I just found out my boyfriend has a child...?

Question

We broke up last year for about 6 months & he of course found someone else quickly. He was only with her for 2 months but she got pregnant. He wasn't sure it was his & honestly thought it wasn't but got a DNA test done to make sure. She even let him know there was a slim chance that he wasn't. He just got the results 2 days ago. When we got back together, he was completely honest with me about the possibility that it was his; he never tried to hide it from me. I was just being naive believing that it wasn't his. They've worked out a schedule for both to have the baby at different times. I, however, am not sure if I should stay in this relationship. I don't want the child as a constant reminder (though I do not blame the child) but I also don't want to lose my bf either. I don't know if I can handle all of this & I don't know what I should do. He wants me to stay but says he would understand if I left & wouldn't blame me for it. What should I do????? I'm so confused...

PLEASE DO NOT DISS MY BF ON HERE... HE IS REALLY A GREAT GUY WHO MADE A MISTAKE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE... BEFORE YOU TRY TO DISS HIM JUST REMEMBER HE'S STEPPING UP TO HIS RESPONSIBILITY AND DID NOT TRY TO GET OUT OF IT OR RUN FROM IT... SO PLEASE ONLY SERIOUS ANSWERERS ONLY OR YOU WILL BE FLAGGED...

Answer 1

I can understand your concerns about his child being a constant reminder and it would be a big decision to make if indeed you would want to accept his child if you were to have a future with this man. Your concerns are appreciated as it shows you are thinking of the child as well and are trying to be honest with how you feel. Only you can decide if you would be able to accept his relationship with his child. You would have to really think it through and understand the things you would have to put up with because of this. Some women have been able to accept this without much problems, and then again, others found it impossible to accept the things that come with their guy having a child from another woman. Think it through because this is a decision that can affect your life for a very long time. Remember, you will have to accept him dealing with the mother of his child, child support he will have to pay, etc etc. If this is something you feel you can do, then give your guy the love and support he now needs. He made a mistake, his mistake occurred when you and him were not together, now he is asking for you to forgive him and understand him. If you love him that much then by all means forgive him. This is something you alone can decide. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

I'm not sure how old you are or how long you and your bf have been together, but both of those are important to figuring out what to do.

I've been in a lot of relationships (including ones I thought were the "most important thing in the world"), but I've really found that there's always someone else out there, and that being by myself is usually just as fun as being with someone.

Do you want to help care for a child that's not yours? That's the biggest question here. I've had several friends get divorced because they couldn't handle having children from other relationships in their lives. Will you honestly be happy taking care of this child? How do you feel about this other girl, because she would be in your life for at least 18 more years if you stay with your bf? You owe it to everyone involved to base your actions on your answers to these questions.

If you're pretty young, I'd say it's best to move on...he should have been more responsible when he was with this other girl, regardless of whether or not you and he were going to get back together. Children shouldn't be accidents, if for no other reason than that they're expensive and time-consuming. There are plenty of simple, healthy relationships waiting for you out there...why saddle yourself with a problem like this?

Answer 3

first off if you got that much love for boyfriend by tellin us not to diss him, then y are you askin this question. you know what im pretty sure you are old enough to know what you want, he was man enough to admit that while you werent together he could have gotten a gurl pregnant. ok he didnt keep nothing from you he let you know everything, so pretty much you took it an dstood by his side. but now that you know that it is his you wanna walk off, look you knew from the begining that he could have a baby so you should have known what you getting yourself into, if you love him you would saty with him becuz you said yourself everybody makes mistakes. but if you dont want the baby just him then good bye becuz he has a baby and you cant do nothing bout that. he was keepin it real wit you the whole time bout the situation you just didnt want to open your eyes and prepare yourself for it. you have a very understanding boyfriend especially after he sat there and told you what was goin on and now that the truth is out you wanna leave!! you shouldnt be like that

Answer 4

I kinda had the same problem. My husband (of 16 years now) got a girl pregnant (they didn't date, it happened at a party and she was his best friends sister). We didn't find out the child may be his until we had already gotten together. Once the DNA results came in, I was pretty much in the same boat as you. For 7 years, I bought her birthday presents, Christmas present, made her Easter baskets, etc. and him and our daughter would take them to her and visit for a while. I would never see her (did want to, couldn't bring myself to), but then one day all that changed. Her mom got the kids (she has three brothers that are not my husbands kids) taken away due to drug use and my husband wanted to fight for custody of his daughter. I had to step back and look at the situation and finally decided that if I loved this man (and I did and do) then I would have to make the sacrifice to accept his daughter. Well it's been 6 years now and I have legal guardianship of her and she's the best kid a mother could want. Don't get discouraged by the mistake, get encouraged by the Blessing God has given you.

Answer 5

if he is a great guy and treats you right then what is the problem...? Kids are great to have around. everything happens for a reason and you have to look at it like that....! i am a single mom with a 2 year old and if some guy didn't want to date me because i had a kid i wouldn't want anything to do with him... Ya'll broke up and he had a kid.... what did you do on that break....? thats a long break he probly thought you where gone from his life for good. If you stay you will see that him having a kid will change everything. the hard part is if the mom of the child is a ***** or not... she might try to make it hard on you and you don't need that...!

Answer 6

Well first, when you ask a question and you want honest and sincere advise, it might not always be what you want to hear, so your threat of flagging someone, is basically like you saying you only want to hear what you want to hear and that's not right. Basically you said you two broke up and he didn't even give it any time before he screwed somebody else. But, seems like to me no matter what somebody tells you about life and how things are you are the type of person that's going to stay with him anyway, and I'm not quite sure it's him I would have something bad to say about.

Answer 7

This is something you have to decide sweetie. At least he didn't cheat on you and got the other woman pregnant. As long as he is truthfully all about you then there shouldn't be a huge problem. You'll also have to remember that now this other lady is forever tied to him because of this child and if you can't handle that fact then the relationship is not going to work.

Answer 8

I don't know if you have ever met the child or not but it seems to me that you secretly resent the child. If you think the child is gonna be a constant reminder, maybe you need to change that. Remember, this was AFTER you broke up. so its not like he cheated. If you love him, you would stay with him. Maybe your upset that you were not the one to give him his first child. in that case maybe you need to remeber that his boys dont stop swimming after one child. All in all I don't see the problem

Answer 9

I know this may be too late, but use a franger. Failing that ask yourself can you be a good mother to a child that isnt yours. If the answer is no find yourself someone else. Dont take on a child you cant look after

Answer 10

Well I would say if you guys were broke up at the time it happened then he isnt at fault anyway.If you love him stay with him.
The kid could actually bring you closer together.As long as you treat the child with love and not resentment.
I applaud his honesty.I feel he has alot of integrity to even have told you the truth.
So yes stay with him if you love him.