My parents don't love me.?

Question

They seem to care about me but they only show it when I'm in danger of some sort. And the only time my dad ever hugs me is when I get good grades. And the only time my mom ever looks at me is when I've done myself up for a tea or something. Otherwise they ignore me. Recently I got my grades back and I'm doing really badly. My dad isn't talking to me. I guess that means he's lost hope of ever loving me. My mom doesn't know. She doesn't really seem to ever know what's going on in my life anymore. She probably wouldn't care, anyway. My parents never talk to eachother, anyway. They have separtate rooms. Maybe they should just get divorced and we maybe we would have two functional homes rather than one dysfunctional one. Maybe it would be best if I just got a job and moved out. Then my parents might miss me. Well, I doubt it. So, what do you think I should do? Get good grades and dress up like a doll, and get fake love from my parents? Or be myself and be ignored?

Answer 1

Actually, what you're parents are doing to you is called "conditional love". They love you under certain conditions, otherwise they don't tend to show it that often. This isn't the best parenting style, as you know from experience, because love from anyone should be unconditional and without question.

I know that this is difficult to understand, but they do love you. The way they were brought up might have been the same. I know it was for my mother because she treats me the same way. They also may be having problems with their relationship and it puts a strain on the relationships they try to have with their friends and with you.

I would suggest, if it is affecting you in this way, you should sit down with your parents and talk to them about it. Sometimes, our parents get too caught up in their own lives that they forget about their children. I can almost guarantee 100% that they don't even realize how this affects you. Which is why you need to tell them. And don't try just one time. Try many times, because at first they will stubborn. They may not even believe you.

I'd wait a few months to see if any changes have occur. Remember, just because you tell them, and even if they do realize, change is gradual and may take a while to see and even longer for it take affect. I would also do other little things too. How about one day just out of the blue hug your mom. Tell her you appreciate all the things she does for you. Tell her you love her very much. And do the same for your dad. You wouldn't believe it, but just because our parents have lived longer than us, does not mean they know everything. And you wouldn't believe how much a few simple words will mean to them.

I say try these things first, because I'll tell you from experience, if you don't have to move out then you shouldn't because living on your own without the mental support from your parents is very difficult.

I hope this works for you and my heart is with you. It's difficult to grow up in your situation, but I honestly think that you have the power to change things.

Answer 2

See here is the thing a parents love is unconditional and though it may only show in various ways its not to say that they love you more or less at other times. You stated that your parents don't talk and sleep in different rooms that should be a sign and you even mentioned it divorce. they could still be together for you and not each other Parents will put themselves through a life of misery for their child In such cases as staying with the father/mother and some times not really seeing the damage it can cause. So My advice is take a chance and ask questions about the life at home tell that you love them both and while you want nothing more than to be a complette family and happy you also understand that if they are unhappy with each other and don't love one another any more then you support their choices to go difffrent paths and that you want to be happy and not be the one subject to their unhappiness. because honestly you alone will be the one who suffers the most. but you already see that they have issues so you seem mature enough to understand things some might not. Best of luck and may all work out for you and yours.

Answer 3

Some people cannot show affection but it isn't a reflection on you. I have known people to come from the kind of home you are describing. It's impossible to change people. The only one you can work on is you. Be a loving person. Say "I love you" to your parents and do not worry if they say it back. If the words get stuck in their throats it is a problem in communication they need to work on. Keep saying it anyway and you'll know that they know you love them. If their relationship is failing it is the failure to communicate love that has caused it. Don't fall into the pattern and don't let it happen to you. It may be hard or even impossible for them ever to change their ways. Maybe you can visit a library or bookstore and check out some books on communication within the family. Withholding affection for good grades is hurtful but most likely a misunderstanding on the part of your father. It's likely that his parents treated him the same way even. Work on yourself, express your love freely, be affectionate, be honest, keep your heart open. Sure you risk getting hurt doing this but you can probably see from your parents' example that overall it's a better way to live. Even if you cannot expect change from them you'll be building your own personality and increasing your chances for very rewarding and fulfilling adult relationships that your parents are missing. Hugs.

Answer 4

You got a roof over your head and you got food in the frig.. that is more than a lot of people got right now. Be grateful for what you have and so throw yourself into your school work and get the good grades.
Not all parents gush over you everyday of the week.. of course you might look at yourself in the mirror and think when was the last time I hugged my dad or my mom too. My Dad isn't the huggy gushy type.. so I keep going it really doesn't matter as long as you got goals and security.
Life ain't the movies.. nor the tv sit com.. thank goodness!

Answer 5

Sounds like a stressful home for you. I would copy and paste what you said and forward it to your parents. As a parent it could be an eye opener! Sometimes parents just don't think they are doing damage until they take the time to pay attention! I know they love you they just seem to be having other issues and you are getting the brunt of there anger. It sounds like they are not physical people and sometimes children think it is them but it isn't! Good luck kid and remember your parents love you even if they are not sure how to show it!

Answer 6

a million) i like my toddlers unconditionally. the affection between a determine and new child is the only clearly unconditional love that there is. whatever your new child does or how plenty they harm you you will continually love them. i might provide my own existence if it would keep one in all my toddlers. 2) I tutor my toddlers i like all of them day regular. I tell them with phrases, I provide them hugs, a kiss on the cheek. I determine they have what they choose, i urge them, help them and am there for them every time they choose. I practice them values and the certainty that existence isnt honest and %. them up while they're down. 3) dad and mom love their toddlers extra suitable than the youngster loves them because of the fact the youngster is a ingredient of them that they created and enjoyed and is their legacy. whatever else they do in existence it is not as specific to them as their toddlers. because of the fact the youngsters get older i don't think of they love the determine any much less it only takes longer for them to benefit what genuine love is and settle for it. while they're small all they be attentive to is that that's the guy who feeds me and transformations me they like that guy or woman yet have not have been given any ideal what love is that grows as they do. there isn't something extra problematical, priceless, heartbreaking and priceless than being a determine.

Answer 7

Never give up . Yes , you go girl and get good grades . Never
mind what other people think , unfortunately your parents are
no longer being parents they are self consumed into there
own demise . But as for you , you still have your life ahead of
you . Its hard , I know , but you must be strong and push on .
You are the positive force in that house , you might even
become your parents parent . Some times that's what it takes
for people to wake up. Be honest with them , let them in your
life .There is a communication break down in your family.
Keep trying because we are all proud of you... Remember
that God is smile at you with all of heavens host . Pray to Him
who knows you , who forgives you , who Loves you no
matter what.......

Answer 8

I think you need to tell your parents how you feel. They probably dont realize that they arent showing you enough love and affection. I think your parents do love you but they just need to be reminded that sometimes they need to show their love by saying i love you and thanking you for the good things you do outside of getting good grades because their is so much more to a person than their good grades in school.

Answer 9

Do the best you can in school and be yourself. Try talking to your parents and telling them how they make you feel and that you have noticed how they are acting. If it doesn't work, try talking to a counselor at school, maybe they can help. Your parents love you though, they are just too caught up in what they are doing and how they are acting to pay attention to how its affecting you and that is sad. That is why you need to bring it too their attention.

Hope all works out well for you. Hang in there.

Answer 10

you can only be yourself. dont try to live up to another persons standards, even if they are your parents because you will be the one to suffer. maybe your parents are just not good a showing their affection, or maybe, they way they were raised, they was not a lot of affection in the household. im sure that your parents love you, they just have a funny way of showing it. you should get good grades for yourself, because only you can live your life. but if you dont like dressing up, then dont. the best thing i can tell you is to talk to your parents and tell them how you feel and stay true to yourself.