My daughter is starting to show signs of pre-teen attidudes??

Question

My daughter is starting to show signs of pre-teen attidudes and I am not sure how to handle them. She is starting to act like she is 13 years old. Back talking, smart mouthing me. I really don't our relationship to end up like my mom's and mine. Any ideas or suggestions??

Answer 1

Be strict but understanding. Tell her that she can talk to you about anything and dont just say that do..spend time with her alone so she has a chance to talk to you about things. However being a teenager still isnt an excuse for being rude although harder to control. She still needs to learn there are boundries but also gain some independance. There are two bad extremes one is too many boundries which can cause disobedience and retaliation, the other is too much freedom which can cause confusion, feeling of being lost.

My parents role modelled and pretty much ignored my bad mouthing which worked, you need to only give her attention for when she speaks to you in a good manner for instance you could say "I'm not going to listen to you until you learn to talk to me appropriately" etc and then if she does go up to you and talk to you give her lots of attention for it so she learns that talking maturely gets her further than being rude.

The other thing is now she's older she'll want to push boundries, stay up later, hang out with friends that you might not like, give her simple boundries that she can follow for instance, don't stay out later than 10pm, get her to tell you exactly where she is going before she leaves the house and tell her that she can call home anytime day or night if she gets into any trouble. this tells her that yes there are rules but the reason your giving them to her is that you love her.

And show her that love...tel her you love her every day

Answer 2

Give her time. Talk to her once and tell her

As you start your teen years, I will remember:
1. That you are an individual with your own life. I will not interfere, find out or offer advice unless you ask me.
2. That our social life together is now a matter of two way decision making and both of us will decide when and whether we want to do anything together.
3. That the relationship dynamics have changed. You will be an equal, till you prove yourself to be a child.

You will remember:
1. That you cannot be rude or back talk or take control of the family phone. No adult does that and neither will you.
2. You cannot use the family property like it belongs to you. It is shared and thats the way it will remain.
3. Your parents are old now, but they have been teenagers too, and know those heartaches well. We will understand even if it appears otherwise. (and even if you think you can hide it - heck, we did the same hiding tricks)
3. If you want to be treated like an adult and with respect, you will treat everyone else in the family the same way.
4. Your morals and actions are your responsibility. Totally.
5. If you want to talk, we are there.

My dad did that for us and it helped like hell.

Answer 3

Those pre-teen and early teen years are the worse. You need to allow your relationship to evolve along with your daughter's physical and emotional growth. There is absolutely no room for mouthing off and showing disrespect. Be firm and consistent, but do not allow her to get away with it. She is going to push your buttons every way she can. It is so important that you don't allow her to get away with it. Let her know that you are on her side. You aren't the enemy! Be her mom first and foremost, and sometimes her friend. She needs you to set those boundaries. It gives her security. I highly recommend Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster W. Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay. I have it on CD and listen regularly. They have some great ideas that actually work! Hang in there and always hug her and never part without an I Love You!

Answer 4

Hmm well im 15 and most mothers say teens get attidudes its just maturing just try to be the understanding and take her to the movies or do something mother and daughter can ddo togather because no matter what happends memories will last forever espesially good ones ;D Best of luck

Answer 5

I was actually in tears last night b/c my 9 yr old is doing the same thing. I have found that is has helped to sit down with her for 1/2 hour & ask her if she wants to talk about anything. She usually babbles on about all kids of kid problems. She doesnt want advice just for me to listen & not be doing something else at the same time like the dishes. She wants my full attention to get things off her chest. When I havent done this for a few days I think it builds up & the attitude comes out. I think girls are starting puberty earlier than we did. Scary. Well good luck.

Answer 6

Is there really a remedy? Spend one-on-one time with her, let her know that you have been there, and that you do not want to have the same relationship with her that you had with her mom. Let her know that she is becoming a little woman and she is entitled to "use her voice" BUT that she can do so with respect and reason. Having an open relationship with our chldren will benefit in the end.

Answer 7

A little family counseling can go long way. It's nice to have an environment where our kids can express themselves without repercussion and receive possible options to resolving conflicts. When our kids hear things we say come out of someone else's mouth, they hear it nice and clear (as opposed to just dissing us and moving on), and are responsive and engaged. Not so easy to do in the 1-to1 between mom and child alone.
It's been working for my tween and me.
Best of luck.

Answer 8

My 16 year old started doing that also at that age. What I do is just put my foot down. Sometimes she will throw a tantrum with me and tells me she hates me but then a few hours later she is back talking to me. Just stay firm with her and things will hopefully get better.

Answer 9

well, as u know it's a phase all kids go through,both boys & girls. wot u need to do is try to spend more time with her & find out what makes her behave the way she does & u too must set the ground rules for acceptable & unacceptable behaviour ok? also, u can try asking her teacher at school how is her behaviour at school & also ask her teacher to speak generally to the class about adolescence & changes they go through
..kids tend to 'test' u to see what they can 'get away' with u know? just try not to 'trip' or over-react' about her behaviour coz it's a normal thing that ALL kids go through

Answer 10

I reckon talk to her the way you would have wanted your mum to talk to you. Give her a little space.This is normal.My mum always tells me what goes around comes around. Cause my daughter is doing the same as i did. I know , its fustrating. Good Luck! We are going to need it.