I dont really trust his mother very well and she is not very good with kids. We live in Las Vegas and they want to take my daughter to Alabama for 9 days but I keep saying no and my fiance says he doesnt care. They keep asking me to change my mind but they dont ever visit unless we go over to there house. What should I do?
2007-04-12 06:08:30 · 44 answers · asked by The Mrs. 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Why no, of course not, providing that you don't really care about your daughter! OK, I'm being sarcastic. Let me relate a little thing that happened with my wife and myself about 30 years ago. Our daughter was 5 when my mother-in-law wanted to take her for two weeks so they could lavish her with "love and attention". Thinking nothing of it we agreed and it took us 3 years to get our daughter back! She lived in another state and filed criminal child abuse and neglect charges against us in that state. My wife unknowingly went to pick up our daughter after trying to get her mother to return her for 2 weeks and was promptly arrested and put in jail. My in-laws were/are very well off and the court battle that ensued almost destroyed us financially. When we finally did get our daughter back she hated us for abandoning her. To this day, she is now 35, she hates me and still believes that her mother kicked her out at age 5!
Proceed at your own peril; this shi* really happens!
2007-04-12 06:22:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I always would trust my own instinct. If it says no, I shouldn't need a reason. Just to make sure you understand, what happens if your 1 yo daughter gets separation anxiety and want to go home after a day? 9 days is a lot; even at the best case scenario, your daughter needs to get used to many things. Different discipline style, adapting to not having you around. She may be scared that you abandoned her. Even a night or two away confuses kids that age. I am not sure if your daughter's father is your fiance, but you two getting married may be a big adjustment for her also. With so much down the road, it is nice to try to start a routine instead of changing things around all the time.
I think that your in laws pushing and not listening to you the first time you said no may be a red flag too. I hate people who don't listen to my "no"s. Do they not think I mean it?! Do they think they can ignore what I say?
Stand your ground, and make sure your fiance understands your position. He also needs to know that what you say in terms of your daughter is absolute! He needs to back you up, so there is no room for misunderstandings with your in laws!
2007-04-12 07:32:10 · answer #2 · answered by Jeannie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't really trust them then dont let then take care of your daughter for 9 days. Heck I completely and toatlay trust my in-laws and I'm not readyt let them have my 2 1/2 yr old for a wk. I would say tell them you don't really feel ready to let her be away from you that long. But say maybe a sleepover would be a good start for her and I both.
2007-04-12 07:59:01 · answer #3 · answered by Esther D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't wrong. You are the mother and you should trust your instincts. I have a 1 year old son and a 3 year old daughter and I wouldn't leave them for 9 days especially not with someone that wasn't good with little children and babies. Hold your ground. Tell her she can come see the baby at your house or invite the three of you to come over but that the baby won't go anywhere without you.
2007-04-12 06:13:30 · answer #4 · answered by Miriam Z 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Even if you have no 'good' reason not to let it happen, I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to say that while everyone else is fine with it, you are not ready for a separation from your baby for such a long time and so far away. Express your gratitude and tell them perhaps when you are a little bit older then you all could try smaller visits, in town of course, to help you get used to the idea. Don't let them guilt you into anything, don't let them see that you feel guilty, stay calm, be happy with your decision.
2007-04-12 07:13:51 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you are wrong even for a second. My kids are 10 and 8 this year and I still don't feel all that comfortable about them going with other people. I could never imagine my one year old being away for that long.
As for your husband, men are different that way. I dont think that they worry like mothers do. Mothers have crazy instinct and it never tells wrong. I wouldnt let her go if I were you.
Besides, you have to think of her feelings. She is young but she understands when you are not there. She wont be happy or be herself. It will just be hard for your mother in law. She needs her Mommy!
2007-04-12 06:31:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. Your daughter is too young to travel that far and if you don't trust his mother, by no means should she go. Mother's instinct IS strong, and for one thing, all you're going to do is worry the entire time she's gone. Are they going to visit relatives? If so and your daughter has never met them, then it's not a good idea to push "strangers" on her either, especially when you're not around. Don't even feel guilty for keeping her home. Maybe another time all of you could go to Alabama.
2007-04-12 06:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by Gracie 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You are a very smart young lady, your child is not even 1 year old yet and a trip that far for that long is a big deal. If they want to spend a day with the baby, that is one thing. But what youare saying is rediculous, they need to respect your wishes, and you need to stick to your guns. When the baby is older, and wants to go then you can let her go. But until then, your her mother and your word is the law.
2007-04-12 08:35:10 · answer #8 · answered by worldtraveler434 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they do not already have the kind of relationship with both you and your daughter that would make this a comfortable situation for you, then no, they shouldn't do it. Especially as young as your daughter is. Just use the old chestnut that you're an overprotective mother and this isn't something you'd be willing to consider at such a young age.
2007-04-12 06:49:46 · answer #9 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that I would have been comfortable sending my children with anyone for so long when they were that young.
Just let them know that you don't think she's ready to spend that much time away from you, yet, but, maybe, offer them an overnight some time, so that they can get to know each other better. Maybe bring her over at almost bedtime, so that you & your fiance can go out to a late dinner date, then home to a romantic evening & leisurely breakfast, before picking her up at noon.
2007-04-12 06:35:55 · answer #10 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋