Are any of you in a relationship with a large age gap?

Question

I am 22 and my boyfriend is 13 years older than me at 35. The age gap has never bothered me before, but last night I found myself thinking that when he is 60, I will only be 47. I have an image in my mind of an old grey haired man and a still young-looking 47 year old... and it's actually starting to bother me.

Have any of you stayed in a relationship with an age gap and then gone off the person as they got older? Or has it all worked well for you?

I'd really love to hear your experiences, as I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and love him very much!

xx Emmie

I just read the comment that *I* might age faster than he does! You know, it upset me a little, but you make a good point!

But just so you know, I wasn't trying to be shallow.

Maybe I worded this question wrongly - I am NOT thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend because of this!

And you're right, I could look much worse than him at 47!

My boyfriend means the world for me - I only wondered if other people had ever had the same thought or had an opinion on this.

Answer 1

20 years between me and Mr. GorgeousFluffpot and we've been together for nearly thirty years, and love and friendship is as strong as ever. I see your pointabout thinking ahead but, believe me, as you get older then your idea of "old" moves away from you. When I was 22 I thought that anyone over 50 was greyhaired and nearly in a Zimmer frame; however, as I'm nearly 50 myself I find myself still doing all I did at 30 and my idea of old age is 90+. My husband, whilst grey-haired, constantly amazes people when he has to tell them his age - nearly 70, and everyone thinks we're the same age. I probably keep him young but you would never believe there's an age gap between us.
I wouldn't worry about the age gap, really. We only notice it occasionally, when there's music on the radio that I haven't heard and which he knows of - that's the only time. By the way, my friends all accept him and have never said a thing. Age really IS all in the head!
Enjoy your relationship. If he's a good man, which he sounds, then the matter of a birth year is a minor thing.

Answer 2

When I was your age (early 20s), I routinely dated guys in their mid- to late 30s, and I ended up marrying a person 16 years older than I. The age difference never bothered me, we had stayed together for 5 years before getting divorced (for reasons that had nothing to do with age). I think if you were a 47-year-old meeting a 60-year-old for the first time, you might be justified feeling apprehensive about it. But if you're talking about a person you've shared your life with, I don't think it will be an issue. After having been together for many years, you don't love the person for how they look, you love them because of who they are - and consequentially you love how they look, because you love THEM. I have friends who've been married for 30+ years, and are older and not in great shape; but they still admire each other. Things like mutual admiration and attraction depend on the relationship, not on looks or age. Besides, with the current medical technology, people are living longer and have opportunities to stay healthier. My 60-year-old friend plays basketball and tennis 3 times a week; I'm just over 30, and I can't run around the block without getting out of breath, because I'm such a couch potato. Again, age doesn't matter, it's about motivation and attitude. The only issue I would be worried about with an older partner is the timing of having kids (the younger person might not feel "ready" while the older one might feel "too old", for example); if you can come to an understanding about this, there's nothing else to worry about. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, being in a relationship with an older person would hopefully make the relationship a bit more mature. However, an age gap of 6-8 years is what I think the limit should be. I think it's disgusting when I hear that someone's dating someone who's 15+ years older than they are. It does depend on the people. Just make sure that you're not under 18, and dating someone who's many years older than you are.

Answer 4

You're questions today are practically questioning my life at the moment! They fit me perfectly with this one and the married guy one.

Ok, so im 16 and the guy im with is 28 years older than me (u do the math!). He does look a lot younger than he actually is though!! He looks about mid 30's and he's pretty fit and healthy for an old man. At first i was uncomfortable with it but u get used to it. It's kind of good because he's more mature and knows what he wants in life. Not like the guys my age who just want to f*ck anything with a pulse!

Dont let the age gap between u and your boyfriend bother u or ever get u down.... its only a number! As long as u are both happy and love each other, then thats all that matters! x x

Answer 5

I understand your situation as I have always had age gap relationships the least being 7 years the most being 18 years. I have always thought of the future and the age gap and the fact that they will age quicker and be a lot older when you are still reletivily young but to be honest its never really bothered me. It is something you have to think about though and its something they have always asked me about as if things work out for the long term and you stay in the relationship for years to come you will more then likely become their carer at some point its something I've always been prepared to do as if you are happy and love someone it is something you would naturally do without feeling you had to.
None of the relationships have got that far for issues other then age but if it is starting to bug you I would talk to your partner about it.

Answer 6

My Dad is 15 years older than my Step-Mum and they've been together for 27 years now very succesfully. I think they meet somewhere in the middle, Dad is younger and Mum is wiser because of the age gap.

They are about to turn 65 and 50 and are having a huge party and then swanning off for a romantic break in Austria. Clearly not worrying about the age thing at all.

You love for life and see past that stuff with the one I think.

Answer 7

That is definitely something you need to really think about and pray over. My in-laws are 20 yrs. apart- he is 65, she is 45. Normally, we don't really notice a difference, he still looks great for his age. The only hard part I think is when he mentions dying (not right now, but in the future) and she knows most likely, he will die before her and she will be left alone. You just need to figure out if the age gap really means that much to you, or if you can overlook it.

Answer 8

10 year difference.

I just turn 35 and my husband is about to turn 45. Our age difference has never been an issue.

The only time we take note about our age difference is when something "time stamped" comes into the conversation...like I was in middle school and he was in college when XYZ song was released. or the fact that he had 8 track tapes...

As long as you both love each other.

Answer 9

Honestly, stay where you are. The relationship I'm in; we're nine years apart, he's older than me, I'm 35 and he's going to be 45 next month. He's more mature, wordly and more understanding of how people and things are. I used to date men my age or younger and it drove me nuts. They lacked manners, respect, everything. We've been together eight months now and he's the most wonderful man I've ever met =) You'll be alright, just stay where you are =)

Answer 10

I don't think you should worry so much. 3 years is a long time, that's kinda sad that you's be thinking about breaking it off after that long, just because of age. Trust me, when you really love someone, you're not going to just stop loving them when they turn a certain age.

Age is just a number. My dad is 58 and very active. He travels alot, goes hiking and stuff. I don't think of him as old.