a great person most of the time, too, better than many Christian men I've known. I just hope you're prepared to face the same things I've had to face.

Answer 2

The separation should be between the intelligent (say anyone with an IQ of at least 120) and the ignorant (IQ's barely scraping the upper 90's). This way makes much more sense. The intelligent (atheists and Christians) can date and learn from each other and the ignorant (yes, atheists included) will not bore each other with logic, reason, or (heaven forbid), science that contradicts their beliefs or mutual understandings.

Answer 3

There are tons of obstacles because at the core, he doesn't share the same allegiances you claim to as a Christian. He may have "wholesome values" but he is not going to go to church with you, he won't want to be around your Christian family or friends. When you get married and hve kids, he won't want his kids raised in the faith. Afterall, he, if he's like most atheists on Y!A, thinks we're delusional and fairytale believers. If he really believes this, how can he show respect to you.

What you're really saying is that this guy means more to you than Jesus does.
That's fine, if you are prepared to give up having a right relationship with Christ.

Answer 4

Well, I wouldn't make it a point to tell your parents. I mean a few issues might come up when you get married if he has a problem with doing it in a church. But most of us don't. I could play fairy tale for a day to make someone else happy.

Your friends are more likely to find out, and if they are pushy about it they are going to get it back. We come across mocking the religion most of the time, even if we don't intend to. And you end up in the middle and usually have to take his side to a point.

The big thing is to work out what happens with the kids and how you are going to not try to change each other before you get married. As long as you stick together the outside stuff isn't a big deal. But there can be big internal problems with children and such, so you have to be careful.

Answer 5

I dated an atheist in college in my younger days. He wasn't such a keeper, though. ;o)

I guess the main concern would be that he doesn't discourage you in your faith. The thing to remember about men (and I know you will dismiss this, because every woman in love wants to believe that her man is different) is that men are goal oriented. He may tell you that he has no problem with your beliefs and won't stand in the way of your worship while you are dating, but once you are married he may feel differently. Even if he stays perfectly true to the sort of person he seems to be now, if he hasn't lived being married to a Christian, he doesn't really know how he'll react in that situation.

Be sure he respects you and your right to believe as you do. Have you found that you can agree to disagree on other matters?

How do your families feel? You think you're just marrying each other, but you really are marrying into families. Trust me, they have a way of infringing on your relationship. Even if you live much further away than the Barones, if you know what I mean (Everybody Loves Raymond). How do his parents feel about you, and your parents feel about him? How well do your parents/his parents work through their differences? How your parents fight and resolve things influences how you will fight and resolve things.

I think it's important to have God at the center of your marriage. If you do, being kind to each other is your service to Him and is not based on what either of you deserves. I know when you're in love, it's hard to imagine that you'll ever really be mad at each other or that you'll ever seriously fight, but it happens. If God is central, each of you will trust that if you do what God wants, God will bring you to understand and be good to each other.

I don't know what happens when you don't each commit it to God's hands. I'm not saying that it's impossible, but it seems to me that it would be harder.

May God bless you and your decisions. ;o)

Answer 6

I sympathize, and I hope you hear from Christians who do as well. I'm sure you'll hear objections.

The one thing I'd worry about is if you have kids. That may seem far off, but it's worth thinking about whose religious ideas you would raise them with, and how you would teach about both sets of beliefs without confusing them.

I'm glad you're not seeking to change him. That's usually a recipe for disaster in a relationship.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 7

My wife is Lutheran, I am atheist. So yes it can work out, as long as you respect each others belief.

Never faced difficulty about my atheism with her Christianity, of course few people besides the R & S section of Y!A knows of my atheism.

I hope the best for you two

Answer 8

I am an atheist and my girlfriend is a Christian. It has caused some problems but has worked.

The biggest obstacle will be children. If you intend to stay with him long-term and have children, you must raise them without religion. You must tell them the practices and beliefs of Christianity and Atheism and let them make their own decisions. Indoctrinating children is always wrong.

Other issues may arise as well, especially during a marriage cerimony. How much emphasis should be put on God? Work it out; have a secular wedding and recite separate vows. You can recognize God in your vows, and let him recognize his love for you in his.

Some theists believe that love is a force of God, and are therefore likely to believe that atheists cannot love. I think it's foolish to link love, an emotion that is already complicated and mysterious, to faith in a complex, mysterious and unprovable god. If you tie your love to your faith, and your faith changes (as it often does), your love by definition would have to change.

My girlfriend has always resented that I believe we love because of the evolutionary advantages of monogamy to our primitive ancestors. I resent that she believes we love because a god sets things up for us. But I think it's better to choose love than be subject to it.

Any other problems you have should be easy to work out. Good luck!

P.S. As a Christian you may be inspired to turn to the scriptures or your church for advise on this issue. The bible is contradictory on this issue.
Deutoronomy 13:6-9 says no.
"If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, 'Let us go and worship other gods' (gods that neither you nor your fathers have known, 7 gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), 8 do not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity. Do not spare him or shield him. 9 You must certainly put him to death."

Jesus also says no, in

2Jn 1:7-11 also says no:

"Many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist. Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully. Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son. If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take him into your house or welcome him. Anyone who welcomes him shares in his wicked work."

Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians 7:12-14, says yes, in his opinion it's okay:

"To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."

But then he says the opposite in his second letter, 6:14-15:

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial [Satan]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"

Answer 9

When being in any kind of relationship that's important to you have to respect the other persons views and beliefs even if you don't share them.

If he's a good person and you care for him that should be all that matters.

Answer 10

I'm atheist, my fiance is a Christian. As long as you can keep 'hell' out of the relationship, all is fine. She doesn't wish me to hell, I don't wish her into the grave.

I am lucky, I guess. Her parents are both Christians, but not fundamentalist ones. So, I hardly had any problems.

Anyway, congratz! you sound like you're deeply in love, which is a wonderful thing to see!